"When being ready really means not being prepared at all"
Kaileen's POV
July 10,2013 (wednesday)
So far everything is feeling ok. Alam ko naman at ramdam ko dee ia doing his best to give time for me. Pero sadyang busy lang siya. He tries to call me and when I missed a call and I'll call him back he wouldnt answer anymore kasi it only means that was his ony free time. Sa gabi naman na para bang naalimpungatan lang siya na tatawag siya ng tatawag thinking that am sleeping and my phone is on silent mode. But he still try anyway.
I dont complain on our situation thinking that we dont have a WE yet. Nasa sitwasyon ako na 'nasasaktan ako kahit wala akong karapatan'. I am trying my best to understand our situation, It was my fault anyway. Yan na lang sinasabi ko sa isip ko.
I was on my way to the grocery nang makasalubong ko si marco. "Uy saan ka pupunta?" I have my list and my bag. "May order kasi tsaka wala na rin kami stocks kaya mag grocery ako" i simply responded.
"Samahan na kita, dala ko kotse ko" I refuse to pero sadyang mapilit ang kaibigan ko kaya sa huli pumayag na rin ako.
@grocery
I was busy looking at my list and marco is the one pushing the cart. When we suddenly collided with someone.
"Oh shoot sorry" sabi ko sa nabungo namin. I saw shocked on their faces.
When it finally sinked in kung sino mga nakabunguan namin. I just smiled at them.
"Kai!!!!! Kumusta kana??" As usual si seth na maingay at katsumi na makulit ang unang lumapit sa akin. Si lester naman nakatitig lang kay marco.
"Hello kumusta na kayo?? Ang tagal na natin hindi nagkikita" I said after hugging one of them including lester na masama pa rin ang tingin kay marco.
"Eh nagtatago ka ata. Mula nung uuwe si dee hindi ka na rin nagpakita. Huy welcome ka pa rin doon ok?" Sabi ni seth sa akin.
"Uhm kai sino yang kasama mo?" Si lester naman ang nagsalita sasagt pa sana ako nang singitan ako ni katsumi "pinsan mo?" Umiling ako sasagot sana ako ulit ng singitan naman ako ni seth "ahh" as if he had a conclusion in mind.
"Oh sandali lang ha" hinila ko si marco papalapit sa tatlo. "Marco eto sina seth,lester and katsumi college friends ko sila; and guys this is my new friend marco" all of the guys have blank faces.
"Well, ano naisipan niyo at buti nag grocery kayo eh di ba fast food buddies kayo?" I break the awkward silence.
"Ah padating kasi si dee bibisita tsaka wala na rin kami stocks sa bahay kaya naisipan na namin na magrocery" and the time na nabanggit nila na dadating si dee i was really excited.
And i think marco sense that they are friends of dee.
"Talaga? Kailan siya dadating?" Dalidali kong tanong sa kanila.
"Hindi mo na siya nkakatext? Sa amin din kasi ang dalang nang magtext nagpaka BUSYnessman na tlga ang mokong" sabi ni seth.
Well that made me feel better atleast I wasnt the only one.
"Tulad nga ng sabi niyo sobrang busy niya kaya kahit ako hindi ko na siya masiado nakakausap" i sadly answered.
"Buti pa nga si jas nakakabis--, ouch" siniko ni katsumi si seth
I felt bitter liquid coming out of the throat. I looked down.
"Uhm kai minsan lang naman yun eh last sunday, pumunta kasi si jas kina dee" pag eexplain ni katsumi. "Ewan ko nga ba bat pumunta pa yun doon at paano nakatakas kay james na buntot ng buntot sa kanya" pandagdag ni lester na may asar na mukha.
I felt a light tap at my back. I saw marco's face like telling me 'tara na' . So at that point thats what I did.
"Ah baka namiss lang din niya si dee besides kaibigan niya si jas. At baka sobrang busy lang talaga ni dee na hindi niya nabanggit sa akin." I was making excuses for dee which was pretty stupid but I did it anyway.
"Cgro nga and besides alam ko diba magdadate kayo this week malamang sa malang miss na miss kana rin nun." Pag papaalala sa akin ni katsumi.
Well i gave him a weak smile.
"Cge guys una na kami madami pa kasi ako paoorder ha, see you next time"
I wave goodbye and went through the isle. I was absentmindedly looking at my list and nothing is processing.
"Ok ka lang ba kai?" I was on a halt nang bigla ko nakita ang concerned face ni marco.
"I Was supposed to be ready for this, I expected this to happen. Alam ko naman na maapektuhan ng past ang present eh pero bat ganun marco ang sakit sakit parin" He just pulled me in a hug.
I didnt care if people sees me like this. I just needed to burst now. Masakit lang na nakakasama niya si jas ako hindi. Dahil alam ko naman na kasalanan ko. But isnt it unfair? Too unfair.
"Tana kai, bahala ka isipin pa nila ako nanaman nagpaiyak sayo, naku masisira ang kagwapuhan ko neto heartbreaker ang labas ko" napatigil naman ako sa pag iyak at natawa sa sinabi ni marco.
I jokingly push him on the chest. "Baliw ka talaga" he touch my cheeks and pull my chin up. "Oo baliw ako, baliw na baliw sayo" sabay taas baba pa ng kilay niya.
I put my palm on his face, well that made me smile.
Humarap na ako sa cart at tinulak to.
"Someday kai someday..." i looked back and saw longing on marco's eyes.
If only I could pinpoint who to choose probably I a part of me will choose him but still my heart chooses dee.
***
12/22/14
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