i like you (say it back) ; egobang

02

In the morning the sunlight comes in through the window, hitting him right in the eyes. It nearly blinds him when he wakes up. His head aches.

He's not used to waking up this early. Suzy is already up though, more than likely working on something else of hers. Arin can't bring himself to leave the bed and join her for breakfast or anything- he doesn't want to leave the room at all, really, the negative emotions hitting him hard out of nowhere. It makes him just want to be alone for a while.

He fucking hates feeling like this for so many reasons. If he could just make it all stop without anyone getting hurt, he would. He fucking would. In a goddamn heartbeat.

He loves Suzy and he doesn't want to hurt her, but he thinks that maybe he loves Dan too, and that's what's fucking everything up. Being around Dan makes Arin happy, but it also makes him feel so... depressed- especially as of late. He knows that he can't have with Dan what he has with Suzy for multiple reasons, and it just so happens that that's all his stupid fucking heart wants.

He wants them both, wants to love them both and be loved by them both in every way. And maybe he's a fucking selfish, greedy bastard for it, but he can't help it. He doesn't want to give up on what he has with Suzy, but... he likes the way that Dan makes him feel too. It's like falling in love all over again and it makes him feel so jittery and excited and anxious.

But there's so many problems. So, so many, and it makes Arin feel upset all over again. There's a good chance that Suzy would never agree to a poly relationship, for one, and Dan is so straight that he would not be okay with it at all. Period. Even if he would be fine with it, jealousy could be a problem, and if not that then it'd be something else. There's always something.

And because of all of this shit going through his head lately, Arin has started going back to the way he used to be when he was depressed before. He hates it.

If only there was a way to be with them both. Arin would do anything for it.

It's almost as if Suzy can tell he's now awake because just minutes later, she's pushing the door open wider, peeking inside. "Hey honey," she says sweetly, finally stepping into the room. She comes over and sits on the edge of the bed beside his legs. "You feeling okay? We should head into the office soon. I like to be there a bit earlier than I have to as you know and I need to drive you up there."

She sees her husband's expression and the way that he doesn't move at all, and she purses her lips. "...Are you coming?"

Arin lets out a sigh, snuggling further into the blankets. "I'm not really feeling up to going in today," he tells her, honest. She searches his eyes, taking his hand in her own. "I just need a day to be alone and collect myself and my thoughts and all."

Suzy frowns slightly, but her expression seems a little sad. "I knew something was wrong," she murmurs, brushing a strand of Arin's hair out of his face. "How come you insisted that you were okay?"

"Because I am okay," he assures her to keep her from worrying, squeezing her hand tightly. She gives him a look because she doesn't believe him, but he just gives her a small smile. "At least, I will be. I'm just fuckin'... thinking a lot today, and don't think I can concentrate on anything at the office right now."

"Are you sure that's all?" she questions, knowing she's pushing it a little but she knows he doesn't mind it too much. "I don't mean to like, interrogate you or anything or be annoying about it but I know you were supposed to record the next two Power Hour videos today, and I know that it doesn't require too much concentration on your part since it's not super planned out or anything, so I know that's just an excuse and not the reason why you're not wanting to come in."