Playing With Knives- LoZ

scene 62- motivation

Time had seen more than he was letting on. Wild truly thought he was gone.

~
Entry 8-
I let a bunch of monsters capture me. The others had to come save me. How pathetic.

That's really just what I am. Pathetic. And worthless.

I had thought that the others had left me to die. I thought that they were planning with the monsters. Why do I always assume the worst about everything? I torture myself.

And I deserve that torture. After all, I failed. What kind of hero fails?
I'm so bad at everything that I didn't even die successfully. Pathetic.

I really do wish I could go back into the Shrine of Resurrection.
I want to drown myself. I'm already drowning. Not literally, of course.

I just want to...
I'm not finishing that thought. Twilight will figure out a way to get ahold of this again. I can't imagine what he'd do if he knew what I was going to say. He'd probably try to lock me up somewhere with nothing. Heh.

The monsters kept poking me. Right in the chest, where I stabbed myself. It hurt. So much.

Sometimes I feel like I don't even fully exist. I just feel like I'm outside, looking in. Kind of like the memories, but I don't feel like a completely different person.

There's no hope anymore. I'm going crazy. Nobody can help me. I need to leave and go back home before I hurt one of the others. At least in my Hyrule, there's enough space for me to find a hidden, out of the way area where I won't bother anyone.

I don't know what to do. I'm finding it hard to function. But if I stop doing stuff, they'll suspect that something's up.

I feel like I'm constantly fighting myself. I know I should tell someone about this, but I don't know who to tell. Nobody I know would understand.
~

Time understood. He once thought something similar. It wasn't as bad. But it was similar.

●●●

Wild was leaning against a tree, looking at the Sheikah slate. He sighed, reading his most recent entry of the journal. He should be getting back. He wanted to see Zelda. But he decided he could wait another day. It was getting late, after all.

He looked up at the sky, then at the time.
               (5:46)
He sighed. He would cook something, but he didn't really feel like it.

"Hey, Wild. I'm hungry. When are you gonna cook dinner?"
He looked over at Wind, who had asked the question.
"I don't really feel like cooking right now. Ask Twilight or something."
"Oh. But your cooking is good."
"Listen, I really don't feel like it. I'll cook you something extra tomorrow, okay?"
"Oh. Okay, then."

Wind skipped away, and Wild watched him. Wind started talking to Twilight, and Wild looked back down at the Sheikah slate.

He sighed. He had to tell them his story at some point. Soon, hopefully. He wanted to get it over with.

●●●

"Save her..."
He looked around. Where was that voice coming from?
"Save her..."
Was the voice talking about Zelda? He already saved her.
"Please..."
Who was talking?
"I left her too soon..."
Left her? Too soon?
"Please, help her..."
Help her with what? He couldn't help with anything.
"For me..."
For who? Who was talking?
"She needs you..."

●●●

He slowly sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. What was that dream about, again? He was having trouble remembering. He couldn't quite think of what happened, but he kept getting close. Tantalizingly close. He just couldn't quite reach it.

That was annoying. Oh well. He knew it was something about someone else. A girl. Probably not important.

He stood up and walked over to the table. He sat there until everyone else got up, then he bid them goodbye and left.

●●●

He walked into town and saw that good progress had been made. It took him a while to find Zelda, but he found her sitting against the fountain, looking down at her hands.
"Hey."
"Oh! Hello, Link. I didn't see you there."
She stood up, smiling at him.
"Feel free to help with whatever."
"Okay." He nodded and walked away.

What could he help with? He didn't want to move things. Something could happen again. He couldn't exactly build, either. One, it would be just as demanding as moving things, and probably more. Two, he don't know how to build. He could find wood. He was good enough at that.

He found Bolson and asked if they needed more wood. He said no.
"Well, is there something I could help with?"
"Hmm... Aha! You can bring the boxes of supplies to us!"
"Oh. Nevermind."

He walked away, head down. He was useless. He sighed. No use in asking Zelda. She'd probably just tell him that it was fine and that he wasn't useless.

But he was. He couldn't do shit. There was nothing he could help with. Oh well. If he wasn't needed here, he'd leave. Zelda didn't need him at the moment.

He walked out of the city, leaving it and the castle behind.

●●●

"Link! Link! Oh, where is he?"
Zelda looked around, trying to find Link. So far, she wasn't having much luck.

She spotted Bolson and hurried over to him. Maybe he knew. Link had probably asked him what he could do to help.
"Oh, hello Princess! How are you?"
"I'm doing alright. Have you seen Link?"
"As a matter of fact, yes! He asked me about helping."
"Great? Can you tell me where he is?"
"Hm. I'm not sure. When I told him he could bring us boxes, he walked off that way."
Bolson pointed away, toward the entrance of the city.
"Oh. Okay. Thanks."

She headed over there, continuing to call for Link.