i like you (say it back) ; egobang

13

Arin wakes up in the morning with a splitting headache. It's so bad that he can't even sit up without feeling pain and can barely open his eyes to the light. He takes a deep breath, throwing an arm over them and just lying there, thinking.

He shouldn't have drank as much as he did. Things are fuzzy, but he remembers everything. Kissing Dan... Dan walking out angrily... himself, getting smashed and losing his phone and driving drunk over to Brian's house. He remembers talking to Brian and being forced to stay the night, remembers not getting to talk to Suzy for the second time to say that he was sorry.

Fuck, his heart aches so much. He feels like he's being dramatic when he's wishing that he could shut down and stop feeling anything at all, wishing that he were dead right now. He feels selfish for thinking that and for wanting to die, because how could he leave Suzy behind? And Dan- Arin may be upset with the way Dan handled things, and Dan may hate Arin right now, but Arin couldn't be so selfish as to leave him either.

Maybe if he was selfish enough, Arin could find it in him to do it. To commit suicide. Last night would've been the perfect time and he had so many opportunities- he could've made it look accidental, too. He could have "accidentally" driven his car in front of someone else's and died in the collision. He could've "accidentally" crashed or flipped his car on his way here, to Brian's. He could've "accidentally" gotten hit by anybody, or could've done so many other things.

Or he could've just not cared at all. He could've simply taken a handful of either his or Suzy's prescription pills and overdosed, and it would've been so easy, and everything would be over.

But it's not over yet. Arin's here now, alive and breathing, because he isn't that selfish and he isn't that stupid. His life isn't so bad that he should be here now, thinking about the ways he could've killed himself last night.

But things are pretty bad right now, and they could easily get to that point where he might seriously consider taking his own life. He can't let that happen. He needs Dan to stay on Game Grumps, to stay his friend at the very least.

He needs Dan to stay.

Everything hasn't completely fallen apart yet, but it's getting there. For now, Arin supposes it's just time to play the waiting game until he hears from Dan again, whether it's because he's forgiving him, or because he's quitting.

"Arin. Here, take this."

Arin lifts up his arm and cracks open an eye to find Brian there, holding out some aspirin and a glass of water. The younger man sits up the best he can and takes them items from Brian's hands, downing the aspirin and the entire glass of water.

"Thanks," Arin sighs out, yawning. His head is pounding, but hopefully the aspirin helps. Brian gives him a nod in response and sits down on the end of the sofa where Arin's feet were previously, nudging the younger's legs out of the way. "What time is it?"

Brian checks his watch. "Around 9AM," he answers, looking over at Arin. "I'm only a little surprised you're awake right now- I did kind of make you go to sleep way earlier than you're probably used to. I turned out the lights at like... ten last night, I think? Yeah, ten."

Arin shrugs, not sure if he cares if his sleep schedule changes for the better right now. "Where's Rachel and Audrey?" he finds himself wondering aloud, the house empty and quiet without the TV on or the five year old running around and playing.

"Audrey is at school right now, and Rachel is at the store picking up a few things."

"Ah, I forgot Audrey started going to kindergarten," Arin murmurs, but then things are quiet. "Did you hear from Dan at all? Or Suzy?"