how to have sex with an alpha male? (How-To Series #1)

19. give him a strawberry-flavoured ice cream

I told Ian to list all the significant places in his life that contributed to the trauma he has until now. From the lightest memories to the darkest and terrifying scenarios that haunt him until these days.

Monday comes up again.

But instead of going to school to take classes, we directed to the principal's office to excuse our abscence for some medical reasons. We also asked some certification or document from Mr. Rowell to establish the cause of our abscence.

"O, why?" Tanong ni Sir Freddie, ang principal, na kakapasok lang na binubutones pa ang kaniyang suit.

"Uhmmmm.... sir, hindi na po kami magpapaligoy-ligoy pa," napalunok ako sa kaba, "Gusto po sana naming mag-excuse ng ilang weeks sa school." Ako.

Bakas kay Sir Freddie ang pagkagitla sa narinig. Alam ko rin naman kasing varsity si Ian ng eskuwelahan. Kaya medyo kinakabahan ako na baka hindi kami pagbigyan.

Katabi ko si Ian, nangangatog parehas ang aming kamay at binti.

"For what reason then?" Pagtatanong ni Sir Freddie. At doon ko na nga inabot ang brown envelope na naglalaman ng hiningi naming dokumento mula kay Mr. Rowell.

Binuksan ng principal ang envelope, dinukot ang laman, at binasa ang content ng dokumento. Napakunot ang noo niya sa pagbabasa.

Kinakabahan na ako, puta!

Mas nanginig ang katawan ko. Ngunit may kamay na lang na biglang humawak sa namamasa ko nang kamay. Nang tingnan ko ay wala ng iba kung hindi si Ian na binigyan ako ng matipid na ngiti. That made me feel a weird feeling in my stomach all of a sudden.

Pagkatapos na pagkatapos ni sir Freddie na magbasa, agad niyang tinapunan ng tingin si Ian. "Wala akong alam na may ganito ka palang kondisyon. And masakit para sa akin na sabihin ito pero may maganda at masama akong balita."

Dug. Dug.

"Ang magandang balita ay pinapayagan ko kayong lumiban sa mga klase niyo hanggang sa matapos ang treatment ni Ian." Nakahinga ako ng maluwag. I lift my head and thank God internally. Habang si Ian naman ay napatalon sa tuwa.

"Oh gosh!! Thank you, sir Freddie. You don't know how much you made me happy." Kinamayan pa ni Ian ito sa sobrang pagkatuwa.

Ngunit hindi tulad namin, hindi masaya si sir Freddie. Walang bakas ng ngiti sa labi nito o kaya sa mga mata nito. "But, sorry to tell you, Ian..... y-you have to exit the b-basketball team."

Natigilan si Ian. "What?"

Maging ako ay nabigla sa narinig ko.

Hanggang sa pag-uwi namin ay hindi ako makapagsalita. Nakatulala ako sa hangin. Sa tuwing pagmamasdan ko si Ian, nakangiti siya, tumatawa, at nagkukuwento. Mas nanlulumo ako.

"Hindi ka ba nalulungkot na natanggal ka sa team?!" Halos pasigaw kong tanong sa kaniya.

Imbes na maglaho ang ngiti sa labi niya, mas nanatili iyon at mas napansin ko kung gaano ito ka-genuine. "Is basketball really important to me?" Hindi ko siguro kung kanino niya ipinaparating ang salitang iyon. Sa akin ba?

Nagpatuloy siya. "You always made me feel good. You always made sure I was at my best. You understand me even if that means you'll be hurt. I won't allow you to have sex with Xiu anymore."

"Ian!!"

"I mean, it was my responsibility to make you feel good. It's my dick's job, for heaven's sake, not that Xiu's small dick!" Natawa ako sa sinabi niya.

At hinawakan nga niya ang kamay ko na nakalapat sa aking hita. "You are important to me more than basketball."

I instantly melt at the spot. He always succeeded kapag ginagawa niya ito. E kasi ba naman, guwapo na, sweet talker pa.

•••

Maaga kami umalis kinabukasan ng bahay ni Ian. More of like naging sanktuwaryo na namin ni Ian ang bahay niya. Iisipin ko pa lang na namumuhay kami na parang mag-asawa, hindi ko na mapigilan ang pagngiti na kumakawala sa labi ko.

"Economy muna tayo ngayon. Bagong kasal lang kasi tayo e." Panloloko ko sa kaniya na sinakayan niya agad.

"Don't worry, honey. I'll find a good paying job so we can ride on that first class or else you wanna ride something huge and long instead." Pinalo ko siya sa braso. Kahit kelan talaga mas magaling talaga siyang mang-asar kaysa sa akin.

Inayos ko ang upo ko sa upuan, making myself comfortable.

Bigla kong naalala ang listahang ginawa ni Ian na magsisilbing itinerary ng buo naming trip.

"Ay oo nga pala. I have already booked trips sa mga lugar na sinulat mo." Tumingin siya sa akin, nanlaki ang mata sa excitement.

Kinurot ko ang pisngi niya, "Ang cute mo talaga!! Para kang bata."

"I'm not a kid anymore. Don't treat me as one, please." Nawala siya sa mood. Umayos na siya ng upo at nagtakip ng sleeping mask sa mata.

"But you'll always be my baby." Pangkukulit ko. Inabot ko pa ang kaniyang tagiliran para kilitiin. Nagkakakawag siya na parang buntot sa pagkakiliti. Agad niyang tinanggal ang mask at tiningnan ako ng masama.

"But you're not my baby." Ani niya. Parang sibat iyon na tumusok sa puso ko.

Ako naman ang nawala sa mood, umayos ako ng upo. Tinakpan ko ang mata ko ng mask para magpahinga na. Hindi ko siya pinansin. Naiinis ako sa kaniya!

"Hey! I'm sorry. That's not what I meant." Paghingi niya ng tawad. Mahigpit niya pa akong niyakap nang hindi nabitaw.

"Psssh! May nalalaman ka pang 'you are important to me more than basketball.' Tapos you're not my baby naman ngayon. Gusto mong maputulan ng tite?" I spat, still have the sleeping mask on.

"It's only if you can live without it." Rebutt niya.

I screamed at the top of my lungs sa sinabi niya. Kakaasar!! This only proves how great of a teaser he is.

We arrived at our destination 4 AM in the morning, following New York's time which is 12 hours behind my country which means it's 4 PM in the Philippines.

Agad kaming nakakuha ng taxi dahil malapit lang sa airport ang hotel kung saan kami mag-iistay for the night. I thought that it will be a great idea if we can rent for an air-bnb. But that is in store for the next few days. Pero ngayon, siguro rito muna kami sa hotel.

Medyo magulo pa ang mga gamit na nilagay lang namin sa tabi for now. Matapos ni Ian magbuhat ng madaming luggage, he collapsed on the bed almost instantly heaving hard.

Nag-half bath muna ako bago humiga ng kama. Paglabas ko, nadatnan ko na ang asawa ko na tulog na at hindi maintindihan ang postura ng katawan. Napangiti ako sa nangyayari sa buhay ko ngayon. Just thinking how much I have been through just to get this young beautiful lad laying in front of me, I couldn't be any prouder.

Inayos ko ang higa niya at kinumutan siya.

Asawa.

Sana nga.

Naalala ko ang tanong niya sa akin tungkol sa kasal.

Sa totoo lang, sagrado ang tingin ko sa kasal. Pero siyempre, gusto ko rin ang maikasal sa lalaking gusto rin ako pakasalan.

Umupo ako sa tabi ni Ian. Rubbing my thumb on his knuckles, mas lumapad ang ngiti sa labi ko. Even though how much I want to be married with this guy and how much I wanted to call him my husband, he will just not settle to a man like me. It is not ideal. It is an eyesore.

"I love you." I whispered to his ears then pecked him on his cheek. Sighing, tumabi ako sa kaniya sa king-size bed. Niyakap ko siya at iniangat ang ulo para humiga sa kaniyang dibdib. This feels good. I want to stay like this forever.

•••

IAN'S POV

Later that day, I woke up about noon. It was embarassing that the smell of whatever is being cooked is what wakes me up. I'm not a patay-gutom though. And to support my claim, I have abs which Jared adores so much. Kidding!

I hugged him from behind as he was holding a kitchen tool which for Pete's sake I don't know what. "Oh, gising ka na pala. Anong oras na o? Ayaw mo naman sigurong magbayad ng mahal sa kuwarto natin, di ba?"

I felt naughtiness creeping its way to my mouth and to my morning wood. "If we ever got kicked out from here, let's go somewhere we can have sex all night. Anywhere's fine." I said rubbing my bulge to his behind which startled him.

"Have sex all night. Ano? Ngangalayin mo bunganga ko kakachupa sa'yo?" His words laced with sarcasm. I couldn't blame him for being such an ass. I was worse than an impotent man. I couldn't even make my partner feel good.

My eyes turned gloomy all of a sudden.

That's why I agreed to the therapy Mr. Rowell endorses us. I really want to do what will make Jared happy.

Too bad that I still cannot confirm this feeling inside of my head. He makes me feel warm and special. He makes me feel loved which I am not hating about. He made me feel all those feeling but I cannot give them all back to him. I know I can fake these feelings as much as I want since whenever I saw him, I saw Tyra. And it makes the responsibility much lighter.

But I guess what I am doing all along was wrong.

Probably Jared was considering the things I did for him were all special which in my opinion is the care I have for him. What I am sure about is I cannot lose Jared now. Never.

He has a special place in my heart.

But I do not know how I can return his love especially when he already dropped the 'I love you' this morning. My heart beats a hundred times faster when I heard those words escaped his mouth.

"O siya, huwag ka na riyang mag-emo-emo! Luto na ang almusal slash tanghalian. We have to transfer to our airbnb para masimulan na natin ang therapy mo. I am so excited!!" He really is EXCITED. He is jumping up and down in excitement then launched himself onto me that caused me to be out of balance for a good second.

A smile slipped on to my lips while Jared is feeling all squishy hugging me very tightly as if I were a human-size teddy bear.

"I-I am excited too. But I know you'll be more excited to my dick's turnaround to penetrating an ass more than to a pussy." He smacked me in the head.

"Hindi para sa'kin 'yon. Para sa'yo 'yon, tanga." Smacking me once again in the head, he then pulled me in an embrace again.

•••

Since I was way stronger physically than Jared, of course I'll be the one to carry our heavy luggages while he was roaming around the block to find our airbnb.

"Are we even near?" I questioned, muscles stiffening.

"Uhmmmm.. sabi malapit na." He showed the map he was referring to.

After a while, Jared came to a halt in front of a two-storey house. It was generally big for two people but not like a mansion or what.

"How can we get in?" I asked while placing the luggages on the concrete. He didn't give me any attention as he was assessing something in front of the door.

When I peeped in, in his left hand is his phone with some code displayed on the screen while his right hand was pressing the code to the high-tech lock attached in front of the door.

A creak sounded as the door opened revealing a stair towards the main floor. Oh good, I guess I have to carry these luggages again.

Sighing, I reached my hand for the handles making it roll as I trailed behind Jared.

Jared slumped on the couch sucking sharp breaths. "Nakakapagod naman."

My eyes got wide in disbelief. "And I wasn't?"

He beamed at me. Standing from his seat, he fished out a face towel rubbing it all over my face and down my neck where some sweat was dripping.

"Sorry naman. Napagod ka pala." I rolled my eyes at him which made him chuckle.

But really, I am exhausted with all of the lifting and stuff. I actually think that my sleep this morning was beyond insufficient.

He retrieved a paper out of his pocket and read it while he's standing in front of me. "So I guess, una nating pupuntahan ay kung saan ka pinanganak."

I nodded in response. To start the treatment, I have to heal from the very start. From where it all started. And it's my birth.

"We arrived." Jared notified giving my shoulder a little shake to wake me up.

My eyes fluttered open and an unknown establishment was already in front of me. The building was fairly tall and wide. I'm just wondering how many kids had suffered the same way I'd gone through.

As we were walking on the hallway of the floor we were on, I cannot keep my sanity. Different emotions were sweeping through my mind. I had some uncontrollable shaking of knees as we sat down on a connected type of seats that served as the waiting area.

"Sabi ni Doc Rowell, ang mabisang proseso sa treatment is expose yourself in the environment, talk to the people involved, and share it with me. Tatlong steps lang pero sana huwag kang mahirapan."

"Sure." I affirmed.

With that, I breathed in and out, letting myself expose in the environment as per Jared's instruction. I do not know exactly what happened in this place. But basing from my aunt's stories, my mom almost died while giving birth to me. My dad wasn't even there. It pained me to learn that my mom was alone when she gave birth to me. No one really cared even my aunt.

Having this memories still lingering in my head, it kinda sucks that it really affected the way I grew up and how I freak out over homo sex.

I was staring at nothingness when a middle-aged woman wearing a pink scrub came to me and asked, "May I help you with anything?" I snapped back to my senses almost immediately.

When I was about to answer, Jared has already responded to the prior question, "Uhmm. N-nothing."

"Sorry to say but you cannot stay in here if not for medical reasons." Her brows tugged together as if telling us that's against her will.

I sighed in disappointment. I shifted my eyes to Jared who already has stood up confusing me further with his actions. He tagged the nurse along, perhaps trying to talk to her. Basing on their gestures, Jared was easily convincing the nurse as smile made its way to her lips.

Not long enough, Jared went back back to where we were sitting. He did no explanation. He just let me focus on what I was doing.

The nurse disappeared in an instant.

After a while, Jared cuts my deep thoughts. He nodded at me as if we were in an action movie as secret agents.

The next step is talk to people associated. I actually had no idea who I can talk with regarding my issue. So I stood on my feet, walked around the floor until I bumped into the same nurse that told us to leave the hospital.

She was dodging her eyes from me. As she was flipping papers in the record book on her hands, she threw few glances at me from afar. When maybe she realized I wouldn't leave her alone, she excused herself to a co-employee sitting right next to her in the nurse station.

And so I followed her. Her steps became faster and longer. In the back of my head, I knew something is wrong.

So I put her to a halt by placing a hand on her shoulder. She was startled to the contact.

Wishing she would provide me the information I needed to hear, I asked her to a coffee shop nearby so we could catch up. I learned that she was my mom's bestfriend. She told me that my mom was never alone while giving birth to me.

And about my dad? He sent my mom a letter and some money from my dad's "good-paying job." This had me grow angrier to my dad. If it weren't for his negligence, that trauma a friend caused wouldn't have happened.

Apparently, I couldn't bring Jared with me.... on the same table. It was even his decision to separate tables so after this step, I can spend time with him to accomplish the third step.

I instantly grew fond for Katie. The thirty minutes with her seemed to last like forever. She felt like my mom. The warmth of her embrace as we were parting was like my mom's. I smiled to myself while she was giving me that tight hug.

It was my mom's instruction to Katie not to tell anyone about what happened in that hospital. I didn't know why. But it has to be something connected to the later events responsible to my trauma.

"Someone seems hungry." I teased while me and Jared were walking on the sidewalk.

Kanina pa kumukulo tiyan niya. And what is better thing to do than tease him of how big eater he has become.

"Hindi ah." He denied, irritated.

He couldn't be any cuter than he already was because right before I even noticed, I already have pinched his cheek which made him stop from his steps to glare at me.

"Stop it." Was all he said.

Chuckling, I let go of his cheek as he flushed scarlet red all over. "Right. Let's get you some Chinese food."

"Mas maganda." He snapped.

•••

Ordering in a Chinese restaurant has never been easy. There were a lot of good dishes which we cannot decide on.

Good thing though is the fast service so we do not have to wait long.

"Okay, ngayon meron na tayong pagkain, you promised na sasabihin mo sa akin lahat nang nangyari at nalaman mo kanina." Oh, goodie! His smile was spreading ears to ears. And it definitely tells me a warning.

My lips began trembling and so is my knees.

I thought it would be easy to open up. I had never shared my life to everyone. And that one time that I did to Jared, it scarred me the next day. I felt embarassed and weak at the same time.

"I-I don't know." I stuttered, dropping my gaze at the table.

He suddenly looked worried. "B-Bakit? Hindi ka pa ba ready?"

I shook my head. "No. I just think that... ughhh!! Okay, I'll try."

We stared at each other. Compared to his, my eyes were pretty unsure. And if I were on his shoes, I wouldn't like it, considering that we had to fly over here just to cure whatever wrong was in my head.

Still having a double thought, I tried to at least open my mouth. "The-the w-woman... t-the woman..... the-"

"Huwag na." Cutting me off, he smiled to himself bitterly looking down.

I stared at him for a good second, still wondering what causes him to act like that. That didn't take too long as he lifted his head to meet my eyes. "Tell me when you're ready." He finally told me.

I could see through his eyes how sad they were. He might be thinking that I was too selfish that I do not want to share a mere birth situation to him. I knew it was his doing why were we here. I knew it's his efforts and ideas, but I was just having a hard time to open up to someone.

This was why I only had few friends. And these friends? Even them, they do not know everything about me. Pretty sure they knew what I am but they did not know who I am. There's a big difference between the two.

And for the moment, we just continued eating our meal because that's clearly why we are in a resto.

Sighing, I sipped from my cup wishing that I could really open up about my life to Jared who was really close and special to my heart.

•••

JARED'S POV

Staring through our room's window, I couldn't keep my heartbeat down to its normal rate. Kanina ko pa kasi iniisip si Ian. At kahit siguro siya, napapa-isip na rin ngayon.

Nasa kusina siya na kadugtong lang ng dining area at ng living room. Nakaupo siya roon at nagkakape kahit gabi na. Bukas ang pinto ng kuwarto and the kitchen area is just the opposite direction of the bedroom. Kaya tanaw ko siya rito.

Papalit-palit siya ng posisyob at parang hindi mapalagay. Minsan nakatungo, minsan tumitingala. At may pagkakataong aakma siyang tatayo para yata pumunta sa kuwarto tapos babalik muli sa pagkakaupo.

I wanna help him calm down at 'wag isipin masyado ang mga nangyari ngayong araw. Tomorrow will be longer than today kaya gusto ko sana na maging handa siya at masanay lalo na ngayon na light pa lang ang ina-address namin.

So I came to an idea so I could help him. Kaya tumayo ako mula sa kama, kinuha ang wallet ko, at lumabas ng kuwarto. Nilagpasan ko muna si Ian na nakuha ko yata ang pansin nang dumaan ako sa kaniya. I shut the door almost immediately and went around the block to find the nearest convenience store.

At talagang bumili ako ng isang gallon ng ice cream. Medyo mahal lang dito talaga. Wala ba namang Dan Eric's dito. 12 pesos lang maliit na cup no'n e.

Nang makabalik ako, nakapatong na ang ulo ni Ian sa kaniyang braso at parang natutulog na.

"Ano ba 'yan?! Binilhan pa kita ng ice cream." Malakas na sabi ko sa sarili ko.

Ian suddenly moved para tingnan kung anuman ang gumising sa kaniya. Pupungay-pungay pa nga ang mga mata niya. Ang cute niyang tingnan kaysa sa guwapo.

He smiled almost immediately nang masilayan niya ako.

"Ice cream?" Pagyaya ko sa kaniya. Tila nabuhayan ang kaniyang mga mata. Pero bumalik din ito sa normal nang may maisip siya.

Hinila niya ako upang paupuin ako sa tabi niya sa mumunting counter. "So what flavor have you bought?" He asked to himself more than he asked me. I didn't know why but it sounded like that.

Kasabay nang pagtanggal niya ng ice cream sa may plastic akong sumagot. "Strawberry."

"O shit!" Napamura si Ian.

"W-why?" Medyo devastated kong tanong.

It takes a lot for Ian to curse. He could be angry, startled, or very horny during oral sex.

So bakit siya napamura ngayon?

Waiting for the answer, he sighed for the nth time before answering. "I didn't like strawberry ice cream."

"Oh." Dismayado kong tugon. "Hindi ko kasi alam na hindi ka pala nakain ng strawberry ice cream e. Kung nasabi mo lang sana."

Bigla kong naisipang pasaringan siya ng pasimple, "Kung nag-oopen up ka lang kasi sa akin e. At least alam ko ang mga gusto at mga ayaw mo. Para next time, hindi na ako nagsasayang."

Napansin ko ang reaksyon ni Ian sa sinabi ko. Mukhang gumana ang ginawa ko a.

"I'm having a double thought if I should tell you or not. I'm trying to decide right when we arrived." He chewed his bottom lip.

Kaya pinatong ko ang kamay ko sa naka-ikom niyang kamao. At mukha namang tumalab dahil nagrelax siya ng kaunti.

Nagbuntong-hininga muli siya bago siya magpatuloy sa pagsasalita. "That woman... that woman was my mom's friend. You remember when I thought my dad let my mom to deliver me alone? I learned from the nurse, her name, by the way, is Katie, that she was by my mom's side all throughout. My dad was also constantly checking my mom's condition. There's something inside me feel relieved..." kinuha ko ang pagkakataon habang nagkukuwento siya na kumuha ng kutsara at sumubo na sa malaking lagayan ng ice cream.... "Though I'm not pretty sure I was completely healed in all of the scars, but I'll get there." He brushed the tip of his thumb onto my right knuckle which was holding the spoon. "So don't worry about me."

Para akong bata na hindi nakikinig sa kaniya. Naabutan niya pa kasi akong pasubo muli ng isang kutsara ng ice cream nang matapos na siyang magkuwento at tiningnan ako para makita ang reaction ko.

I do not know what to feel about what he shared.

I mean, not that I do not care. Pero kasi I already set my mind that I should be open-minded to his stories, that I should prepare for the worst.

Hindi ko na rin namang mapapagkaila ang kawalan ko ng magandang reaksyon sa ikinuwento niya kaya sinabi ko na lang, "Maganda 'yan. Keep it up. I'll also keep up with this ice cream. Hala sige! Kuwento lang."