Stay.

Chapter 24

I had spent the last hour at Adam's house, we all sat around the dining table finishing up our lasagne with garlic bread that Adam had cooked. It was delicious. He definitely knows his way around the kitchen and how to make your belly smile in appropriation.

During dinner Adam would grab my hand under the table, he would trace small circles on my skin that sent warm tingles throughout my body, I tried to contain the smile that wanted to shine through on my face, it had been a while since I felt so wanted.

I felt like I belonged with them as we continued to speak about eachothers day and got to know eachother that little bit better, the only thing that was missing was my two babies.

I though about them continuously, hoping they was okay and they was enjoying there time with there father. I'm sure they was, I knew Layne was loving every second of having her father back into her life, my concern was more for Dylan I just hope he wasn't giving Calvin a difficult time.

I hadent realised how much I missed Lexie and Daniel until I saw there cute little faces light up as I walked through the door, Lexie came running up to me and gave me the tightest cuddle I have ever received. It was beautiful.

Although she kept reminding me to bring Layne over next time so they can play dolls. I assured her I would which made that smile of hers a shine much more brighter.

I gave Daniel and Lexie a small cuddle and kiss on the head before I made my way to the front door, Adam followed closely behind me just as spung around to feel his lips against mine Layne came running out into the hallway and stood by Adam's side. I knew we couldn't show one another affection infront of her so I just showed Adam a small smile, he mirrored my actions but I could see that he felt gutted he couldn't kiss me, as did I. I told him I would text him later then made my way home.
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The children were tucked into bed as it was now nine o'clock. They said they had the best time with Calvin which made me smile, watching my children happy made me happy.

Calvin didn't stick around, he dropped the children off placed a letter into my hand, he told me to read it when I was alone and left, thankfully Layne didn't ask why he wasn't saying here. I'm not sure if he told her that he would no longer be living in the house, but that was a worry for another day.

I made a cup of coffee sat down on the sofa and grabbed the letter off the table, feeling my heart already thumbing against my ribcage as I had no clue what was inside.

I chucked the envelope on the seat next to me and began reading the words I never though I'd ever hear again.

Millie,

I have wrote this letter so many different times and ways, they have all ended up in the bin.
I'm not really sure where to start, you don't want to talk to me about us and I understand that completely. My behaviour towards you has been unforgivable I know that. I will have to walk around with the guilt for the rest of my life, but I deserve that.
I was a monster to you.
There will never be enough sorrys in this world to make you feel better. I spent the last two years ignoring you and the children, I will never get that time back with Dylan and Layne the only thing I can do now is be there for them, which I intend to do until they are of an age where I'm nothing more than there embarrassing father.
I'm so so sorry I left you to deal with everything by yourself, I was so wrapped up in my own needs and pain i didn't think how losing my parents and sister affected you and the children.
What a selfish prick I have been.
Thank you for letting me see the children, I have missed them terribly over the last six months. I would have called them but I knew the minute I heard there voices I would leave the rehab to come home to them.
I feel like I've been given a new set of eyes Millie, like I'm seeing everything so clearly again.
How beautiful are our children! Layne looks just like you, and Dylan his so handsome. He has your eyes Millie, my favourite shade of blue, I've lost count how many times over the years I've gotten lost in yours.
The first time I saw you in six months you opened the door wearing the brightest shade of pink, with the biggest smile on your face until you saw me. I could see the fear in your eyes immediately.
That broke my heart but I can't be mad at you for anything, the blame is all on me I did this to us, to you.
Millie you are beautiful. So beautiful. I still love you so much, I know my actions have given you the impression I don't but i truly do. I never stopped.
I just haven't been myself.
Losing my mother, father and sister all at once broke me. I couldn't deal with the pain so I drank and took drugs until I was numb, until I felt nothing but emptiness.
It's still no excuse for the pain I caused you, I'm not an idiot I know I've lost you forever, that is something I'm trying to deal with but all I can say is thank you for showing me true love, we really did have something special didn't we?
My only regret throughout it all was that I didn't make you my wife, that title would suit you perfectly my love.
I truly hope over time your heart heals from the pain I put you through to the point where you can actually look at me without disgust or fear.
The children told me your working again, that's fantastic news, I'm so pleased your doing something you always loved.
You are truly amazing.
I've been blind for so long, I stopped you working when the children were little.
How selfish.
I'm sorry for that too.
I'm not sure how you stood by my side for so long I really don't, I definitely didn't deserve you I know that much. Yet some how eleven years ago on April 11th I was blessed enough to feel your lips for the first time after our first date. You wore your hair up in a high ponytail and wore that plain red dress your mother bought you. After the date I whispered 'Can I keep you forever' in your ear. I remember feeling so nervous incase you slapped me round the face and called me a creep, but you didn't you had the happiest smile on your face and said 'Yes.'
I knew the minute my eyes layed on you for the first time I had to have you, my heart belonged to you right from the start sweetheart.
Unfortunately I didn't get forever with you, but I did get eleven years and two beautiful children. You really did make me happy Millie.
I'm not sure if I'll ever find anyone as good as you, you set a high bar sweetheart.
But one thing I do know is you'll find love again if you haven't already, I just hope they don't blow there chance like I stupidly did.
As much as it would kill me to see other man with you your happiness is my priority now, I stole your happiness for long enough so if my destiny is to live the rest of my life in misery then I'll take that path a thousand times over.
I know well still see eachother briefly by the door when I come to collect the children but I would never be able to speak these words out loud so I though this letter was the best way.
Millie, I know I've done some unspeakable things to you but I hope before I become that person that even I didn't recognise I made you happy.
I will always love you but sadly you are no longer mine and that's okay I'll let you go, I wish nothing more then happiness and joy for you Millie.
You deserve the very best.
From the man who will forever cherish our memories when we was happy and free.

From the man who once had it all.

From the man who is learning to live life for the first time without his love by his side.

From Calvin.