20cm ๑ SOOGYU ✔️

๑ 11 ๑

I looked up at the plain white ceiling of my bedroom.

Body numb.

Feeling dumb.

Not knowing what I had become.

Taehyun was crying.

He never cried.

He was screaming crying.

Screaming at me.

Angry.

Angry that I did that to Kai.

That I didn't do anything when he was having an attack.

An asthma attack.

Cough-variant.

I tried to explain to him that I was frozen.

But he didn't want any of it.

He just told me to leave.

Leave the hospital.

Because it got so bad that an ambulance had to be called.

The doctors said if they were one second later.

Then he would've passed out.

That it could've been fatal.

Maybe if I had stayed calm.

None of this would've happened.

And Kai wouldn't hate me more than he already does.

And Taehyun wouldn't have screamed at me the way that he did.

And Yeonjun wouldn't have stated how disappointed he was in me.

And you wouldn't have looked at me with teary eyes.

Teary eyes that showed the slightest bit of anger.

But showed more hurt.

You were hurt by me.

And that was the worst feeling in the world.

I always say that I feel like nothing.

But now I really knew how it felt to feel nothing.

๑ To be n o t h i n g. ๑