Lili POV
I was six days late. Which was very unusual for me, a girl whose had a regular period since she was fifteen. Cole and I had been together for four years and about six months ago we decided we wanted to start a family. Needless to say, it isn't turning out to be as simple as we thought. We've been trying constantly, and every pregnancy test I take has come back with only one line. Negative. Every time. Which explains why this time, when I realized I was six days late, I was really excited, and hopeful.
Cole was shooting at set. I have been shooting really long days recently, and Cole fought with me to take today off, insisting that I needed a "mental health day" to relax and rejuvenate. Usually when i thought I was pregnant he would be there to hold me when the test came back negative, but this time he wasn't. I was hoping the test would come back with two lines and I would be able to surprise him with the amazing news.
I walked into the en-suite bathroom in our apartment and reached under the sink to get the box of pregnancy tests that were stored under there. I pulled out one of the many sticks and placed it on the bench. I looked up and looked myself in the mirror, rubbing my lower belly and muttering, "please". I proceeded to open the test and pee on the stick, flushing the toilet and placing the test on the bench beside the toilet. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Surely this was it. Surely it was my turn to become a mother, finally. I walked into the lounge, taking a seat on the beige 'L shaped' couch and setting a timer on my phone for three minutes. I sat there, nibbling my nails. It seemed to be the longest three minutes of my life.
The alarm on my phone blared and I stood up and walked towards the bathroom with my fingers crossed. I entered the bathroom and took a seat on the toilet seat cover, next to the test that was face down on the bench. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I took the test in my hands and slowly turned it over, opening my eyes.
One line.
Negative.
My breathing immediately sped up and I burst out in sobs. I really though this was the time, and I was truly heart broken. I sat there, crying in the bathroom over my hypothetical baby for what felt like hours, before I finally pulled it together. I stood up, throwing the negative pregnancy test into the trash and closed the door to the bathroom. I grabbed my dressing gown and slippers, and went to watch Netflix on my laptop in bed. It was a good distraction from the pain I felt, but only could work as a 'band-aid' for so long. I couldn't stop thinking about it, and how much I, We, wanted a baby. We had already picked out names. Theo for a boy, and Paisley for a girl. It was draining how long I had to wait to use the names properly.
I eventually fell asleep on our bed, only awakening when I heard cole come into the apartment. "Hey love" I said, wiping my cheeks and hopping up off the bed. He couldn't know that I had taken another test. He would be heartbroken and feel guilty that he wasn't here to comfort me. "Hey sweet" he said, placing his bag down on the bench along with a shopping bag. "What did you buy?" I asked, starting to open the shopping bag. "Oh just some pantry staples and some ice cream" he said, as I pulled out a fresh box of pregnancy tests. I looked at him, starting to tear up a little. "Oh" he said, pulling them from my hand. "I just thou-" "it's okay baby" I interrupted, wrapping my arms around his neck. "They'll always come into use". He kissed me on my forehead and pulled me close. "How was your day?" He asked, stroking my hair. "It was good, relaxing" I said, trying not to think about the actual outcome of the day. He proceeded to tell me that his day was busy, and we moved to cuddle together on the couch whilst watching television and eating Chinese food that he had bought home.
Later at night we lay in bed together, cuddled into each other's arms. Cole was sound asleep, but I wasn't. I kept thinking about the possibility of not being able to start a family, after all the negative pregnancy tests we had had. I didn't realize that I had started sobbing until Cole brushed a hair behind my ear and asked "bub? Are you okay?" He pulled me close and rubbed my shoulder. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you" I muttered out between sobs. "Tell me what baby?"he asked, worriedly. "I took a test today. I am six days late" I said, feeling his breathing fasten. "And?" He said, pushing me back to look my in my eyes. "I really though this was the one" I said, bursting out in cry's. When he realized he pulled me close into his embrace and kissed me tenderly on the cheek. "Shhh love" he comforted me as I sobbed into his bare shoulder. "Why is it so hard?" I asked him, rubbing the back of his neck. "I don't know baby" he replied "but I promise you, one way or another, we will be parents". I stopped sobbing for a second and looked at him, his sharp jawline, his perfect hair. " we would make the most gorgeous babies" I giggled through sobs, he just pulled me closer and kissed me all over. "That we would love" he snickered. " and that we will. I love you" he said "so much" "I love you too" I replied, falling sound asleep in his arms.
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