Sanscest One-shots (no lemons) (Requests Closed)

Love & Loss

Cross's POV

I remember it. I remember Ink telling me that I'm either with him or against him, and me being too scared to stand up for myself. I remember Killer trying to take his life multiple times, and I couldn't understand why he would try to rip apart the happy family I had created. I remember being taken in by Dream at first, and I was grateful. I remember him leaving me to be with Blue. And now, I'm scared I'm going to lose Error.

Guess I'd better start at the beginning. I was scared and alone, lost everything I thought I knew. I was stuck in a new place with no way back, I just wanted to go home. Dream had pity on me that day and took me in. I followed him around like an obedient dog, just happy to have anybody who cared about me. He was great, we played and laughed and I finally felt like someone treated me like an equal. He was a leader and I was happy to follow, but things changed after a while.

Blue had always been part of my life since Dream took me in but then Dream started hanging out with him more and more and just ignored me. He didn't mean any harm but it hurt me. I didn't realize it at first but I had a crush on Dream. I didn't realize it until a long time later.

I was jealous of Blue and Dream's relationship. I felt Blue was kicking me out but he was nice to me so I didn't say anything. I left, I told them I would leave, hoping for some affection from Dream but neither of them expressed any sympathy.

After that I joined Nightmare's group. I wasn't really close with them except for Killer. I saw him as an older brother.

 I didn't know about his depression. He seemed alright, tried to smile, tried to help me with everything. I couldn't hear Nightmare yelling at him. I didn't know how much he was hurting. One day, I got back from a mission and he had run away. Someone found him but wouldn't let us take him home until we talked to them. I was afraid of them, I should have been afraid of Nightmare or what Killer would do, but I thought the worst was behind us.

Another time, Killer had 'accidentally' taken too many pills. Thankfully, Killer's boyfriend, Outer called Nightmare and he took Killer to a hospital. I owe Outer a lot. They aren't dating anymore but they're still good friends. I trust that he and their other friend, Haven will make sure Killer doesn't go off the deep end again.

I hated Killer for a while after the suicide attempts. I was scared that anything I would say would cause him to go into a depressive state. I couldn't understand why anything would be bad enough to want to die. His death would have torn my family apart. I hated him for almost making us have to bury him. He wasn't upfront about his issues to me until a while after this.

I started having my own issues and I felt so hopeless and alone and like nobody loved me. Killer went behind Nightmare's back to help me. He's going to leave soon, to be with Outer and Haven, I wish him luck. It'll be up to me to help Dust. He's starting to show signs of depression too. I plan on helping him until he's ready and then, the first chance I get, I'm running away from that hell-hole. 

I won't kill myself, I remember how I felt when Killer's depression was really bad and I won't put anyone through the consequences and grief of my actions.

I stopped being around Nightmare's group so much after Killer decided he would run. I started being out more and that's when I met Ink. He seemed nice enough at first. A lot of people warned me that he was trouble, but he was the only one who took me in and let me be his friend. I just didn't want to be alone.

He was fine, we got along, we talked a lot. It seemed normal. The only thing was that he couldn't be wrong. No matter how right anyone else was, you were wrong in his eyes because it wasn't his opinion. I should have taken that as a hint and stopped being around him, but I didn't.

It only got worse from there. Ink started saying that he was depressed and for a while, I believed him. I tried to tip-toe around his anger and do whatever he wanted. Once, I started doing that, Ink believed he could get away with anything. If I ever disagreed with him no matter how small and trivial of a thing it was about, he'd say I'm a terrible person and that he has a knife, and he's going to kill himself and it would be my fault. He used my fear of losing anyone against me to manipulate me into doing anything he wanted. It was then I realized he was only faking for attention. He wanted sympathy, and for people to bow to his will. By then, I wouldn't leave. I thought he would tell my secrets to everyone.

During this time, I met Error. We're very alike. The main difference between us is that I'm shyer around people. Being with him has really helped my confidence. After being friends for a while, I realized that I had a crush on him. And after a few more bouts of trying not to have a mental breakdown, I confessed my feelings and we started dating. It is the best thing to ever happen to me. I love him so much.

A little bit before we started dating, I had talked to Error about how Ink treated me and he suggested that I stop being friends with him. Error gave me enough confidence to tell Ink to leave me alone. For a while, everything was great. I was happy in my new relationship, I was finally getting over everything Ink put me through, I reconnected with Dream and we're friends again, I love Error way more than I ever loved him, and my sibling bond with Killer was stronger than ever.

As I've learned, I can't be happy for long. Ink started acting like we're best friends again. He comes up and randomly pats my head or put a hand on my shoulder, it makes me feel terrified. I don't want to be sucked back into that.

I've been thinking too much, I know that everyone I care about has hurt me and left me, or will leave me. That's why I'm scared. Error is too many things to me and if I lose him too, I'm going to break, and I might not be able to pull myself together one more time. I'm scared I'm going to be alone again.

I don't want to be hurt anymore. 

 --------------------------

See ya, imaginary people.