Since Childhood

23: Surprising Event

[Daniela's Point of View]

When Tim passed out, I brought him to a vacant room and applied a first aid medication. Nilinis ko ang mga dugo nya, ang mga sugat na natamo nya dahil sa bangayan nila ni kuya Davien.

Speaking of... I needed to talk to him. Naghihintay sya sa baba, sa living room.

This night felt so long. Kanina ko pa hinihiling na sana mag umaga na. And I'd been wishing that hopefully, the problems will vanish together with the darkness of the night.

Lalong gumulo ang lahat. It would be more bearable and I can still control the situation if kuya Davien didn't found out. Ngayon ay mukhang malabo na. Kinakabahan ako. I don't want to leave this room. I just wanna stay where Tim is and never face kuya again. Papaano ko pa sya haharapi after knowing what have happened to me in the past?

Pero kahit na pinanghihinaan ako ng loob, hindi ko pwedeng takasan ito. I need to talk to kuya Davien. I need to settle this tonight. If I failed, hindi ko na alam ang posibleng mangyari. It's either chaos or dilemma. Walang safe na option. Lahat ng maaaring resulta ay ikakasama lang ng lahat. Especially between our families.

Tim's eyes are closed. His breathing has comeback to regular pace. I envy him. Naiinggit ako dahil he is no longer aware of the situation. He is already at hos temporary peace. Sana nahimatay na lang din ako. Sana nawalan na lang din ako ng malay para matakasan ko ang problema kahit na saglit lang.

"Kung parehas lang sana tayo ng nararamdaman, Tim... Everything will be settle without hatred." I mumbled while staring at his wounded face.

Tumingala ako at mabilis na kinurap-kurap ang mata para pigilan ang pagtulo ng luha ko. I wipe the dried tears in my face and then I composed myself.

I stands up. With one last glance to Tim, I closed the door before me and I headed down to the living room.

Naabutan ko si kuya Davien na nakatayo. He is looking through the glass window, it seems that his focus was on something else dahil mukhang hindi nya napansin ang pagdating ko.

I pull myself together before calling his attention.

"Kuya."

He didn't move. Not a single gesture. Hindi din sya humarap. But he did speak.

"Whatever your feelings for Tim, forget it." He says dryly.

Napamaang ako sa sinabi nya. I blinked one, twice, I can't believe yon pa ang unang sasabihin ni kuya.

"Hindi ganon kadali yon, kuya." I replied. I'm holding back the urge to raise my voice.

"You are smart, Daniela. You know that's the best for all."

"That's right." I then made a sarcastic laugh. "Tama ka, kuya. I'm smart. Matalino ako. And I highly believe that it's enough reason to leave all the decisions to me. Alone." I made an emphasis to the last word.

Halos isang minutong katahimikan ang namagitan sa amin ni kuya. After that silence, he turns around.

I gulp as soon as he moved. I would rather prefer to talk to him ng hindi nakikita ang mukha.

"Matulog ka na, Daniela. We are going to talk about it pagdating ni mama."

Nanlaki ang mata ko ng sabihin ni kuya na ipapaalam nya kay mama ang nangyari. Automatic na nagkuyom ang mga kamay ko. Ginagawa na naman nila. Nakikialam na naman sila sa buhay ko. Sa mga personal kong problema na dapat ako lang ang nagaayos.

"Kuya..." I struggle to speak straight because I wanted to cry. "Kuya, ilang taon na ba ako sa mata mo? Am I the same minor girl who needed guidance? Kuya, trenta na ako. Kayang kaya ko na mag decide on my own. Bakit ba pilit kayong nakikialam? This time, kahit ngayon lang, hayaan nyo naman na ako na lang yung maghanap ng paraan para maayos to."

"Daniela, kilala ko si Tim buong buhay ko. He never take woman seriously. He only consider them as a toy, someone who are pleasure provider. Buong buhay ko sinusubukan kita na protektahan from such man pero kaibigan ko pa pala talaga yung trumaydor sa akin. And you, of all people, you kept that from me and from everyone for so damn long!" May ibinato si kuya na hindi ko mawari kung ano. That made a crushing sound which makes me jerk out. After such a harsh move, bigla syang sumigaw ng sobrang lakas. Napatalon ulit ako dahil sa gulat.

Tears have started escaping my eyes. I made him so angry. I made him so disappointed. Is that greediness? All my life I comply to what they want me to be kaya masama ba na kahit ngayon lang ay suwayin ko sila?

"Kuya... You know how it feels like when you are in love with a person who seems impossible to have. Napagdaanan mo tong sakit na to, sana naman maintindihan mo ako." I cried to him.

I really want to have a full control on my life kaya lumuhod ako sa harap ni kuya. If ineeded to beg, then I would. Ibigay lang nya yung karapatan ko na kontrolin tong sarili kong buhay, I am willing to go on my knees. Ganon ako kadesperada.

Kuya Davien was taken aback when he saw me on my knees.

"Please, kuya. Let me handle this." I beg as I brush my palm together.

"Daniela, wake up. He is a different Timothy now. Hindi na sya yung Timothy on the past who genuinely care for you. Tim already lost consciousness before you push me off. Hindi nya narinig ang sinabi mong you love him. We can just pretend that you never said that. He will never know."

Dahil nagmamatigas si kuya, lalo kong diniin ang pagkiskis ng palad ko.

"Hayaan mo na ako kuya. Wag mo nang ipaalam kay mama. Ako na ang bahala. I will fix everything. I will bring back the same old Tim. He care for me kuya. Hanggang ngayon, he still care for me. Baka nga hindi na kagaya ng dati pero ang mahalaga ay mahalaga parin ako sa kanya. So please, kuya. Ako na muna. Ako na ang bahala."

Kuya Davien groaned. Naiipit sya sa problema ko. Nasasaktan sya dahil sa ginagawa ko. Pero kung hindi ko gagawin to, I will never find the happiness that I'd been longing for. I'm doing this for myself. Gusto kong maging madamot... kahit ngayon lang.

"Wag na wag kang lalapit sakin na umiiyak, Daniela. Kapag nalaman kong sinaktan ka ni Tim, I will forget that he used to be a brother to me."

After that reminder from kuya, lumabas sya ng bahay. Habang ako, napaupo ako sa sahig.

I don't know where to start. Hindi ko alam kung papaano ko sisimulang ayusin ang gusot na to. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung maaayos pa to.

I don't know if I can do anything for everyone's betterment. I don't know...

Sitting on the floor, I cried my heart out. I'm scared. Natatakot ako sa mga pwedeng mangyari bukas at sa mga susunod pang araw.

* * *

Ilang araw na ang lumipas but I haven't recover from my problem. Even the doctors, nurses and the patients in the hospital noticed that I've changed. They said from bright and cheerful woman I've transformed into dull and cold person.

A week after the incident, wala pa akong nagagawa to solve my own problem. Hindi pa kami naguusap ni Tim, let alone see each other.

Friday night, I arrived home. I'm so drained, physically, mentally and emotionally.

Pagkapasok ko ng bahay, laking gulat ko ng maabutan ko sina papa, mama, si kuya Vien, kuya Noah, tito Joe at si Tim na nasa sala.

Akala ko seeing all of them in one place was the moat shocking part of my day. May mas nakakagulat pa pala.

It was mom who said they are discussing the upcoming marriage between Tim and I.

Natulala na lang ako sa sinabi ni mama.