tw: transphobic comments and homophobic comments
in 2016, luke wanted a new start. he wanted a new 'look'. he was tired of the black skinny jeans and band t-shirts. it didn't feel like himself anymore. he didn't feel like himself anymore. so, he started to grow out his hair. he always kept it short because of his curls and thought no one would like it. but why does other people's opinions matter? if he likes it, then he should be able to do it without feeling judged.
as he started growing out his hair. his boyfriends loved it. they loved twirling their fingers in his curls. they loved running their fingers through the new length. he noticed fans commenting that his hair was longer, and that his curls we're cute. he would smile and feel more confident in his choice. it wasn't until he saw that some fans had said that they missed his short hair and didn't like the curls. he looked 'homeless'.
so luke cut his hair again.
in 2017, he tried again. this time though, everyone loved it. 'it's fits you luke'. 'don't cut your hair again please'. 'you're so cute'.
his boyfriends noticed the change in his mood after he started to grow his hair out again. and they loved to see luke more happy and confident. he's always been insecure and would have trouble loving himself. maybe this year was the fresh start luke was looking for.
he loved how his boyfriends started fighting over his hair. they all wanted to play with it. so, luke gave them 15 minutes each. of course, they would pout and whine once their time was over, but luke would cure their disappointment with a small kiss. that had always perked up their mood.
kissing was like a game now. tugging his hair was new now. never did his boyfriends tug at his hair. and he loves it. maybe a little too much.
his hair grew longer, and soon enough, it had grew down to the bottom of his ears. his curls were longer, so he would always have to slick them back, or tuck them behind his ears. he found himself styling his hair more. before his long hair, he would just push it to the side and leave it be. now, he was using hairspray. he was using combs.
but then, everything went upside down. instead of being happy, his depression creeped back in. he drank more, he would steal cigarettes from calum and smoke them where no one could find him. calum would always fuss about his cigarettes being missing, but luke never uttered a word and offered to buy him more.
that's where he messed up. they were always trying to get calum to quit the toxic habit.
that's when calum realized his missing cigarettes were now injected into luke's lungs. the toxic chemicals and poison was now in him.
calum started to lock his cigarettes up. he didn't want luke getting a hold to them.
luke only became more quiet. he would only smile and laugh when needed. he never cracked jokes anymore. he'd say 'i'm fine' when he wasn't. he lost weight, a lot of weight. he stopped eating as much. he couldn't exercise as much as he could before. he was becoming weak, physically.
the cherry on top was the whole '2fast4u' fiasco. he didn't expect it. his boyfriends didn't expect it. no one expected it.
he didn't bother to do anything. he disabled the comments, and cried to himself every night in fear of being exposed to lies. he was so terrified of what was going to happen. his boyfriends would hold him and let him cry. they knew he was going to break at some point, they just didn't know when.
luke had a 'fuck it' moment. he didn't care about what his ex girlfriend was going to do. she hadn't done anything.
he slowly found himself, again.
