Since Childhood

7: Moving On?

With tears in my eyes, I run straight to the nearest comfort room. I never felt so hurt, so broke. I want to understand them. Okay, let’s say they are in love in each other. Pero bakit kailangan nilang itago? The three of us were friends. It’s always been the “three” of us. Now, I doubt it. Was it really three? Or it just the two of them? I feel stabbed at the back. I feel so lonely and outcast.

Sobrang sakit na makikita ko yung ganon. Yung may sarili silang plano, may sarili silang mundo. And on that plan and on that world, I was excluded. I am not belong.

I cried silently. Sobs are escaping my mouth. That is the only thing that I cannot hold back. The sound of the pain that I’m going through.

Umiyak lang ako 'don habang nakaupo sa saradong toilet bowl.

This won’t work. I should have seen it before. I should have... stop my growing feeling since the moment I came aware about it. I should have! Pero bakit? Bakit hindi ko nakontrol? Bakit hindi ko itinanim sa sarili ko yung katotohanang I’m just a little sister to Timothy. Nothing else.

I pity myself. I don’t know for how long but my mind was thinking of only one thing. I will cry tonight, but I will go back to that party out there. After leaving this comfort room, I will forget my special feelings for him. I will comply myself to what mom have advised. I will entertain guys, I will have fun. Hindi ko na ikukulong yung sarili ko sa one sided love na 'to. Because it is clear. It will remain unrequited love forever.

When I come out from the cubicle, a girl was standing in front of the mirror retouching her make-up. She was shocked when she saw how I look like. Inisip nya siguro na multo ako or some demonic creature because of my face.

“C-can I borrow your m-makeup?” I feel so embarrassed right now for asking to borrow her kit.

“Y-yeah, sure.” She replied. “I-I won’t ask if you are just fine, pero if you need help, I can offer my hand.”

She is nice enough to say those words. Help is the thing that I needed the most at this very moment.

“I just received my first heartbreak tonight. Can you help me?” The girl look at me with sympathy.

“Oh dear, you must be in so much pain.” She said sadly. But then, she cheered up. “Welcome to the club! How can I help you?”

“With my makeup... please?” With the way she smile, I already knew she’ll help me out.

She fixed my makeup and we were talking the whole time. Her name is Fatima. Wonderful name for a kind person like her.

Nang matapos nyang mas mapaganda ang ayos ko ay bumalik kami na magkasama sa party. She is senior high just like me.

The music in the party is already rock. Everyone is jumping and dancing crazily. Very different from the sweet dance earlier.

Fatima introduces me to her classmates and friends. Dahil mainit ang pagtanggap nila sa akin ay doon na ako nagstay at nakijam. I was trying to pull Tim and Amanda out of my head kaya I did my best to keep a conversation with Fatima’s friends. Fatima have a guy friend na walang date tonight. Because both of us have no dates, Fatima initiated the match making. Pinipilit nya yung guy na maging partner ko.

At first, the guy was shy, he said if I don’t want to, he will not be my date. Determined to distract myself, I agreed to Fatima na maging date kami. Ngayong gabi lang naman e.

His name is August. Yeah. Like the month of August. His name is so amazing that it totally occupied my head. Pinanganak si August at that month kaya yun ang pinangalan sa kanya ng parents nya. We exchanged names, we asked each other’s section, interests, favorites and other things.