Pain love same game

Talking (12)

Every time i try and talk to Jacob he either walks away, or just tells me he's gotta go talk to Joseph about something.

I don't get what i did to him, I haven't even talked to him in awhile now and i'm trying to forgive him for what he says to me. But today is the day; Joseph has invited me to come over for a celebration of me atoning other people who have atoned for their sins is going to be there to. He also decided that its best just to keep my carving of wrath, since I keep committing that sin almost everyone of us has that sin.

I did talk to Joseph about trying to talk to Jacob but all he said was, Jacob is stubborn and he will come around. But I don't think that's the case with this because i don't get why he would be stubborn with me, even though he did something bad to me. Wait he probably thought I turned him down as a person and not the offer of becoming that. That's probably why he's being stubborn maybe thinks it was the kiss and i didn't like it, so I turned him down. I don't know i'm gonna talk to him tonight about it.

Later in the day

Joseph told me to dress fancy since were having a kind of a party for all the people who atoned when i did.

So I wore a red and silver dress; it started as silver on the top and turned down to red. I wore some black laced up heels with it, silver jewelry and my hair curled. I felt a little to fancy but he did say wear something fancy, and i think i look good.

I wanted to be there early to john's ranch, So I could at least not get bothered or distracted while talking to Jacob. Even if he tries to walk away, i'm still gonna try and talk to him.

Jacob is a hard person to read, he has no emotions. That's probably from his war past. He never talks about his past but i know he's hurting inside, he feels weak when he talks about his emotions, he wants to be feared and people to be intimidated by him. But i'm neither scared or intimidated by his presence. I get why he does it he can show his emotions in front of Joseph, because Joseph already knows Jacobs strong and not weak. But he's still trying to convince himself of it, he's a soldier who just keeps fighting, even if there's no war to be fought. He fights the war in is head every single day.

As i was walking through john's huge house, I came upon a picture of the three siblings. I could tell which one was Jacob; since he is the only redhead in that family. Something about this picture, every single one of them looked sad and angered. And their parents' faces in the picture looked to be torn out. Maybe something went wrong with there parents, maybe they passed away and they just couldn't bear to look at their faces. Or maybe something worse, something that happened in my life. Maybe we have the same story just different ending.

Another odd thing about the photo was that there was no faith, was she not apart of this family before. She doesn't look like any of her siblings. Maybe she was adopted after. I have no idea, I just have so many questions that can't be answered.

I just thought some questions can't be answered. I decided just to leave it at that and go upstairs to the balcony. As I walked outside I saw a familiar face, Jacob was standing looking out at the night sky drinking a cold beer that looked half empty.

" hello stranger" i said without even knowing i said it. He looked over his shoulder at me even though he could tell it was me by my voice. "Hi" i moved closer to him, to stand about five feet apart from him. He didn't notice since he was to busy in his own head.

Trying to break the silence, " so are you enjoying the party, I don't get why that Joseph is throwing a party with alcohol, for people who just atoned" he chuckled at my comment. "Yea well it's wasn't his idea, everyone sins and he thought is was a good idea to let them at least have fun before hand. After this party no more sinning" I didn't notice he was handing me a beer before he touched my shoulder with it. " Oh thanks" I took the beer from it already opened since he opened it before he gave it to me. I took a big chug of it. " I haven't had a nice cold beer since my Twenty first birthday. Best day of my life."