Hey, so, it's late for me, but I felt the need to stay up writing this. My brain won't let me sleep until I write this.
As you guys have probably noticed, I use suicide as a plot, a lot. I'm not encouraging it, I'm not saying anyone who does commit suicide is weak or stupid or anything like that. What they are is hurt.
I write about suicide because it is a real issue. It has affected people, it affected me. It changed my life forever and thankfully no one actually died that I was close to. I was lucky, I didn't have to go through that pain and heartbreak. But I did go through anger and confusion, but this isn't about me.
123 people commit suicide every day. That's a big number. That's 123 real people. That's 123 families who have to mourn and will never get over their death. That's thousands of friends who will miss them every day. That's a few hundred people who will try to commit suicide because they feel that whoever's death was their fault. That's so many people, who will be left wondering what they did wrong. They'll spend days crying wondering if they could have saved them. All of this because of suicide.
Commit is a big word. Not in the traditional sense but it sounds final and scary, and it's the right word. The definition of commit is:
1) carry out or perpetrate (a mistake, crime, or immoral act).
2) pledge or bind (a person or an organization) to a certain course or policy.
That sounds so final and scary and it's not hard to see why we use it. People think they can make it sound more bearable by changing the wording like 'they died by suicide' but we should not soften the blow. It should feel like a hard punch to the gut, they committed suicide. It is a big life-changing thing, it is not something to beat around the bush about or try to cover up.
People are often suicidal because of things they can't control. Some people will tell you that you can't control it so don't worry about it. That's the whole thing, you can't control it. You feel so trapped and scared because you are riding the mechanical bull and praying that it doesn't throw you off and you can't control it. You don't know when it will end, if it will ever end.
No matter what people say, it's not your fault. You don't want to wake up every morning thinking everyone hates you and that they would be better off if you were dead. It's not your fault that someone is an alcoholic or a drug addict. You can't control the family you were born into or the color of your skin or anything. It's not your fault that you're stuck in an abusive relationship and you're too scared to leave. You can't control that there is a chemical imbalance in your brain. It's not your fault if people are mean to you or don't like you. Your world is coming crashing down around you and people say 'hah, that's just life.'
Some tell you to get help and talk to people and that'll fix everything, so you talk and it feels like nothing is getting better. It doesn't work like that. Talking to someone isn't the magical cure that everyone makes it out to be. You'll still feel alone and it won't have any improvements the first time. You have to work to get better, You have to want to get better. There is no amount of wishing that someone can do on your behalf to make you better.
Repeatedly talking to people does work for most people along with anti-depressants. I'm sure you've all heard this before but, talk to someone. Talk to a parent or a counselor or a friend or that you trust. You can even talk to me if you want. I won't judge you or try to give you ways to fix your situation but I will listen.
Don't be discouraged or think that no one cares about you if they don't notice a change in your behavior. They might be tired or have their own issues or a hundred million different things going on that it just got lost in their head, or they might be too scared to point it out because they desperately don't want you to be suicidal and are hoping that if they ignore it, it'll go away.
You are not alone. Everyone suffers in one way or another. They won't have the same experiences as you but they understand the hurt. It's good to check on each other. You don't even have to specifically ask them about sensitive topics, just saying hi and lets them know you care. Something like that can save someone.
Please be aware of who you are hurting if you decide to commit suicide. Your family, your friends, everyone around you. They will sad and hurt and lost. Some will be angry at you and you may lose some friends if you are suicidal. Some of the people will likely become suicidal because of it and that will cause even more suffering. Despite whatever lies your brain is telling you, people do care about you.
The best thing you can do if you are serious about ending your life is call someone, anyone who cares about you. Take some time to speak with them, hear their voices. Don't cut the call short. Give yourself some time to start thinking clearly again. Your head is all messed up. This is not a choice, this an emotional reaction. Give yourself some time to use logic in this situation.
This was long, I know, but I hope I helped even one person. If this could help even one person, then this has saved so many people.
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Sanscest One-shots (no lemons) (Requests Closed)
Fanfiction(This book is completed, if you want more stuff there's a second one) just some one-shots of Undertale AU ships. I do not own any of these characters (unless state otherwise). I try to update twice a week.
