{My Mental Health}

Deppresive Pt. 4

Here is the deppresive stage. Which is when your mood is really low. Here is an example of an event that happened when it was christmas.

We came from the mall and we were going to a restaurant, since they didn't like the restaurants there. It was a long drive, probably 30 minutes or so. Then we reached the tollgate. I don't really get it but we came through the easy-drive. And it just happened so fast, my aunt was screaming at the lady telling her she was supposed to do that and not this, yeah I don't get it as well. Somehow my aunt got mad at her husband, because he moved the car while my aunt was screaming at her. As her husband drives she keeps on screaming.

Now other story but it's related. My aunt and my other aunt (aunt 2) fought before because of something that my aunt 2 put in the bathroom. Aunt 2 put a letter in the wall of the bathroom saying that she isn't the maid, and that my aunt should clean it to. Coincidentally that morning was new year, and I came down to the stairs and heard them screaming at each other. I watched them, and I so very wished I didn't. The next move was grabbing each others hair, and that scared me. I came down stairs and told them to stop. I was about to say something like "Both of you are so old and you fight like that? So immature of you both" but then, I was cut off, by my mother.

"Go upstairs, this is none of your business"

She was right, but that affected me so much. My whole life I was so scared of letting my voice out. I was traumatised, so much that I thought of it when my aunt and her husband was fighting.

Now back to the fight of my aunt and my uncle, they were screaming at each other. And I was so ready to say something like "Stop fighting! Nothing is going to make that any better, what's done is done." but I couldn't. Then the fight between my aunt and aunt 2, repeatedly circled around me, and I couldn't do anything but cry. I felt so miserable and pathetic since I can't speak out. I was covering my mouth so my sobs won't be heard. Then my aunt said,

"Why am I not allowed to tell my opinions!?"

And that hit me hard. My aunt was bipolar just like me, so I relate to her so much. That was my problem in life, I can't speak out.

This made me cry so much more, I was in between my mother and my grandma that time so they heard me.

We finally arrived in the restaurant, somehow they stopped fighting, but my tears continued to stream down my face.

My mom asked me, when we sat at our chairs.

"What's wrong?"

Then more tears went out of my eyes.

"Come let's go outside"

While going outside I wasn't able to hold it in anymore. I sobbed at her telling her I'm sorry. I told her not everything, like always. 

Then we came back, and I just acted like nothing happened, as if it was just a dream. Because it's always like that, and I can't do anything about it.