"Id rather die in honesty than live with your lies"
KAILEEN'S POV
I was still in shocked I am fidgeting ramdam ko ang panginginig ng panga ko at nang buong kalamnan ko.
I was supposed to be expecting THIS. But not like this. Akala ko Ok na. Akala ko babalik din siya. Akala ko nalilito lang siya. Pero tanga ako na umasa.
I started calming myself for anytime baka bumalik si dee. I dont want him to see me like this. NOT on this state.
I roughly wipped subtle tears on my cheeks. Humarap aq sa salamin at nag powder.
"Kai would you want to download other movie to watch o-- anung nangyare?" Hindi ko ineexpect ang reaction niya.
He was furious. "Anung nangyare sayo?" He keep asking. And the more I try to stop on sniffing to stop crying. I just cant. I am not an emotional person pero hindi rin naman ako manhid.
"Stop this dee, masakit na eh" Pilit niya hinarap ang mukha ko sa mukha niya.
"What the hell are you talking about kai? Saan masakit?"
I press my fist hard on my chest. "Dito,masakit"
CONFUSION-bakas sa mukha ni dee ang pagkalito. Hindi niya ala ang gagawin.
Lumapit siya sa akin at hinawakan ang kamay q. He tried to examine every part of me still looking for the reason why I am hurt.
"Anu bang nangyayari sayo kai?" Hawak niya ang balikat ko at pinit na hiaharap sa kanya.
"Ano nga ba ang nangyari sa akin dee? Ano pa nga ba ang kulang?" I tried to look intently to his eyes to know the answers to my own questions.
Binitawan niya ang balikat ko na siyang pagbagsak din ng balikat niya. He was barely breathing on our conversation.
Tatalikuran niya sana ako pero ako naman ang humakaw sa side ng balikat niya para hindi niya ako talikuran. "Tell me dee ano pa nga ba ang kulang? Laro na lang ba ito? Gumaganti ka na lang ba? Ano ba? Please tell me id rathe you slap the truth to my face that caress me with lie. Please tell me"
STARING - tulala lang siya sa mga sinasabi ko. He looked straight to my eyes like he is finding the words to say through my eyes.
Kinuha niya ang kamay ko and he envelope me to a hug. I felt warm but I have the urge to see his face. But he'd rather hug me and say nothing.
We stayed on that position for quite awhile. But he suddenly broke the silence.
"This is no longer a game kai, ang problema kasi. Nung time na sayo lang ang oras ko sinaktan mo ako. Now am giving my time to my family,kailangan mo naman ako" and at that point I think I know where our conversation is going.
I hug him tighter. I squeez my head on his shoulder trying to stop the tears on falling. He continued.
"I dont want to lie, I just cant say straight about the truth." Then I felt fear. What truth is he trying to say? Eto ba ung sinasabi ni jas na iiwan na niya ako? I gasp for air.
He started caressing my back. 1 want to see his face but he hugs me tighter as well.
"Kai, oo siguro nga naiisip ko na iwan ka na lalo na pag di kita kasama. But the thing is the NEED for me to be with you has a higher percentage of me not wanting to see you anymore" truth beholds and it sucks.
Masakit isipin na ung taong mahal mo at ayaw mong mawala ay may thoughts na iwan ka.
"Pero kai am torn, between you and my family. Dad is pressuring me to take over ganun din si mama. Unaasa sa akin ng mga kapatid ko. I know our business is not in a good shape. Kaya gusto ko maging focus..." he push me a little para makita namin ang isat isa. He caress my cheeks.
"And even its hard to admit you are my little beloved distraction..."
And on cue tears kept falling.
Yumuko ako. Telling myself 'tama na kai, you were not born to cry so stop'
Pero parang may sariling isip ang mga luha ko. They just wont stop.
"Dont think of the later kai. Mahal kita at importante ka sa akin. I dont want to lose you just because am trying to be a better man. I want you to be strong within the process and i hope you could support me" I can sense ang pakikiusap sa bawat salita ni dee.
"Di ko alam dee, masakit din kasi ang nababalewala" I plainly answered touching his hands that holds ng face.
"Dont give up on me yet please, just not yet" he kisses me on my forehead and embraces me.
"Please kai, konti pang pasensya at pagiintindi. I dont want to lose you in the process."
Niyakap ko ang baywang niya at nilubog ang mukha ko sa dibdib niya.
'I love this man that am letting pain to enter my life without any filter' yan na lang ang naisip ko habang yakap siya.
Then our attention was taken by my phone ringing.
And seeing the name as it flashes on y screen didnt feel right.
Kyle calling...
***
01/23/14
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○●○sorry sa napakabagl at napakatagal na update busy po kasi sa work but am back to updating, ganyan ata talaga pag wala k ng pag kakaabalahan. Oopss sorry nagdradrama. Am just on my #brokenhearted state. Well thank you sa patuloy pa rin na nagbabasa. Sobrang salamat.
Tweet me please...@KNwattpader
