Thantophobia

31

I've never been more afraid at the idea of losing someone I love until he left again leaving me there to wait for him because he knows I'll still be there but what if this time I'm not?

E

It's been a rough four days between Harry and I. I've just gotten to the point where I'm tired of him not communicating with me. That's the most important thing to me in a relationship.

Throughout the last four days, I've been forgiving of him, but he is no where near being let off the hook. I just want him to realize how much it means to me that he trusts me and wants to tell me the things that bother him. I'm tired of him constantly worrying about me and how his problems would affect me because that isn't the point. I'm here for him to share his emotions and struggles. I'm his shoulder to cry on whenever he needs me. I just want him to talk to me instead of me having to figure everything out on mine own.

"You almost ready love?" Harry quietly asks walking into the bathroom. He's been slightly cautious around me since our argument.

"Almost." I tell him while curling the last few strands of my hair. He stands behind me watching me through the mirror.

"I'm sorry." He softly whispers. I bring my eyes up to meet his in the mirror.

"I already know that." I state setting the curling iron down and turning it off before grabbing my comb to run it through my hair gently.

"What else do you want from me?" He steps next to me leaning against the countertop crossing his arms.

"I want you to be honest with me. I want you to trust me." I turn to face him after setting the comb down.

"I've always been honest with you and you are the only person who fully has my trust. So, there's clearly something else wrong. Tell me what you want." He begs.

"I want you to be the Harry I grew up with. I want you to the Harry that cared enough to show me his raw emotions. I want you to be the Harry I missed all those years you were gone." I speak truthfully. He doesn't say anything, so I continue.

"I want the man I fell in love with." My voice cracks.

"And what if I can't be that person anymore?" He sternly asks me keeping our eyes connected.

"I can't be in a relationship where I'm the only one trying. I'm trying my hardest to keep going. It feels like all I'm doing is trying to get you to open up to me. I don't want to push you to speak but just know you're pushing me away by not talking to me." I tell him before walking around him to the bedroom looking for my dress.

"If I'm not the man you want then why are still here? If I disappoint you so much then why don't you just leave?" He shouts following me into the room.

"That's not what I'm saying." I huff out feeling frustrated. "The man I feel in love wasn't like anyone I've ever known and never tried to be." I turn around to face him.

"Do you not love me like you used to?" I see his body visually slouch and his face turn pale.

"Don't you dare for one moment ever think that you are a disappoint to me. I will always love you no matter what." I scold him feeling a few tears slid down my cheeks.

"Then tell me what to do because I can't lose you again." His voice cracks and he takes a few steps closer to me.

"I've already told you. Just talk to me but if you can't do that then please see a therapist. It breaks my heart seeing you so visibly exhausted from all the thoughts going through your head and knowing I can't help because you won't let me." I state crossing my arms.