Solitude of the Purple Night (DON'T READ YET - UNDER REVISION)

Chapter 17

"She's not pretty, how come?" Pagkapasok ko palang sa pinakauna na cubicle ng cr ay narinig ko agad iyon.

"I agree. Did you see how she's wearing her uniform? So plain and boring"

Walang pangalan na binanggit pero alam ko na ako ang pinag-uusapan nila.

If this is just a normal day, you would think they're just having a normal conversation.

Mula nang samahan ko si Ryoma sa canteen, I been receiving a lot of hate. Parang walang araw na hindi ako na bubully at nakakatanggap ng mga ganitong salita.

And it hurts me more knowing na mga kapwa ko babae ang gumagawa saakin ng ganito. Girls should have everyone's back. Not pulling each other down but pulling each other up.

"I don't know what's got into Ryoma's head, but I think he's under an evil spell"

Pumikit ako, tahimik na lumabas at hindi na pinansin ang nag-uusap.

Pagod na naglakad ako papunta sa building namin, bawat babaeng nadadaanan ay napapaismid saakin.

Binilisan ko nalang ang lakad at hindi na inalintana ang mga pamatay nilang tingin.

Unti-unting mubagal ang aking mga hakbang nang mamataan ko ang grupo nila Ryoma.

They are laughing except Ryoma. He looks emotionless. Tila nandun lang siya para tumayo hindi para makihalubilo.

Tuluyan na akong huminto sa paglakad. I watch him from where I am standing. Hindi ako gaanong malapit sakanila kaya alam ko na hindi niya ako makikita dito.

I been avoiding him for the past days, just after what happened in the canteen.

Seeing him now made me realized how much I miss him. And it is so painful. Tila pinipiga ang puso ko sa bawat segundo.

I hate it. I hate myself for being such a coward. Receiving hates from his fans, from our schoolmates is too much. But thinking of letting him go just to put an end to the chaos makes my heart ache. Isipin ko palang ay napapraning na ako.

He didn't deserved all of these, all the cold treatment I been doing to him.

I sighed. Am doing it right, or am I doing it wrong. Hindi ko na alam ano ba talaga ang dapat gawin. This is my first time being in a relationship so I don't really have an idea on how to deal with everything. I just don't want him to lost his admirers, the people who love him first before me. Sila ang unang nandun to support him bago ako. Kaya anong karapatan ko sakanya?

I keep on watching him, memorizing every bits of him. He is still not showing any emotions kahit na pinipilit na siyang isali ng mga kaibigan sa kanilang usapan.

Dahil siguro sa pagkakamangha ko sakanya at sa iniisip kanina that I failed to notice the small cut below his left bottom lips. It look so fresh na hindi malabong nakuha niya ito kanina o gahapon.

Hindi ko maiwasang mag-alala para sa binata. Wala sa sarili na napahakbang ako palapit sa grupo.

When he turn to my direction ay agad nagtama ang aming mga mata. His eyes are so cold, na kahit hindi naman maginaw pero ramdam ko ang pagtaasan ng mga balahibo sa batok ko.

The way he's staring at me now makes me wanna cry. There's something in his eyes na hindi ko nakita kanina habang pinagmamasdan ko siya ng patago.

Tumalikod ako nang hindi ko na makayanan ang mga titig niya na tila nanunuot saakin.

I fought so hard not to cry kahit ramdam ko na ang pag iinit ng aking dalawang mata.

Ilang hakbang palang ang aking nagawa nang maramdam ko ang paglapat ng kanyang kamay saaking balikat. His hold is firm dahilan para mapatigil ako.

"I miss you," he said. His voice is very low, na tila hangin lang pero ramdam ko parin ang sakit na nakapaloob sa bawat salita.

Hindi ako makatingin sakanya, dahil ang kaninang nagbabadya na mga luha ay tuluyan ng bumuhos. Niyakap niya ako mula sa likod, "I miss you so much," ulit niya, pero sa medyo klaro na boses. 

I cry more, knowing that his hug brought peace in my heart and mind. Ang mga pag-alinlangan at pag-alala ay parang bula na naglaho. Ang kanyang mga balikat na nakayakap saakin ay syang tanging nasaisipan ko nalang. The butterflies in my stomach partied. At tila nasa ibang dimensyon kami na kami lang ang nandun.

I miss this, I miss us.

Pagkatapos ng ilang minuto ay hinarap ko sya. Pero ang kanyang mga balikat ay nanatiling nakayakap parin saakin. Now, I'm staring at him face to face. Ngayon lang nagsink-in saakin na sobrang lapit na pala ng mga mukha namin na halos hindi na ako makahinga.

I tried to get out from his hold that made his brows shot up na tila hindi niya na gustuhan ang ginawa ko. The awkwardness between us is growing pero naisip ko na minsan lang kami ganito might as well devour the moment.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't a good girlfrien---" He cut me off by pulling me more for a hug dahilan para mapasubsub ako sa kanyang dibdib. 

"Don't say that, It doesn't really matter because I love you," he hug me even more. 

"Really Montefalco? In the middle of the day?" came from one of his friend. I tried to tiptoe to see who said it but Ryoma pull my head to his chest. Hindi ko maiwasang mamula sa kaisipan na nakita nila kaming ganito.

"Shut up, Del Ferro!He roar, I may not seeing his face right now but I know he was smiling basing the tone of his voice and with that, the atmosphere became lighter than earlier. "Get lost all of you!" anito sa mga kaibigan na tila gusto pa yatang manuod sa kanila. 

His friends were making fun of him before they went gone.

Kumalas siya sa pagkakayakap saakin. Atsaka kinuha ang panyo sakanyang bulsa, he's wiping the remaining tears in my eyes and in my cheeks. While he is doing it, he look very serious. Maingat ang kanyang bawat galaw na tila ba takot syang baka masaktan ako sa ginagawa niya.

"What happened to that?" pointing the small cut on the side of his lip. 

"It's nothing" He replied as he hug me again.

Nakangiti lang ako hanggang sa pag-uwi. Lahat ng pag-alinglangan ay nawala na. Ryoma loves me at yun lang ang mahalaga. Hindi ko na siya hahayaan na wala just because other people don't like me as his girlfriend. 

I saw him at the living room. He was reading some documents, he look so serious and stress.

Lumapit ako sakanya at hinalikan siya sa pisngi. I feel so bad thinking na masyado akong naging makasarili these past few days that I almost forgot my him.

"Is everything okay Dad?" I asked him, umupo ako sakanyang tabi. Agad niyang itinapi ang hawak na mga papeles saka ako hinarap.

"Yes, yes iha" sagot niya but he sounded as if he was trying to convince himself. Alam ko na may problema, siguro sa negosyo. It is that bad? "Hows school?"

"It's okay Dad" I haven't told him about Ryoma. Naghahanap palang ako ng magandang timing para dun. And I also want it to be special, since they are both special to me. 

"Babalik ako sa opisina dahil mayroon akong kailangan tapusin, I already asked manang to prepare your dinner" he said, as if dismissing me.

"How about you? hindi ka kain Dad?" 

"I will but later," inilagay niya sa isang folder ang mga papeles na kanina lang ay binabasa niya.

"But Da--" He kiss me in the forehead

"I gotta go," atsaka siya nagmamadaling umalis leaving me with so much questions. Masyado akong naging busy sa school at kay Ryoma na hindi ko na napansin na ilang linggo na pala kami hindi nakakasabay kumain. 

From there, I know something is wrong. Something is not right.