Since Childhood

38: Desire to become a Father

Ipinagpatuloy ng buong pamilya ang celebration nila sa bahay ng mga magulang na sina Divina. All the boys are on the yard, grilling a pork and chicken meat, too busy barbecuing. Noah and Timothy are in charge in grilling, ang mag amang Nicholas at Davien naman ang nagtutuhog ng mga karne na iihawin.

While their husbands are busy, the girls are setting up a tent katulong ang mga bata. The weather condition is good kaya napagdesisyonan nila na mag tent. They were able to put up four tents. Tig-iisa silang mga magaasawa.

Matapos nilang maitayo ang tent, magkatulong sina Avah at Melanie sa paglalatag ng carpet sa damo. Melanie's youngest boy is asleep kaya naman kahit papaano ay nakakagalaw sya at nakakatulong. Angelette and Zaiden are playing hide-and-seek. Hinayaan na lang nila ang dalawa kesa naman makigulo pa sila sa mga tatay nila.

Divina went inside the house. Kukuha sya ng mga unan na gagamitin nila. Daniela went with her mom. Pumunta sila sa dating kwarto nilang magkapatid. They go back to the yard para ihatid ang mga unan. The next thing na kukuhain nila ay mga kumot.

While Daniela and Divina are in her old room, Daniela spoke. She wanted her mom to know her condition. Sa panahon kasi na kagaya nito ay ang ina nya lang ang pwede nyang kapitan.

"Ma, may sasabihin ako."

Napahinto si Divina sa paghila ng kumot. Slowly, she stand up straight facing her daughter.

"Ano yon, nak?" Divina noticed her daughter's mood. Actually ay kanina pa nya napapansin na matamlay si Daniela pero hindi na nya pinansin.

"Earlier, I went to visit a reproductive endocrinologist..." Bahagyang nanlaki ang mata ni Divina.

She can see how her daughter held back the threatening tears.

"A-and...?" Divina asked nervously.

"I... I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome." When Daniela mention her condition, tumulo na ang luha nya. Luha na kanina pa nya pinipigilan.

"Ano daw yun? Is it serious?" Bakas sa boses ni Divina ang kaba para sa kalagayan ng anak.

"Hindi na ata ako magkakaanak, ma." Daniela cried even louder. "Mama! Anong gagawin ko, ma? I want to bear my own child. Gusto ko bumuo ng sariling pamilya, ma. Paano ko na gagawin ngayon yun? Mama, bakit ako? What should I do, ma? Hindi ko na alam." Mabilis na pumula ang ilong at mga mata ni Daniela dahil sa pagiyak. Ang lalong ikinatatakot ni Daniela ay ang posibilidad na iwan sya ni Timothy.

"Calm down, anak. Hindi ka dapat panghinaan ng loob. Crying won't help you treat your condition. Besides, siguradong may gamot jaan." Divina imprisoned her daughter in her arms. She hugged Daniela tight and she rub her back. Para kahit sa ganong paraan ay mabawasan ang sakit na iniinda ng anak.

"What if hindi umepekto yung therapy? Hindi ko na ba mararanasan maging nanay?"

"You're a doctor, Daniela Rhein. You are a strong woman, you can handle this. You will overcome it all." Divina encourage her daughter although she herself is feeling bad for Daniela's situation. "Alam na ba ng asawa mo?"

Still in her mom's arms, Daniela shook her head.

"You should tell him. Makakatulong si Timothy sa ‘yo, anak. And he has the right to know."

"I can't ma. Hindi pa ako handa na sabihin." Daniela's voice is chopped, but still, understandable.

"Daniela, look at me." Divina loosened her embrace then she steady her daughter in front of her. Divina look into Daniela's swollen eyes. "You need to be strong, anak. As long as there is a way to treat your condition, huwag kang panghinaan ng loob. If you aren't ready yet to tell your husband the truth, it's okay. Let's keep it secret for the mean time. Pero dapat ipaalam mo parin sa asawa mo. Okay?"

"Okay..." Daniela whispered.

"Alright, dry your tears. Baka hinahanap na tayo sa baba."

Divina waited for her daughter to calm down and then they both headed back to the yard. Matapos mag ihaw ng mga lalaki, ang padre de pamilyang si Nicholas ay nagyaya nang inumam kasama ang dalawang anak na lalaki at son-in-law na si Timothy.

Ang mga kababaihan naman ay nagkuwentuhan na lang sa tapat ng bonfire na nasa ihawan. Dahil iilang bwan palang ang tanda ni Zayn, ang bunso ni Zaiden, mas maaga na pumasok si Melanie sa tent nila. She slept beside her two boys. When Angelette tell her mom na inaantok na sya, Avah joined her daughter.

"Go to sleep, Daniela. Don't think about it. Don't stress yourself, baka lalo mong ikasama yan." Paalala ni Divina sa anak bago sya pumasok sa sariling tent at nagpahinga.

Daniela stayed a little longer in front of the bonfire. Matapos magpainit sa tapat ng apoy ay pumasok na din sya sa tent nilang magasawa.

Nakatagilid si Daniela. Her right arm is underneath her pillow. She uses it to support her head and to make the pillow feel more filled.

Rinig na rinig pa ni Daniela ang tawanan at kuwentuhan ng mga lalaki habang nagiinuman. She can hear her husband's voice. It sound so natural, happy and carefree. How she wish she could laugh like that.

Tulala lang sya. At habang tulala sya, tumutulo yung luha nya. She's having difficulty in breathing too dahil bumabara ang ilong nya.

There are millions of woman in entire world. Sa milyon milyon na yon, she asked God, why me? Bakit ako pa ang nagkaganto? Bakit kung sino pa yung gustong gusto magka anak, bakit sya pa ang hindi mabuntis? Why me who have enough money to support my children if I happen to have even one?

Her thoughts brought her into different dimension. Bumalik lang ang consciousness ni Daniela ng marinig nya ang zipper ng tent na bumukas. She wipped her tears dry before sitting up. Although may isang dipa pa silang gap from each other, she could still smell the strong scent of alcohol. Timothy is still sober. Hindi naman siya nagpaka lango sa alak unlike his in-laws.

"Tapos na kayo?" Daniela asked as soon as she got up.

"Yeah. Bakit gising ka pa? It's past midnight." He look at his phone to check the time.

Nang tuluyang makapasok sa tent, he zipped it close.

"You don't look okay, Rhein. May problema ba?" Agad na napansin ni Timothy ang pamumula ng mata, ilong at pisngi ng asawa.

"I'm okay. Just... just tired."

"Come here, let's sleep."

Timothy pulled her close to him. Nang mayakap na ang asawa ay humiga silang pareho. His eyes are shut close, nakatingala naman si Daniela sa asawa.

"I'm so happy for Davien." Tim muttered habang nakapikit parin ang mata. "You should have seen how he look like while mentioning his upcoming baby. He is so happy."

"Uhmmn." Ungol lang ang naging sagot ni Rhein.

A minute passed. Walang nagsasalita, walang gumagalaw. After that silence, Timothy speak again.

"I envy him." His voice does have a trace of jealousy.

"Why?" Patay malisya na tanong ni Daniela.

"At his age, he's already a father. He have heavier reason to strive hard. He go home na may anak na sumasalubong sa kanya. I want to have kids too. I didn't knew I would wish for children like how I wish for that blessing right now."

Again, her only reply is mere moan.

"I want to have kids, Rhein. Are you okay with that? Gusto ko na ikaw ang nanay ng mga anak ko."

Daniela tear up.

"Okay. We will have children of our own soon. Matulog na tayo." Daniela said. Isiniksik nya ang ulo nya sa dibdib ng asawa.

Timothy drift to sleep while Daniela forced herself to relax. Desedido na din sya na umpisahan ang therapy bukas na bukas din.

They will become parents. They has to be.