i like you (say it back) ; egobang

26

"Whoa, um, I'm sorry," the guy says before he leaves just as quickly as he came in.

Before Arin can even look at Dan, the older man is shoving him away like he's disgusted by him. "God fucking dammit," Dan swears, pushing past Arin. "This is exactly what I didn't want to happen. This is why I didn't want to come on this date in the first fucking place- I told you I'm not ready for people to know about this."

"The guy didn't even seem all that bothered, just embarrassed," Arin tries to explain, reaching for Dan's arm. Dan shrugs it off and runs his hands through his hair, tugging at the curls. "Danny, please- he more than likely didn't recognize us and we'll never fuckin' see him again. He's just some rando, it's not like everyone is gonna somehow find out about us now."

"That's not the fucking point, Arin," Dan snaps, sounding a little defeated, as if he's on the verge of tears. "The point is that I'm scared of being judged by other people and okay, yeah, I'm scared of what will happen when people find out, because they will find out- it's not like we can hide this forever, and I know that, but goddamn... how many times do I need to say that I'm not fucking ready for people to know and I don't wanna know how everyone else is going to react- I don't think I can handle it. It doesn't matter that he was some fucking rando, I just... I knew this was a bad idea."

Dan leaves the bathroom, but Arin follows him out. "Dan," he sighs, reaching for his boyfriend, but Dan pushes him away. Arin's sure Dan can see the hurt on his face, but he doesn't react to it.

"No, Arin. Just stop." Arin's hands fall to his sides and Dan looks at him with a guilty expression. "This... this was a mistake; it's obviously not going to work out between us when I can't even handle the fact that I'm in love with another guy and I don't want anyone else to know about it."

Arin nearly winces. "What are you saying?" he almost whispers, his eyes watering. Dan frowns, avoiding his eyes because he knows he'll only find hurt in them.

"I'm saying that we should just break up now before I ruin everything and this destroys our friendship for good."

Arin feels like he's been shot right in the chest. He takes in a shuddering breath, but Dan speaks again before he gets the chance to say anything.

"Look, Arin... if we're together, keeping our relationship a secret is the best thing we can do because not everyone is going to understand it, first of all, and like... fuck, I don't want anybody- not friends or fans or anyone, period, to think of me differently for wanting to be with you. I'm not ready for public dates or anything like that because as it is I'm barely getting used to kissing you and shit. Once again, I'm not ready for anyone else to know about us. I keep repeating myself and it feels like you don't get it."

"I do get it, but nobody would think differently of you, Dan," Arin argues, trying not to get too emotional, "But I understand, and it's fine that you don't want anyone else to know and I'm sorry that you keep having to make that clear, because you shouldn't have to. And I'm sorry if I've been pushing you, Danny, but please... please don't say that we should break up."

Arin pauses, trying to figure out what to say next. "Look, you know I'm an idiot, and I make mistakes and- and I'm so fucking sorry, dude. I know that I shouldn't have made you come out here, and I shouldn't have kissed you in a public place, and I should've... I should've done things different. But I promise that from now on I won't do anything that could possibly out us to anyone or anything like that, okay? I swear that I won't fuck this up again. Just... please don't say that it's over."

Dan bites down on his bottom lip. "I wanna be with you, Arin; I wouldn't be standing here right now if I didn't. I just feel like I'm being selfish and unfair to you, and all of that could destroy everything between us. I don't want that. I want to prevent that, and I feel like breaking up is the only way."