The Hijabi's Boss

21. I Can't

I took a taxi to Safa's school on my lunch break. I need to see her. Hug her hard. By the time I reached in front of her school my heart picked up it's pace. How will she react? What will I say about father and mother if she asks? Does she even remembers them? Did our aunt manipulated her like she stated?

My heart came up to my throat when my eyes met the body of my beautiful Safa. I swallowed hard and called out. "Safa!" I watched how her small body went rigid and turned to look for the owner of the voice. I lifted my arm to wave at her. She turned around to say something to her friends as they nodded before they went before. She whirled back at me and now I was standing directly in front of her. My arms went around her small shoulders and hugged her tight. "I missed you." I sobbed. "I missed so much."

Safa was stiff under my arms she let me hug her for a few seconds before she finally pulled away forcefully that I lost my footing. "Who are you?" she frowned and had a confusing face on.

"You don't remember me anymore, do you?" I sighed and continued. "I am Sabrinna, your older sister. You were 5 when I had to leave you."

"My only sister is Anya and my mom told me not to talk to stranger." her small voice pierced through my heart. I could not be hearing these words right.

"Safa, aunt Yasmine is our aunt, she is not your mother-" she suddenly yelled. "How dare you say something like that!? Leave me alone!" and with that she ran away. I sighed aunt really got in her mind. What should I do? I held back the tears that was about to fall. I felt really exhausted. Why am I even trying to live? My life would never be the same and if I lose anyone else I love, I may lose my mind all together.

With my head feeling full I went back to the company. I felt the blood rushing from and to the brain, throbbing harder whenever I think about something. As I made to my office I glanced at Khaled through his glass wall. Our eyes met and his widened slightly as if he saw that something was wrong with me. I turned around quickly and sat in front my computer. The empty page screen filled my eyes as my mind was slowly turning to a big empty white room.

I snapped back to the reality thanks to the door opening. Khaled was in front of me, his eyes searching me carefully. "Have you eaten anything?" he asked.

Hunger was a gift. I don't remember when was the last time I've eaten anything. Maybe the last meal was the hamburger Khaled brought me. I shook my head.

"Do you want to go for a meal with me?" He muttered I almost did not catch him. Was he nervous? I nodded my head. He looked sad. Why would a guy that has everything be sad? I wonder what pressures him? Was the though of not getting what he wants killing him? Or the fact that his mother is forcing a girl he did not love on him? I wonder what occupies his mind.

I followed him to his car and let him drive to where he wanted in silence. It was comfortable to sit there and let the wind speak for us. Let our breathing explain what we hide from each other. He finally pulled up in a drive way of a small diner and fetched the bag that probably contains our food. He stared the engine again and drove us to a forest.

He spread out a blanket that he got it from the back of his car and sat us down with the bag so that we faced a beautiful cliff and the view of the forest from above. The breeze calm my raging mind down.

"How are you feeling?" it was the first time he spoke since the office. His voice held something I could not catch. Again those words. How I yearned for those simple words.

My heart pounded, almost nervous for him to see me like this and embarrassed at what happened at the hospital. I was staring to feel something for him which I should not. I don't deserve him. He doesn't not deserve a confused and broken girl like me, I should not stain him with my scars. I am not ready to commit myself to another, especially in a city that reminds me of everything I had lost. The memory of mother dying crashing with when my father died. Safa does not remember me anymore, I have no where to go. And his family will never accept me, even if I tried I don't think I can fight the whole world. I don't think I can continued this.

"It's over." I blurted out.

He faced me and frowned. "What is?"

"It turned out I don't need marriage to get my sister back." I was still staring ahead.

"That's good, right?" he voice dropped a little.

"We don't have to continued this game anymore."

He stayed silent for a moment before he spoke up. "Then marry me for real. Be my wife and share my life with me. No deals, no game." He caught my eyes.

I was startled and watched him with wide eyes. "What?" I breathed out.

"I like- no I love you Sabrinna. I won't try to beat around the bush and hide my feelings." This time he turned his whole body to me and sat in Indian style. His eyes were longing for something.

No this can't be real. Khaled did not just confess to me.

"Im not like Latifah who can get any man with only a smile and I'm not like Layla who is naturally beautiful and attractive and can beat anyone up if they say the wrong thing. And I'm definitely not like Anya who has charms and knows what she wants. I'm a coward. I don't dare doing anything outside my comfort zone.
Despite that you're choosing me?"

"I love you for who you are, Sabrinna."

"No Khaled you don't love me. You just think that you do but it's all just desires and illusions. You don't love me at all." Before I realized I was babbling. Why am I getting panic? I felt my whole body shaking. My eyes were getting teary. Why am I going trought this? Why does everything happen to me? Why do I need to reject him when I feel the same?

Leave Khaled and you will get your sister back.

"Which part of I love you did you not understand? You worth more than you think." He voice got more urgent. He reached for my hand but I quickly pulled away.

"No Khaled, I can't. I am not worth anything. You deserve someone wealthier. Someone who can fit in your family easily and lives by your culture. Someone who is smart and beautiful. You deserve someone who can stand by your side and does not get destroyed by her problems." My voice cracked and my eyes focused on his crooked nose.

"Tell me that while you're looking in my eyes and I will not bother you anymore." He said softly.

Your love will not last if you fall for a man outside your culture. Don't get near them.

I closed my eyes as my mothers voice ringed in my ears before I gathered my strength and locked my eyes with his. "I can't be with you."

It was like the light vanished from his eyes as he said "As you wish Dr.Sabrinna." His voice was so stern and cold that it stabbed my heart. He stood up and left me on the blanket alone. He became heartless again like the boss he was.

And it was my fault.

What just happened?!
I don't know about yall but I cried while I writing this. This has to be one of my emotional chapter of all time in my opinion. Thanks for reading and The Hijabi's Boss only has 2 chapters left before we bid goodbye to it.

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Later beauties ❤