Playing With Knives- LoZ

scene 90- don't care

Him. It was him.
The whole time, he was just doing it to himself.

Why?
Why would he do that?
Was it so he had someone to talk to?
Because that didn't work.

He thought it was something evil.
Like the Malice.
He thought that the Malice had gotten to him.

But no.
It was just him.
All him.

Did that happen to other people?
Probably not.
They didn't make characters in their head that tormented them.
That would be stupid.

What if the Malice had gotten to him?
That would make sense.
It would explain why he felt like this.
Like he was going crazy.
Why he was getting so angry about stupid things.
Stupid insignificant things.
Things that didn't matter.
Definitely not a normal thing to do.

His entire situation was unusual.
Who else would die three times?
Who else would fail do badly at everything?
Who else would be like this?
Who else would be so f**ked up?

●●●

"D'ya think I should go check on him?"
"Probably."
"Okay."

Twilight stood up, then looked at Wind.
"Don't you want to come with me?"
"Nah."
"Okay..."

This was unlike Wind. Usually he'd want to come with him. Oh well.

He went in the direction that Wild had gone. Soon enough, he found him sitting on the ground with his legs close to his body. His chin was resting on his knees.

Twilight walked over to him.
"You good?"
"It was me the whole time..."
"You? What do you mean?"
"Everyone's against me, even me."
Wild looked down so that his forehead was on his knees.

"What do you mean?"
"That voice thing I told you about in the note. I'm guessing you saw it. It was me the whole time."
"You?"
"All you do is ask questions. And yes. It was me. I was insulting myself and telling myself that you hate me. Telling myself to do it. The... the thing."
"Oh."
"I thought it was Malice or something. At least that's not true. If it was, I probably would have ended up killing you or something."
"That... wouldn't be good."
Wild looked up at Twilight with a slightly annoyed look on his face.
"No shit. Unlike me, you'd rather. It be dead. And I'd rather not kill you. Anyway. I'm not mad at you anymore. I've decided that it's not worth the time or energy."
"That's good. Do you want to come back to camp with me?"

Wild nodded and stood up. Without waiting for Twilight, he started walking back. Twilight started walking as well, quickly catching up with him.

When they reached canon, the only greeting they got was a monotone, "Hey, guys," and a lazy wave from Wind.

"Hey. What's wrong?"

Wind looked up at Wild and bluntly told him,
"You lied."
"What do you mean?"
"You lied. You said you wouldn't do it again, and you did."
"I... sorry. I wasn't expecting to-"
"You knew you were going to do it. Nobody told you to do it this time. It wasn't an on the spot thing. Even your Zelda knew that. She said that you must have bought that thing. You planned it. You said that you'd find a better spot next time. I know you'll try it again. You could have told someone. We could have helped you. If you wanted to get away from us that badly, you could have just stopped coming here. It would have at least been better than this."

"I'm sorry."
"Sorry doesn't do shit. You say that all the time. So why are you saying it now? Hypocrite. You're just a big f**kin lying hypocrite."

There was a long pause before Wild signed,
"I didn't want to upset you."
"Well, that didn't work, did it?"
"I didn't think this would happen."
"Of course you didn't. Why would you say it if you did? Why? Is it because you don't care? You don't care enough to think ahead. You don't care enough to think about what we think about you doing... that."
"If anyone here doesn't care, it's you guys. You don't care enough about me to try and help. I tell you everything that's wrong, and you just hug me and forget about it. You feel bad for me, but you don't do anything. Then, when I f**king kill myself, you act all surprised. You act like it's my fault. Like you couldn't have prevented it. You get mad at me for making you kind of sad, but you don't think about how I feel every f**king day. You don't think about if I'm upset. You don't think about why I did it. You don't care about why I did it. This shit is the reason I do shit like that in the first place. You don't f**king care."

Wind stood up.
"I do care! You just ignore us and you don't let us help! You're just lying for attention! You exaggerate all of this for the heck of it! You just want people to pity you! You bastard!"

"What? That's not true, I-"
""That's not true." That doesn't mean anything. You'd still say that if it was."
"How would you know if it was true?"
"Those pictures in the Sheikah slate. You aren't acting how you act around us."
"Those are from before I found out about what happe-"
"Yeah, and what happened was that a couple people died. And you don't even remember them. So what's the big deal?"

"I- Wind- I-"
Wild paused for a while before saying, "F**k you! You really don't care at all, do you? don't even pay attention. It was right. You guys do hate me. I'm sorry for being such an asshole to you."

He turned and walked away, his shoulders sagging.

Maybe Wind was right.
Maybe it wasn't as bad as he made it out to be.
Maybe he was just overreacting.

Maybe...
Maybe he was making this worse for them.
No, that wasn't a maybe.

He was definitely making it worse for them.

None of this was their fault.
It was his.