Since Childhood

13: Accused

Nagkikita naman kami ni Tim, katunayan nga ay partner pa kami noong kasal ni kuya Noah at ate Melanie pero hindi talaga mawala-wala yung pagka-ilang ko pagmalapit sya. I cannot make myself comfortable. Mukha lang akong normal sa labas but everytime he's around, para na naman akong nababaliw.

Now, I feel like I was trapped. Sitting next to him as he drive, the memories from the past continued flashing back on their own. Naalala ko nanaman yung gabi na yon. His lips on my skin, on my lips, his body touching mine, the sweetness of the darkness. I squeezed my eyes shut para pigilan ang mga alaala na pilit na bumabalik sa isip ko.

"Are you okay?" He asked dahil malamang ay nakita nya ang weird actions ko.

"Y-yeah."

I look at him briefly tapos ay tumingin na ako sa malayo dahil hindi ko kaya na titigan sya ng matagal. This is so frustrating!

"Tim, idaan mo muna ako sa bahay ng tita Alma mo bago mo ihatid si Rhein."

Tita Alma was tito Joe's younger sister although she ain't young anymore. We've met before.

Ayoko na maiwan mag-isa kasama si Tim. Ngayon pa nga lang na tatlo kami sa sasakyan ay nababaliw na ako, what more if it was just him and me? That's so dangerous in my part.

"Actually, tito, I need to go somewhere else. Please stop the car." I look at tito Joe but never to Tim.

"Really? I can give you a ride, you really want to be off here? Malapit naman na ang bahay ni tita Alma." Tim asked. I gulp hard. As much as possible ay ayaw ko na nag-uusap kami. I'm afraid thay my own voice might chopped.

"I'm fine here." I insisted.

Huminto si Tim sa tabi. And before I left the car, nagpaalam muna ako kay Tito. Just to tito. When I'm already standing at the sidewalk, his car accelerated away. Pinanood ko ang pagkawala ng sasakyan nya sa kalsada. I was stiffed. I'm feeling multiple emotions at this very moment.

I grabbed my phone at my pant's pocket and dialed Fatima's number. Since the moment we met at Prom Night, nang tulungan nya ako in many ways, she become my best friend. That instant and we both know that our friendship is going to last for eternity.

Nagkita kami ni Fatima sa isang coffee shop. Dala-dala nya ang two years old baby girl nya. That was her second child since nagpakasal sya 5 years ago, when she's 26. She's a full-time mom and wife, nakakapanghinayang nga dahil she have a bachelor's degree but she didn't pursue her career for her family. She's brave. Kung ako sya, I will not give up my career.

We asked for a baby's chair para naman makagalaw kami ng maayos. We ordered two creamy cold coffee and one sweet for her baby.

"What's up, Daniela?"

Bumuntong hininga ako. "I saw Tim earlier."

Fatima rolled her eyes. "So what? Affected ka pa rin? Uso ang move on, Rhein! Stop that one-sided love." Naiirita nyang litanya.

"It's not easy you know."

"Why? Because both of you already slept together? Ni hindi nga nya alam na ikaw yun eh!" My eyes went real wide dahil walang preno ang bibig nya.

"Fatima!"

"I'm sorry." She uttered. "Pero kasi, Rhein, ilang taon na? Halos what? 13 or 14 years na! Hindi ka ba napapagod?"

It's not just 13 or 14 years. It's been two decades. Hindi kasi alam ni Fatima na bata pa lang ako ay may gusto na ako kay Tim. Ang alam nyang umpisa ng one-sided love ko is nung fourth year high school.

"Anyway, may balita ka ba kay August?"

Fatima shake her head.

"Wala nga eh. Ilang taon na din syang hindi nagpaparamdam. I don't know whether I should be mad or worried."

I look down immediately. I took part kung bakit lumayo si August. When we broke up, hindi ko na sya ulit nakita. Not even have a conversation in phone. Naputol ang connection namin and his friends.

To change the subject of the conversation, Fatima asked me, "ikaw, Daniela? You're already 30. Kailan mo balak mag-asawa? You're an obgyne. You are very aware that as you grow old, having a baby becomes difficult."

"Hindi ko alam. Maybe if I found the right guy?"

Muling inirolyo ni Fatima ang mata nya. "Hindi mo mahahanap yon kung puro Tim yang laman ng utak, bibig at puso mo. Alam mo, tutulungan kita. There's so many ways. Andaming dating app ngayon, or we could go to club para maghanap."

"It won't work." I sighed.

"It will. Wag mo kasing kontrahin. Ako na ang maghahanap, just wait for my text kung saan mo kikitain yung date mo. I know your type of guy. Trust me. It'll work."

Hindi na ako kumontra pa. Who knows. Baka nga gumana na yon this time.

*                *                 *

I read Fatima's text message for the third time. She said I just have to go to the address of the restaurant indicated at her message content tonight at 6:30 p.m.

It's already 5:00 o'clock kaya nagumpisa na akong maggayak. This is my chance. Hindi ko na to magagawa often lalo pa't natanggap na ako sa hospital. While I haven't started my job, I think it's just right to have fun. Yun ay kung magiging masaya nga itong plano na to ni Fatima.

Tonight was my first date and it turns out impossible. Gwapo naman si Ivo kaso mayabang, kesyo he's a lawyer at napanalo na nya ang madaming kaso. Puno ng hangin ang ulo nya and our date was all about him. My second date was Diego. Again, gwapo. But he's so gentle. Mahinhin na parang bakla at mejo malambot. At the end of our date, inamin nya na he's not straight. That he only did this blind date because his brother set this up and excited ang family nya about how this date will turn out. Para pagtakpan yung totoong sya. I pity him. He can't show who he really is freely.

The third guy was Drake, gwapo, matalino, gentleman, manly, with a sense of humor, he's a good listener, he's comfortable to be with. His career is in photography and videography. May sarili na nga syang studio and he have his own clients.

We were talking with each other at a classic restaurant habang kumakain nang biglang may isang babae na lumapit. She's so angry and she's freaking out. Nagulat na lang ako when she attacked me. Accusing me of infidelity and adultery. The woman grabbed me by my hair, then she pulled it hard. Sa sobrang gulat ko ay hindi na ako naka react. She even tear my dress around my chest. She call me in different names.

Malandi. Kabit. Slut. Salot. Walang hiya. Pumapatol sa lalaking may asawa na.

Nagtinginan ang buong tao sa restaurant as she attack me while crying. Iyak sya ng iyak habang pinipigilan sya ni Drake.

"Amanda stop!!" Napatingala ako dahil sa pangalan na binanggit ni Drake. It was not Amanda from before. It was a different person with the same name. How ironic.

Lumapit na ang mga staff ng restaurant and they tried to calm the woman down.

Holding my dress tight, covering my skin, I stand up.

"R-Rhein?" Nagulat ako because someone recognized me.

I turn around and saw Tim, he is with a woman. Out of embarrassment, tumalikod ako sa kaniya.

"I'm so sorry, Daniela. I'm truly—" before Drake could finish what he got to say, sinampal ko sya ng sobrang lakas.

Then I started running away.

I heard the staffs gasps and gossip nang makalabas na ako. I look back briefly and saw that Timothy is punching Drake while he's at the top.

Crying, I picked my phone and called for Grab taxi. Of all time, ngayon pa ako ‘di nagdala ng sasakyan.

I was trembling habang tinatype ang message ko sa Grab driver. Bago pa ako makapag send, someone swipe me off my feet.

Tim lifted me bridal style.

"I'll bring you home." He said while his jaw is clenching.