Elites of Seoul | Taejin ✔️

Bitter Denial

Jimin's Pov:

"He is sleeping," Taehyung says, trying to stop me from going into the room that Jin was in.

"You wanted my help, right?" I confirmed with him. I was feeling like crap that I didn't have the energy to talk to him. I could not believe Jin had gone through something similar to what I had, and imagine, I have been nothing but a bitch towards him. I swear I am always friendly to all the wrong fucking people.

"Yeah, but I don't want to wake him up, and you haven't even told me how you are going to help him."

"Have you ever been raped?" I placed my hands on my hips and look up at Taehyung; he could be very annoying at times.

"N-no."

"Exactly, so even if I told you, you wouldn't understand. Now, can you please go and order me something to eat, preferably something gluten-free. I promise your husband will be fine." I smiled at him, and he looked at me, giving me one his blank stares.

"Just go!" I pushed him and hurried into the room where Jin was making sure to lock the door.

Jin sat up immediately when he saw me. "What are you doing here?"

"Relax, I am not here to fight. I am just tired, Taehyung said you were taking a nap, so I figured I would come to take a nap too." I smiled at him, and he looked at me as if he wanted to throw something at me. See, this is exactly what I was trying to describe to Taehyung before; I knew Jin didn't like me. I mean, I wouldn't like me either, but that is still beside the point.

Jin tried getting up from the bed, but only to fall back onto the bed and wince in pain as he flashed his wrist. I looked at him and shook my head. I guess Taehyung was right; we were a lot more similar than I had initially thought.

"I don't want you in here." he snapped at me while examining the bandage on his arm that blood was soaking through.

"I know, I wouldn't want me in here either, but as I said, I am tired, this baby keeps kicking me nonstop. I think she is having anxiety that your husband hasn't sent the Chanel designers to do her room as of yet. Can you remind him to do that for me?"

Jin glared at me and tried getting up from the bed again. I shook my head when he sat back down; I figured he was probably feeling too weak to stand up. I walked over to the bed he was on and laid next to him.

"Why are you doing this? Why are you here?" Jin turned and looked at me, and I could tell he was very much annoyed. I am sure if Taehyung witness this, he would kick me out.

"I told you, the baby is kicking me, I am tired. I just want to rest for a bit, can I do that please, I am not here to bother you. Besides, honestly, Jungkook and I are fighting right now, and I just want to be away from home, you know. Marriage is like so overrated; I wish I knew what I was getting myself into before allowing my parents to choose for me.

I thought marrying Jungkook I could grow to love him someday, but it didn't work out that way. At least I don't know if I tried hard enough. When I got married to him, I was still thinking of Yoongi. Oh, by the way before Jungkook, Yoongi and I used to be a thing. Way before Hoseok, though, but you can't tell Hoseok.

Anyway, back to what I was saying, when I got married, the first couple of months were okay, you know that honeymoon stage, right? Well, that period was great, Jungkook he is handsome, so many drools over him, I thought even though he wasn't my pick, I still won, well from a picture-perfect couple standpoint. But that was before Yoongi called me one night, he was feeling down, he and Hoseok had gotten into a fight, he had started smoking again. Something I had helped him to quit before, which was very hard because Yoongi does whatever the fuck he wants, but that's what I love about him.

Don't look at me like that, I know it's fucked up for me to love my best friends husband, trust me I know, I beat myself up enough for it, but it's life, I can't help it. After going to him that night, one thing led to another, and before you know it, we started having an affair, and then because both of us were stupid, I ended up pregnant, which brings me to my current state."

Jin's eyes were wide looking at me, and he didn't say anything, he only stated silent looking at me with a blank stare, very similar to Taehyung.

"I know, I have a fucked up life right now, but it's fine, I am sure something will work out, at least that's what I try telling myself, but it's hard to have hope in this situation. Sorry to burst this all on you so suddenly, I just felt I should explain why I want to rest here. This used to be a quiet room; I used to chill here before you and Taehyung got married, I didn't know he turned it into this. Anyway, we can share this room, if you don't mind, can you lay with me just for an hour, I promise I will stop talking. I just don't feel like being alone right now. I know I am invading your personal space, and we don't have much of a relationship, but I won't bother you while laying here."

I looked at Jin hopeful, but he wasn't budging, he was tough to get through too. As I was about to start talking again, he lets out a frustrating sigh, "Fine, but only because you are pregnant. I will call Taehyung and ask him to help me to the bedroom."

"Wait, no, please don't leave me here, I don't want to be alone."

Jin glared at me, clearly annoyed, "you know you are not the only one having a bad day right now, I don't have the energy to be there or help you through whatever t.v. drama you've got going on."

I pressed my lips together, trying not to laugh; it's not like he was wrong; I was living my life like a soap opera. I wonder how much I could make for the script, if I wanted to sell it to a producer, maybe Taehyung knew someone.

"You are having a bad day too? Damn, life sucks don't. Listen, how about we just lay down and relax. I will be quiet, and I won't annoy you, just don't leave me here by myself." I fluffed the pillow and fixed my head.

Jin looked at me and sigh; then, he surprises me by fluffing his pillow too and laid his head down, turning his back to me. Taehyung had his hands full, serves him right for all the times he messed with me.

I waited for a while, and then I wrapped my arms around his waist, Jin raises his head immediately, "Don't push me, I am pregnant, remember. I just like cuddling." I told him as he looked at me with a tired expression.

I knew I was being too much, but I also knew what I was doing. I could relate to how he must be feeling right now or has felt his entire life. I am doing for him what I wished someone had done for me.

People often think you want to talk when you are going through your pain, but sometimes that's not what you want, sometimes you just want someone who is just there to remind you that you are not alone.

Taehyung had done that for me, within his limits, we were younger, he didn't fully understand, and I think people generally think some things you should bounce back from after a good cry, a couple of months or even a year, but it doesn't work that way.

Pain like this is only a hidden wound that often gets open back up by the simplest of things. It's an ache that doesn't go away by medicine, it doesn't go away with love, and anything that makes you think you are healed from it is only temporary because it only takes one thing to reopen that wound and remind you that you were never healed.

The only thing that helps you deal with it is the acceptance that it did happen and your proclamation that you will not allow your future to be destroyed because of it.

This only makes things harder because most of us don't want to accept that there was a point in our life that we were exposed, helpless, wounded, and taken advantage of. Therefore we live our lives in what I like to think of as bitter denial.

We say we are good, but we are never really good, because when everyone's gone, and it's just us by ourselves in the darkest corners of our room, and we come to face to face with our past we become even more afraid than we were when it happened to us.