i like you (say it back) ; egobang

14

He heads into the kitchen to get something to drink and his stomach growls loudly, but he's not interested in eating anything still. He instead returns to his office and has a seat on his couch, rubbing his eyes; his head is pounding and he doesn't know why.

He leans back, letting his eyes fall shut. It's quiet and there's nothing to disturb him, so he easily falls asleep. He's not sure how long he sleeps for at first when he wakes up, but turning on his phone screen, he finds that it's almost nine already. Somehow the whole day flew by, and now he just wants to go home and go back to bed.

Leaving the office, he heads back home in silence. It allows him to get lost in his own thoughts on the way. He misses Suzy, misses Dan. He's been away from both of them for longer time periods than this, but not often at the same time like this. Besides, this is different. He knows that Suzy is up half the night worrying and that Dan still isn't interested in seeing him right now, and it hurts. It's all his fault.

What if Dan really does quit? What if he's through with it all now, and it's all Arin's fault? What if Dan doesn't want to do the show anymore because Arin kissed him and made every joke and bit between them a thousand times more real than before? What if Dan is disgusted by him now and wants nothing to do with him because of it, never wants to see or talk to him again? What if he loses his best friend for good over this? Over the kiss, over his feelings for Dan?

Arin has to pull the car over, the thoughts rushing through his head too fast and making him have an anxiety attack. He feels like he can't breathe, he can't see- he can't even function right. His chest hurts and he feels like vomiting, and he's so, so dizzy. His fingers are yanking at his own hair and then they're scrambling to get a grip on the car door's handle. He struggles to get the door open to get some fresh air, but he does get it open, thankfully.

He turns so that his legs are hanging out of the open door and he's leaning forward, his face between his knees. His fingers are in his own hair, yanking at the strands on the back of his head, close to his scalp. He's trying to take deep breaths, trying to calm down, trying to remind himself that Dan isn't the kind of person who would act the way Arin is afraid he might. Dan wouldn't be disgusted enough to stop speaking to him or to quit. He's not like that. Arin knows he isn't.

He just can't help how he's feeling.

Several cars zip past him on the main road, not too far from where his car sits in a mostly empty parking lot. He's already been sitting here for five minutes, but he's slowly calming down. Slowly, but surely.

When he can finally catch his breath, he slides his legs back into the car and closes the door. He still sits there for a moment, unmoving as his hands grip the wheel and turn his knuckles white, but he eventually pulls out of the parking lot and finishes the drive back home.

He immediately goes inside when he gets there, getting himself something to drink. His hands are still shaking a little, but his heartbeat has finally slowed. He makes sure not to drop his glass of water as he takes a long sip and then sets what's left on the countertop.

He should call Suzy, but he doesn't want her to worry even more than she must be already with the way he was acting at Brian's. Honestly, Arin wouldn't be surprised if Brian already told her about the whole killing himself thing, but he hopes that she knows that he wouldn't do that to her. He wouldn't; he loves her.

He settles down on the couch and tries to relax for a moment. It's a bit after 9 now, so he checks the TV and sees what's on. Nothing really, but he watches something anyway. After all, he's not really even paying attention- too busy zoning out.

The thing that snaps him back to reality is the sound of the doorbell ringing about twenty minutes later. Arin frowns and stands, feeling lightheaded as he makes his way over to his front door and pulls it open.