Elites of Seoul | Taejin ✔️

Confession & Guilt

Five Years Ago

As the sound of a newborn crying burst through the room. Jin laid his head back on the bed, allowing tears to fall out of his eyes. The crying of the baby was making him feel things he didn't want to feel.

When Namjoon brought the baby over to him, wrapped him a pink blanket for him to hold, he refused. He didn't want to take her; he just wanted Namjoon to take her and leave.

"Jin, are you not going to hold your baby?"

"I-I am tired." was all Jin responded and turned his head towards the other direction.

Namjoon stood there waiting for what felt like a long time thinking Jin would turn around and take the baby from him, but he didn't.

*******

Present moment, Taehyung's Pov:

Jin had resentment towards his daughter, and I didn't know what to say to him about it. I felt like I didn't have a right to tell him if he should or shouldn't feel that way.

I had not endured the pain he had. I am sure he has a reason for feeling that way, although I wish there was something I could do to change his feelings or his mind. Iseul was innocent in this, and so was Jin. Jungkook probably was too.

"She is linked to a memory that I hate the most. I don't hate her, but I hate whom she is connected to. I hate how she came about. Having her in the U.S. makes things better for me. I don't have to see her as often as if she was here. Namjoon treats her like his own. She thinks I am her uncle."

"Are you okay with her believing that for the rest of her life?" Jin looked down at his feet. I got up out of my chair and walked over to where he was sitting. kneeling in front of him and taking his hands into my own. "Talk to me, please; it's the only way I will know what I need to do."

"I- I don't know. I don't want her to think I neglected her, and then she will hate me, so at times I think she should not know. But then I feel sorry for my brother; he has given so much up for me without even knowing the whole truth. Look at me, I am married, and he's not because he can't find time to date because of her."

Jin seemed unsure about what he wanted when it came to Iseul, and it was clear he felt guilty when it came to his brother. However, I had met Namjoon; he didn't seem like someone who wasn't willing to go across the entire universe and back when it came to Jin. I had honestly expected him to give me a harder time being married to Jin, but he hadn't. Instead, he always told me that he was happy Jin met me, I didn't understand it then, but I am beginning to get the full picture now.

"Okay let me ask you something, when I say Iseul, what's the first thing that comes to your mind."

"She's my daughter."

"If you believe she is your daughter, then I think you shouldn't allow her to believe otherwise. I can tell you are broken because of what happened, but if you truly love her and want to be known as her Appa, you should allow that to happen."

He lifts his hand and looks me in the eyes as tears kept falling out of his own. I don't think he would ever understand how much it breaks me to see him like this.

"I feel like it's easier said than done, Taehyung. She knows me her entire life as her uncle, Namjoon has been recognized as her father, do you understand the heartbreak she will go through? I am not sure how I would act as a parent to her like I am okay with doing it from a distance, but having her around close to me, I don't know if that's something I could do.

Being pregnant with her was the most painful time of my life. I tried so many times to kill myself even without Namjoon knowing. I know you were saying you want us to have kids, but it's one of the reasons why I have been trying to avoid us having kids. I don't know how I would feel being pregnant again; being pregnant with her was very traumatizing for me.

I am sorry, I know I have told you a lot within the past few hours, but I must confess that I have been on birth control since the very day I decided to sleep with you. I never stopped them even after we got married. I recently lost my pills, but I had planned on getting a refill as soon as I can. I am sorry, Taehyung, I am, and I will understand if you want to leave me, but I don't think I want to have any more kids. I don't think I can."

I released my hold on Jin's hand and fell back onto the floor. I was the one who threw away his pills, but how was I supposed to know about all of this.

"B-but I want kids."

I want to be a father, and I want kids. When I proposed to Jin I could see us having kids, I saw us building a family together.

Even when I would hear him talk about his students it made me happy, as I saw the nurturing side of him, I saw him being a parent, I saw him raising our kids. I saw our future together.

I am okay with everything, but I don't think I am okay with not having kids, but then I am also not okay with losing him.

I don't know what to do.