"The thin lining between attraction and addiction"
June 10, 2013 (monday)
JASMINE's POV
White ceiling, mind burning headache 'not again' sabi ko sa sarili ko. Pinilit kong umupo sa pagkakahiga ko. Nagulat ako na may natutulog sa gilid ng kama ko.
And to my disappointment It wasn't who I expect it to be. "J-James, james wake up" i shook him and call him with a hoarse voice.
"Baby? Baby you're awake. Thank God. Oh my ! God knows I badly want to hit dee for causing you all this trouble" he says with all might while touching my face. I smiled.
"Thank you sa concern pero hindi naman siya ang nanakit sa akin" I said defending him. It true hindi naman siya ang nanakit sa akin 'well physically' .
"Dont even go there jas. You know what I mean. Just a week ago you we're here on the same room for almost the same reason" tuloy tuloy na sabi niya habang kinukuhanan ako ng tubig sa mini fridge ng hospital unit ko.
"Here, drink some water, tell me if you want something ok, anything" i nodded as my response and took the water in his hands and drink it. I felt refreshed.
"If it will make you feel any better the douche bag visited you last night but you we're still asleep, and even the girl named kaileen visited you as well" sa pag banggit ng pangalan ni kaileen I felt uncomfortably angry at her. It was her who cause me all the pain.
I was better off before that night. Nagsimula akong maging ok dahil binisita ako ni dee sa bahay I started to have get my appetite back dahil kasama ko siya. I started going out of the house dahil sinasamahan niya ako. Siya pa nga nag sundo sa akin sa hospital kahit pa pinagpipilitan ni james na hindi tama na siya pa ang maghatid sa akin pauwe.
Then that unexpected night happened. We are on our way for our dinner not that fancy though gusto lang daw ni dee na lumabas kami bago siya pumasok.
We are on our my car when suddenly someone texted him. That made him felt furious. "Jas change of plans I need to go somewhere else" sabi niya at mukhang naiinis siya. "Anong nangyare sasamahan kita" umiiling siya . "I know this is not right lalo na sa sitwasyon mo, but I have no time, i need to go there now" I was silently nodding at him.
napunta kami sa isang unfamiliar bar. I was about to get off the car ng pigilan ako ni dee "makinig ka, wala kang gagawin kung hindi hintayin ako dito, sandali lang ako nagkakaintindihan ba tayo?" That just hype my curiousity. But I just nodded as a response para wala ng arguement.
It was nearly 5mins at kating kati na akong lumabasa so lumabas ako at pumasok sa bar.
The first thing I saw was kaileen talking with another girl while with 'another boy' but then again biglang may humablot sa kanya and I can see the furious gaze from where m at believe me. And then I saw dee looking at the same scene na tinitignan ko.
I was about to go near dee nang biglang siyang sumigaw.
"WAG MO SIYANG HAWAKAN!!!"
I knew no one expect a roaring dee on the scene other than the smirking girl na kausap ni kai. Hinawakan konang balikat ni dee para pigilan siya.
He face me magsasalita pa sana siya nang makita niya tatayo pa ulit ung lalake na tinulak niya kanina.
"I TOLD YOU NEVER TO GO NEAR HER AGAIN!" Booming as it may sound galit na galit si dee sa lalaki.
"Fuck you deinz fuck off!!!" Biglang tumayo angblalake at pinagsusuntok si dee. I felt so helpless. Pumagitna sa dalawa si kaileen.
"TAMA NA! TAMA NA SABI EH!" Pero sadyang walang gustong mag paawat sa kanila
Nagulat ako sa biglang pagkatumba ni dee. And it made me furious ayaw na ayaw kong may nanakit kay dee. Call me stupid and brave at the same time.
Nilapitan ko ang lalake na tumulak kay dee at pinaghahampas ko siya ng bag ko.
"You have no right to hurt him!" Sigaw ko sa kanya but he didnt stop. He grab the colar of dee that made me even mad at him "BITAWAN MO SI DEE!! Ang sama sama mo walang hiya ka!!" I felt a strong impact on my head that it made me dizzy.
But before i black out I heard him shout my name. "JAS!!" And that alone made me happy.
And so endingbup on my hospital bed again is so worth it. Alam ko I am up for something and one thing I know off am not giving up anytime soon.
"I hope I am the reason for that smile" my day dreaming was cut short. Sinusubuan ako ni james ng apple.
I look at him with pity. Kung kaya konlang tanggalin ang pagkagusto kay dee at ilipat sa kanta ginawa ko na. But I just cant not now. Lalo na am not just attracted to dee my heart is so addicted to the thought of having a chance with him.
"Thanks" I just smiled back at him.
Hinawakan nanaman niya ang mukha ko. I was about to feel his palm when someone suddenly open the door
"jas???" I Felt a sudden giddy feeling marinig ko lang ang boses niya with concerend around it.
"Oh you did not just came here while am with her" sabi ni james na todo pag pigil sa paglapit ni dee sa akin.
"Look gusto ko lang siya kumustahin pwede ba" sabi niya kay james.
I was so happy he was arguing just to see me . I really felt so special.
"You're not needed here as far as I can remember it YOU! for the second time, cause this chaos in her life so back off dude!" I was like 'what the hell' with everything na sinasabi ni james kay dee. I can see guilt all over his face.
"Jas hindi ko sinasadya, I never mean you to be on any kind of harm" tatayo sana ako para lapitan siya but am just too weak yo even stand up.
"You bring trouble to her and you are not good for her!" I can sense all bitterness sa tono ni james.
"Oh just shut up james leave us alone for a moment please." Alam ko I will be very insensitive sa ginawa ko kay james but he left me with no choice gusto mo makausap si dee.
Binitawan niya si dee at lumabas na. Sadness and disappointment is very visible to his face.
Nilapitan ako ni dee at hinawakan ang kamay ko "are you feeling better?" Tumango lang ako. Makita ko lang siya nagiging ok na ako.
The conversation lasted for good 25mins kailangan na daw niya umalis.
"Kailangan ko na umalis jas, Dont worry bibisitahin kita ulit ok?" He sighed.
No matter what alam ko sa sarili ko. Its not a loosing battle and so I am willing to fight.
Pagkaalis ni dee ay dumating naman ulit si james.
It was awkwardly silent. Siya ung andito kht hnd ko hilingin. Siya ung laging nandyan kahit hindi naman kailangan. I would like to give him what he wanted but its just that my heart has a different want and its not james.
"J-james" i called him out. But I think he doesnt want to talk to me.
"Dont worry am here to stay. No matter what. I have no plans of getting tired"
I was taken aback. Natahimik ako. I just bit the back of my hand to stop the tears of getting out.
***
11/16/14
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