Pain love same game

Depression (3)

"Why am I so sad, why am I still crying over some guy. I'm so pathetic" I cried trying to snap out of my sadness. Once I got home, I ran straight to cry even more. I picked up a knife and started to cut myself, over some guy I don't even know. "I'm the most pathetic person, I used to be so strong when I was younger, but now I hate myself", I said crying even more. I dropped the knife, and looked at the cuts on my arms; blood was Seeping out of my cuts. Then I heard my mom start to walk up stairs and I ran to the bathroom to hid the evidence, and hid myself.
"Honey, are you ok. You ran up stairs so quickly, and I thought you were supposed to be gone longer".
"Mom, I'm fine. I just need some space right now", I said with a worried face on.
"Ok, honey. Someone is also down stairs, they want to know if your alright, and why you left so early", she said when before she left the room.
" oh no, I can't show my face down stairs", kind of nervous of who's down stairs.
I got dressed in a long sleeve hoodie and some long pants, to cover my cuts. I started to walk down stairs and looked out the window, I saw a black mustang with someone standing by the car waiting for me to come outside. I went outside and it was John.
"Hi, Ashley I was just coming to ask why you left so early", he said with a confused face.
"Oh, that. Um," I looked in the car and saw a red head staring at John.
"I just felt kind of not wanted, so I decided to leave", kind of nervous saying that.
"What, do you mean not wanted. Everyone is wanted there", he exclaimed with a worried face. I should of said a better lie then that, I looked sad when I saw the red head get out of the car, and whisper to John something I could quite understand. John then looked at me, with a smile on his face. What did she say to him, that made him smile so much.
"Well, I'm kind of tired so I will see you next Sunday for another sermon".
"Oh, ok bye I guess", kind of worried for why she was acting weird.

The next Sunday
I woke up extra early today, to get to the church. I saw John standing by the red head again, they were up against a tree making out.
"I thought lust was a sin"
"Yes, lust is a sin. But Joseph lets it slide between them" a deep voice behind me said. I turned around it was that tall red head that stands by Joseph in the church, he must be Jacob.
"Oh, um hi. I was kind of thinking to myself", I said with a stern look on my face.
"Are you jealous, oh I think you are".
"Why would I be jealous, it's not like I'm in love with him. I just met him. It's just like religion doesn't matter to him that much , even though he's always talking about it. And isn't he like a baptist or something. It just doesn't make any sense , he's obsessed with religion, and then he goes and starts to do sinful stuff. It's really doesn't make any sense",Jacob could see the anger in my face.
"Well he's mine and Joseph's younger brother, so we have to kind of keep it a little less strict with him. He has problems just like everyone", as he looks over at John and back at me. But I was gone.

I started to walk to the church, because the sermon was about to start. I walked in and sat in the front row. Everyone came in and John introduced Joseph, and they all went to there specific spots holly went by John and stood right in front of him while he held her hand.
After the sermon
"Hi, Ashley so how was the sermon", Joseph walked up with a huge smile on his face.
"It was very interesting to listen to, I think I may want to join this church".
"Really, that would be amazing. I will set up the baptism with John, and the atonement with John. And he will tell you the date of them",he said with a wider grin on his face.
"Oh, it's with John." I said with nervousness. "Yes, John does the atonement, confession, and baptism. Why"? I didn't know he did all that, this is gonna be awkward on my end.
"Just asking, Well I gotta go. See you at the next sermon"
"Bye"
I hope you like this story so far, if you don't like how write it, please give me feedback so I can make it better, for your experience. Gonna try and start with the next chapter. I'm starting school again so the stories won't be as recent.