in between all things

Chapter Thirty-Six

It's three am and I'm on my fifth cup of coffee. Oh my good lord, I feel spacey.

Why didn't anyone tell me that university was hard? Drew was suppose to be the successful one in our family, not the other way around.

I felt my face frown at Drew's name. I missed him so much that it was hard to bare sometimes. He was my bestfriend and Jace's partner in crime.

I could just imagine Drew's face if he saw Jace right now. I knew he'd try to help until he had nothing left in him. Why couldn't I help Jace like Drew would?

Suddenly I heard the front door burst open and in came in Jace. White faced, far from sober Jace. He glanced up at me and I swear he looked so broken.

I wanted to comfort him but my feet were stuck in place. Jace and I stared at each other for a while, both of us unsure of what to do. Finally Jace huffed and stumbled over to me, his hands out as if he wanted me to hold him, or maybe stop him from falling on his face? I couldn't be sure.

"I love you." Jace murmured before collapsing onto the couch. I don't think that I'd ever seen him look so pale and for some reason his hair looked even blacker than usual.

"Back atcha hon." I muttered, throwing a blanket on top of him. I sighed and pulled my phone out of my pocket, dialing Damo's number, not caring that it was about the time of the morning that he'd be getting ready to sleep.

After three rings he picked up with a groan. "Ashy?"

"I'm not 17 anymore, it's Ash not Ashy." I said a little too harshly. I knew that Damo was probably encouraging Jace to drink, because Damo will always be a party animal.

"Okay, okay. Calm your farm mate."

"I don't have a farm. Anyways I wanted to talk to you about Jace. I know you were with him tonight."

Damo sighed through the phone and yawned. "Yeah, we went out with Trey, don't stress bro."

"He can't even stand properly Damo!"

"I'm going to go to sleep. Call me tomorrow when you're calm down. Maybe tomorrow night when I'm not hungover."

As I was about to protest Damo hung up on me and I threw my phone across the room in a rage. I turned back to Jace and sighed. I couldn't help him.

I was petrified that Jace will lose everything. He's on very thin ice with his scholarship and our relationship feels like it's growing cold. I've already lost Drew, I can't lose Jace too.

"I'm sorry Drew." I muttered, because I really was sorry. I made a promise that I'll live for him but right now I'm not living at all.

I'll never be Drew; I can't save people or fix things.

~~~

I wrapped my hands around the kettle as it boiled, feeling it's warmth giving me goosebumps.

It had been a long night. I was currently surviving on a couple hours of sleep and I had work in approximately half an hour. The only good thing was that I started Uni today at 12pm instead of 9am.

"More coffee?" Jace asked, walking towards me sleepily.

I nodded. "More coffee."

Jace smiled softly and chuckled. I smiled back slightly, trying to push back my feelings of unease. It was like after a bad night we just pretended nothing ever happened.

I felt like a mess. Everything feels so messy. Usually I find it helpful to remind myself that every human being is a mess on the inside, but today I feel like more of a basket case than usual, especially with Jace home this morning.

"How'd you sleep?" I asked.

Jace shook his head. "I have a hangover."

"Well no shit Sherlock, what do you think all that drinking would do?"

Jace bit his lip and looked away. He looked sorry, I knew he was sorry. He's not a bad guy when he's not drunk.

But that doesn't excuse his behavior.

Once the kettle was ready I poured my coffee into a travel mug and walked straight by Jace.

This was going to be a long day