Stay.

Chapter 25

I read Calvin's letter at least three times once in my mind and twice out loud trying to allow the words to sink into my mush of a brain.

To my surprise I didn't cry once as I read over his truthful confessions, I wasn't sure why I didn't. Maybe I had spent long enough dealing with the emotion of no longer having Calvin around me that I had come to terms were was truly over. While Calvin was away focusing on getting himself better I was busy dealing with my own feelings and closing the book on that chapter of us.

It was a kind gesture, something he clearly felt he needed to get off his chest, and he was right I didn't want to sit down and speak about it all face to face, there wasn't any point in that. I had moved on, all I can do now was try to forgive, I'd like to say forgive and forget but I'd never forget the way he treated me towards the end. The memories of those dark days will forever stay in the corner of my brain reminding me known and again what it was like to be in a relationship that was toxic and unhealthy.

Although I'll forever remember the pain and hurt he put me through, I can't forget the good times we once shared as a couple, a couple that was once happy and wanted to start a family built on our love for one another.

Calvin wasn't all bad, I knew that deep down but I wasn't able fully forgive him yet. I needed time and that's ok.

I've surprised myself.

After I had the children and we became a family of four I use to look at Calvin and think I could never live this life without him by my side, I loved him with every inch of me and yet I look at him now and I see nothing more then a man who once owned but destroyed my heart.

I surprised myself by surviving, it hurt like a bitch to loose him and there was days where I was crippled by the pain but I got through it, I survived each day and as I felt myself getting stronger.

I could live life without Calvin, I could take care of my children by myself. I didn't need Calvin in my life, I wanted Calvin in my life, I wanted his love, i didn't need it. There was the difference I never realised until my broken heart began to heal.

As my mind was on Calvin and how we use to be a memory of us floor through my brain. I remembered one of our happiness memories together.

I walked out of the bathroom wearing the biggest smile upon my make up free face, I stopped in my tracks to absorb the view of Calvin sitting crossed leg on our cream king size bed.
His dark hair brushed to the side, his bright green looking up at me.
He was wearing a white shirt, but the first three buttons were undone relieving a little bit of his chest hair.
Sexy!

He really was something else.
Completely stunning. I'm not really sure how I managed to call him mine.

He must have spotted me gawking at me.

He threw a wide smile at me.
"Like what you see?" He teased.

I showed him a nod before biting my lip.

"You should see the view I have.." he paused for a moment before bringing his fingers up to his hand as if he was taking a photo of me. "Perfection" he murmered.

God he was perfect. I could feel the heat beginning to flow to my cheeks.

If I didnt have such exciting news to share with him then I definitely would have sent him to cloud nine.

"I have something to show you," I confessed. The excitement was becoming unbearable to control. If I didnt hurry up and show him I would tell him right here, right now.

His raised his eyebrows a little before sitting up. "Oh?" he asked.

I held my hand out to him. "Come,"

He jumped off the bed instantly before entwining our fingers together. "Always," he whispered into my ear.

I showed him another wide smile before pulling him into the bathroom, I stopped us both as we approach the little stick that was screaming positive at me.

Calvin looked down at me before pulling a confused look.
"What do you want to show me baby?" He asked as he placed a warm kiss onto my cheek.

"Look down at the sink." I whispered before giving his hand a small squeeze.

Calvin followed my order, he saw the stick resting on the side of the sink, he lent forward to get a better look, his eyes started to get wider before he threw his hand over his mouth. He pulled away from me.

"Your---"

I let out a loud squeal before placing my hand against my stomache.
"Your gunna be a daddy!" I shouted, as the feeling of joy danced all over my body.

Calvin scooped me up in arms as if I was as light as a feather. I let out a small Yelp, as small giggles escaping my lips.
Calvin ran back into our bedroom before placing me carefully onto our bed. He hovered over my body before beaming down at me.

"Really?" He asked.

I showed him a small nod.
"Really." I said through happy giggles.

"Oh wow. I'm going to be a father!" He shouted before jumping off the bed. He kept walking up and down our bedroom, his smile reaching from ear to ear. He would look over at me from time and time and just say 'wow.'
I let out another small laugh.

Calvin came running over to me on the before pulling me into a tight embrace, he placed kisses all over my face, causing me to laugh. He was happy, we had waited for this news.
Once ever inch of my face was covered in Calvin kisses he fell onto his knees, resting his head onto my belly.

"You don't know who long I've waited for you." Calvin whispered against my belly.

I smiled down at him, before chucking my hands through his dark brown messy hair.

"I love you," I whispered.

Calvin gaze was instantly on me, he showed me that smile that made my day brighter each time I saw it.
"I fucking love you!" He murmered before crashing his lips onto mine.

As the memory of that happy day left my mind, I finally felt free from the life I've continued to live.

That letter from Calvin was the final closure I needed for us, as much as it saddened me to read he still loves me and wants me back he also said he knew that wouldn't happen and he was right. I would never go back.

I had Adam, My stronger heart was now beating for him.

Maybe I should have ran away from love for the rest of my life, maybe I should have been alone for a while of the fear of having my heart completely broken again but that's not living.

I survived a broken heart once, and I'm pretty sure if Adam did ever break my heart I'll mend that one too and become even stronger.

I allowed fear to dictate my life for long enough I wasn't going to make that mistake twice, if anything reading Calvin's letter made me realise what I had been through and what I have in my life.

I still have my precious babies who I would do anything for, I have a man who makes me feel like the only women in this world, and his two children who I've become to adore.

Life is good, and i intend to spend as much time as I can counting my blessing and doing what makes me and my children happy.