BOOK ONE | jace wayland imagines

7. i'm not good for you part one

STORY CREATED BY xcrawlerwood

Months have passed and Maryse seems to become more and more aggressive with me every day. Day after day seems she hate me more, i don't know what i did to be treated that way. I'm with the Lightwood for as long as i can remember, my parents died when i was 14 and Maryse e Robert Lightwood welcomed me into their home.
I grew up with Izzy, Alec and Jace. After the death of my parents i was alone, with no family and now they are my family. Isabelle became my parabatai, she is my missing piede, it's like we complement each other. During these years she has always been by my side since the first day and she always will be, and i for her. Besides her i found an amazing best friend...actually he's more like an annoying big brother sometimes but i love him with all my hart. Alec is he is the most serious among us, he is kind, calm and smart. He is the most precious guy i've ever met, he always have time for me and for my craziness. He's not the type of person who love everyone in fact the first few days of my arrival i thought he hated me, but after I baked for him my special chocolate biscuits we were inseparable. Now they are his favorites. Another important person i've found is Jace. He is my family as well, but i don't see him like i see Alec. Through the years i developed a big feeling for him that is not brotherly. I have not the courage to tell him what i feel, despite the constant encouragement by Izzy and Alec. Izzy is so confident that for her it would like to drink a glass of water. Alec knows very well what i feel, but now he is dating Magnus, and it's easy for him to tell me that i must not wait and tell him how i feel. I can't. I can't tell him that i'm in love with everything about him. I don't want to ruin our friendship, if it's the only thing i can have. For him i'm like a sister, a small and clumsy little sister. Especially when Clary came into our lives i had no more chances. They become close while Jace seems to have forgotten my presence, we don't talk much, if se talk is for scream at each other. Every time we talk we end up arguing.
Today is no different, we are just returned from a mission together. The mission not end well and obviously Maryse given all the blame on me. Jace and i were following a group of vampires accused of running a drug smuggling. I noticed a demon coming behind us and i shouted "Jace!" for warning him but this revealed our position and allowing the vampires to flee.
"After months we could catch them! I shouldn't have sent you with Jace. What were you thinking? Now they will be more careful, and who knows when we will take them!" Maryse scream at me.
"I was thinking that there was a demon who was going to attack us at the shoulders. He was about to attack Jace."
"You could deal with it. There was need to shout at Jace? You're not able to do your job on your own?" she continues to rant on me while Jace is sitting watching.
"I'm more than capable, I don't wanted...he could get hurt"
"He's a Shadowhunters just like you. Now go to do your job i have some business to do." she says and i storm out of the office without waiting Jace. I reach my room and i slam the door in Jace's face. He open and close the door behind him. I started to clean my room pretending that he's not here.
"Can we talk?" he ask.
"No, we can't. I don't want to talk with you, i'm not in the mood."
"I don't care, i want to talk. What you did was dangerous. Not only the demon, vampires could attacked us " he continue.
"I don't need you to lecture me too! Next time i'll watch the demon jump on you!"
"Why are you guys screaming? Se can hear you from the central room." says Clary who just open my bedroom's door without my permission. Not her, everyone except her...it's not like i hate her, bit now i can't stand in the same room with these two.
"Nothing Clary." says Jace looking at her with sweet eyes that make me more angry "I was explaining some things about our last mission at Y/N. The mission was aborted because of her and now she's mad at me." this is too much!
"Enough! Go away both of you!" i shout while i push off Jace from my room and slam the door in their faces. I fall at the ground with my back at the door and i close my eyes. I'm exhausted of everything. I'm tired of Maryse who treat me like burden, i'm tired of Jace who continue to treat me like a child, not as a Shadowhunter, like him. Not like a lover. If once he saw me as a sister, now i'm nothing to him. I'm tired of tryng to be a better person, of hoping that things will change. I'm tired of pushing myself too hard for nothing. I'm so fucking tired of being so...me.