Elites of Seoul | Taejin ✔️

Conflicting Emotions

Seokjin's Pov:

I was examining the wrapping on my wrist when Taehyung walked into the room, and he didn't look well. His shirt had bloodstains on it; he looked like he had been crying, his eyes were bloodshot red.

He shuts the door and stood by it; he looked at me momentarily before closing his eyes and biting into his bottom lip as tears started running down his face.

"Tae-" my voice fades away as he started sobbing out loud, holding onto his chest, slipping down onto the floor. My eyes widen, and I tried sitting up on the bed to look down at him. "Tae, what's wrong?" it was probably a stupid question, but I didn't know what else to say. I wasn't expecting to see him like this.

He lifts his hand, holding up one finger as if he was asking me to give him a moment. I dropped my head back down onto the pillow, my head feeling dizzy at the impact. I closed my eyes for a while and then opened then again, tears falling down the side of my face, running down my neck.

I cried silently as I listened to him, cry on the floor. I knew I was to be blamed for this, and I hated it. My selfishness was ruining someone else, and I didn't realize it until now.

"Okay, I am good," Taehyung said, standing up surprising me as he wipes his eyes. His voice sounded a bit hoarse. "I thought I lost you; you s-scared me." He sat on the bed next to me, pulling my hand into his. "I am sorry about what I said before; you are not a mistake; marrying you was never a mistake. I was wrong, and I am sorry. Sorry for pressuring you into something you don't want, I have been selfish, and I am sorry. I made you feel unwanted, and you are not unwanted, you are my entire world, and---the thought of losing you, t-think I lost you, it's hurting me so m-much." His voice cracks, and he rubs my hand as tears fall from his eyes.

"P-please stop apologizing, Taehyung." I squeezed onto his hand. "I am the one that's sorry. I am the selfish one. It has just been so much I don't know how to deal with it anymore, and I felt as though I was becoming a burden to you. When I thought you were leaving me, my mind became blank, I lost hope, I didn't know what to do, and I know me doing this was selfish, and I am sorry, I am just at a loss, I don't want to be a burden to you, I don't want to continue disappointing you. I came into our marriage with so many problems, and I just keep making it hard for you. You don't deserve that." It feels so hard to face him, knowing what I had done, knowing how this had all turned out.

"You are not a burden; you were never a burden. I shouldn't have said our marriage was a mistake, I was angry and I said something I shouldn't have. When you hesitated about the baby, I lost it because you promised me that you would never get rid of our child if you were to get pregnant, and when you hesitated, it broke something in me. It made me feel like I have been fighting for us alone. I was trying to do everything in my power to make us work, to make things right, but you are still keeping a part of yourself distant from me, you know, I was having thoughts like this. So, I acted out in a way I shouldn't have, said somethings I should've never said to you, and I don't know if you will ever forgive, but I am sorry. If you don't want this baby while I am not okay with you doing an abortion, I will respect your decision. If you want a divorce, I will honor that too, but please just promise me you will never do something like this again, your life is too precious for you to be giving up so easily."

I pulled my hands out of his and sat upon the bed as best as I could, trying not to put pressure on my now sore wrist. "I have been selfish, Taehyung, and it's unfair to you. I don't want you to blame yourself for anything because I am wrong. A lot of this would have been avoided had I been honest with you from the very beginning. Truthfully I was scared, but at the same time, I was also embarrassed, hurt, afraid, and confused. Before me, you had a beautiful home, a good life, one without all this drama I have exposed you to. I have destroyed your friendship group; we have fought more than we have enjoyed our marriage. All these things have been weighing heavily on my mind for the past few weeks. I didn't just do this because our argument, it's been so much, the case and planning everything, I am scared, but I didn't want to disappoint you either. You want things for us that I can't even visualize myself.

Mentally and emotionally I am lost, my head hasn't been clear for a while now, and I think you were not wrong, our marriage is a mistake-"

"Jin no, please-"

"Please, let me finish. You are not a mistake; you are far from a mistake. In the past few weeks, I got to see the man I got married to. You became him again, caring, selfless, loving, everything I thought I would never have. But, it also showed me how much my behavior and what I have done had caused you to change. The months before this, you became someone else, someone who made me want to dig deeper into the lies I was burying and stay there. I am damaged Taehyung; I am not fit to be in a marriage with you, you deserve more, someone who is not only of your status but someone who is not carrying all these problems that will destroy the relationships you have had way before me. Someone who will love you the way you love them, that's what you deserve, that's what I want for you.

Jungkook doesn't deserve the hate that is going to come because of his parents, either. He is innocent, and no matter how much I think about this, although this will give me justice, it will bring him pain, and I don't want that for him. I have been dealing with this pain; I have been carrying this burden. Let me continue to do so."

Taehyung let out a deep breath and squeezed his fist together, clearing his throat and looking at me, "What are you saying, Seokjin?"

"I-I think we should get a divorce, it's not what I want, but I think it's best. I just want to stop being a burden to you, and I don't want to cause trouble for anyone else." I don't know what I was saying, I love Taehyung, but none of this was fair to him. I was slowly destroying his life with my past, and it was very apparent.

****

Taehyung's Pov:

It suddenly became hard for me to swallow as I looked into the eyes of the man I love. I didn't know what to make of any of this. He was worried about fucking Jungkook. I wanted to scream, but I bit my lip. I had to remind myself of what had taken place today; he wasn't ready to hear it all; it would kill him if I told him.

One thing I was sure about after listening to Jin and piecing everything together from all our other conversations while planning the case against the Jeons, he loved Jungkook, and he has never stopped loving him.

The stabbing pain in my chest kept me silent as I looked at him, hoping he would pull back his last words. As he wiped his tears, my hear ached, and I might be one of the stupidest men on the planet, but I hugged him, placing my head on his chest, "You are not a burden, let's think about this before we make decisions we will regret. You still not well right now; let's focus on recovering from today, and then, we will figure out the next steps. I am here; I am not leaving unless you make the ultimate decision that you want me to."

Jin hugged me back and rested his head against mines. I could hear him crying. Our journey just seemed to be getting harder and harder, and I didn't understand why. It's like everything was against us, but after finding out what I did today, I wasn't going to give up on us.

I had faith in Jimin. I know Jin doesn't, but they had more in common than they realize.

****

A/N: *Sighs* We have some way to go, but I can assure you that the journey, may or may not be worth it 😉. Told you from the beginning this is a slow updating book and every detail of it is important. Now hang onto what you know if Jimin, if you remember anything besides his attitude 😩. 

Ask questions if you got then, I will not reveal hints for future chapters though.