punch drunk love | renmin

27

he could hear renjun's sobs, he could hear him trying to compose himself, he could hear everything. something just made jaemin unable to do anything. he didn't know he stopped breathing until renjun was out of the frame. when he fell on his knees realizing what just happened and shed numerous tears. what stopped him. he liked renjun, a lot more than he could even think. it might be guilt, it might be the promise he made with himself. but the same moment the shorter was about to kiss him his head went blank.

was it all over? did renjun hate him now? numerous questions went on through his head, but honestly none of them were about the girl that was waiting for him at the amusement park.

he didn't break one, but two hearts that evening.

-

xiaojun knocked on the door of renjun's classroom, "is renjun there?" he asked the first guy he came across. the said guy glanced around, no renjun in sight. "huh, nope. I think he's absent since... monday?." xiaojun sighed, he tried to contact him in the last few days, but he didn't reply nor read whatever he wrote him. he thought he said something wrong, but maybe it was something beyond that.

it didn't take long for jaemin to see him, for what reason could he be there if not renjun, since the disastrous event he's been out of his mind, constantly mad at himself, pouring his anger over everyone who came in sight.  "what are you doing here?" xiaojun didn't reply, his aura was way too scary, plus his frowning face didn't help, he couldn't help being afraid. "you're here for renjun? wasn't he at your house? you can't get enough of him, huh?" jaemin was stepping closer each question he threw at him.

"jaemin calm down." jeno and haechan, who were watching the situation degenerate tried to hold him back by his shoulders.

he shook them off.

"w-what are you talking about? i haven't seen him in days." xiaojun backed away, he was telling the truth but jaemin didn't believe him.
"haha, sure. fuck off." he scoffed. jeno held him back more firmly, "jaemin stop!" he glared at his friend.

"he's back in china." sicheng entered the classroom and hid xiaojun behind his back. the word spread quickly 'two kids from the second floor are fighting', sicheng was coincidentally passing by to deliver some files to the science teacher and stopped by.
"china? when?" jaemin asked, his tone still harsh. "i know what happened, he asked me for a early birthday present. he departed sunday."

sunday? it's been three days, he didn't notice anything. nothing.

he made his way through the people that gathered around the door and rushed outside of the classroom, finally stopping when he reached the rooftop, empty as usual. he took out his phone from the pants' pocket. he dialed renjun's number, shoving it to his ear. come on, come on. reply. he didn't hear his voice, it was the secretary. he dialed again, no reply this time too. then again , again and again no answer."ARGH COME ON, please reply." that was probably his 14th call. he sat at their usual spot against the wall, the 'dumb jm' renjun wrote their second time here was still vivid even though it was made in pencil.

"i know." he said.

"welcome back ren!" kun welcomed his cousin, they met at a starbucks, seeing each other for the first time in months. "i heard you came here monday early in the morning, what's up with you? i thought you would have never came back after what happened."

"i'm stay here to clear my head. aah, i just... i think love isn't for me." he started mixing his tea kun ordered for him in advance. he ordered the same thing every time. "did story repeat itself?" he asked lowering his voice. renjun shook his head. "i might have tried to kiss this guy."

"and?", his eyes wavered, "i thought he liked me, you know, he flirted with me, repeatedly initiating skin ship, begged me to become my model, he became jealous of this friend of mine because he thought he had a crush on me." kun hummed as he was slurping his americano.

"at some point he picked me up and our lips were so close so i went in..." he shook his head, "he turned around, avoided me."

"i know he won't tell anyone, i trust him, i can't face him yet, that's it." he sipped his tea.

"ren, i'm so sorry." kun ruffled his hair, "it's not about you, if he doesn't like you he's the one at loss, you might be destined to be just friends, maybe it's just better this way." he paused for a second thinking for the best advice he could come up with, "let's do it this way, when you go back, tell him everything. tell him you like guys, you let yourself be carried away and you are sorry."

"the thing is... that day i was emotional and after crying i went at his door, asking him to play a basketball match but then i, i... it was their anniversary with his girlfriend." kun didn't reply, "when i was back home i found out." he was trying hard not to cry. "i felt horrible, kun.."

the older got up to him hugging his younger cousin. "i messed up, she,, she even warned me to back off."

"oh, renjun. shh, don't cry." renjun broke the hug first, tried to cover his face the best he could with his hoodie. "let's go home, this is getting embarrassing." kun agreed and escorted him outside.  kun was really worried, the younger cried twice in less than a week, jaemin really wrecked him.

"tell me, what happened between you and renjun?" jeno avoided the subject until that afternoon, when he couldn't stand it anymore. jaemin almost beat up xiaojun earlier that day, what the fuck was going on?

"he tried to kiss me." jeno gasped, "that's amazing what-"

"i rejected him." 

"WHAT?" jeno checked him, is he talking with the real jaemin? he leaned a hand on his shoulder, looking each other in the eyes, it was way too surreal to be the truth. "ARGH! HUANG RENJUN!!!!" jaemin stomped his feet and kneeled down pouting. "he took me by surprise, i promised myself not to make a move on him before breaking up with bora." he sighed. "but then he just went for it, b-b-but it was our anniversary and i remembered it so i.. i just couldn't do it. " he paused and then continued after receiving no reaction from jeno, "what about her? i should have told her first." he looked at jeno, he was just listening, now it sounded more plausible. jaemin is a good guy, he understood his issue. "i wanted to stop him, my body froze. i just couldn't reach him..." jeno patted his back. "what did you do then?"

"when he left it was late, i came back and saw all the messages bora had sent me i told her to meet me. i told her everything." jaemin explained, "what did she say?"

"she said 'i'm happy you finally found someone you really like.', but i could see that she was not." jaemin paused for a second, "i reached for her to stop her, but she begged me not to..."

"it would have been harder for her to give up on you. you can't complain." jeno sighed, "you better do something about renjun fast, or you are going to lose both." jaemin nodded. the other helped him get up and continued their way home.

 
🗻🏜🗻🏜

update !

i'm working on a johjae draft, would you be interested to read it in the future? :)
hope you're healthy and safe, take care !!!