The Struggle of Ms. Carter (rewritten)

Chapter 12~

Ms. Carter's p. O. v.
___________
One more class.
After today I just want to lie in bed and stay there but, we have just one more day till the weekend.
The final bell had rung and my fourth was sitting quietly waiting for instruction.
I sigh and walk in front of my class, around the front of my desk, and sit on it that way.

"Today we will be talking about a poem we'll watch in a minute. The poem is by Maya Angelou. Can anyone tell me what she is best known for?" Half of the class raised their hand. I called on a girl with purple hair.

"Yes Elena."

"Umm her poetry?"

"Yes very good. Her poetry and what else, someone new?" A few less hands were up. I called on a small boy with shaggy black hair.

"Go ahead Mitchell."

"She was a singer and wrote a lot of books and was like an activist."
I hopped off of my desk and walked from the left to right side of the room.

"Yes. Dr. Angelou was a poet and activist. She's published books, essays, and has many other accomplishments. The poem I'll show is a video, and I want you all to pay close attention to what she's saying. It may be hard to hear because it's a little old. But I want you to write down some phrases she uses before and during her poem that can be used in place of some we use today. We will discuss them after."
I explained while turning on the projector that displays on the white board and waited for it to show the YouTube video before turning down the lights.

The cleverness of her words sunk into my head and I sat down holding in my hand the remote.
Mind you I've watched this three other times today.
I stopped it at 40 seconds and looked up toward my class as they looked back toward me. I turned on the light next to me for a moment and watched my class squint.

"What do you think she meant when she said survival apparatus?—Well let's begin with the word apparatus, what does it mean?"

There were only a handful that raised their hands. One of those being Payton as she looked at me with fulgurant eyes. It was only for a good second that my head returned to my body and I turned to a donnish looking boy with thin framed glasses.

"Josh, what does the word apparatus mean?"

"Uh it's like the type of equipment needed to fulfill a task."

"That's right so what does she mean, by survival apparatus?"
Payton was the only one now to raise her hand, I smile and call her name.

"Dr. Angelou is trying to say that this woman she's watching uses "laughing" as a tool for her own mental survival. Like how people have atonements for their behavior/the way they chose to live stored in their mind, this woman chooses to live with none. Dr. Angelou is saying we need to be more like this woman because she is an example of instinctive survival. Or the idea of having a way of  thriving through her own apparatus without even thinking about it."
My mouth was slightly agape as I looked at her. Everyone was either glancing at her or trying to put the pieces of her words together.

"Payton that's exactly correct. Have you watched this before?" My hand gestured to the board without looking at it. She just smiled a quiet smile and nodded her head so I took it as a yes and turned down the lights once more. I played the rest of the video and swept my bangs to the side watching her. Obviously I wasn't discrete enough because before I could look away she caught my eyes, and even with the minimal amount of light, my blush was clearly visible. I made a mental note, dragging my eyes from hers and back to my empty desk.
If you're going to stare, try not to make it so obvious.
But I haven't even heard my own classmates in college be able to use "atonements" in a sentence correctly.
After the video was over I asked them to write at least two paragraphs about what they believe it means to have a 'survival technique'. I told them to be creative with their thoughts and write in complete sentences then gave them the rest of the time. This left me some time to begin grading the papers written from an earlier class. I played with a strand of my loose hair and tucked my red pen in between my teeth while I started to read the rest of them. My grading was going fine until I realized how much time had passed by the sounds of zippers and shuffling feet.

"Turn in what you have!" I raised my voice though I'm quite sure only a few were listening.
When the bell rang my class scurried out and I was left to my thoughts. I sighed and reached in my lower drawer to check my phone.
No messages from my sister.
I sighed again and began to rub my eyes before I felt a pair of hands gently removing them.

"O-h right! I keep forgetting you have to stay after." The last part was spoken more to myself than to the girl taking in my exhaustion.
She let go of my hands and I moved them to my sides and straightened my back instinctively.

"Tired?—Well that's a stupid question, of course you are." I giggled at her ramble and waved her off.

"No no I'm fine. It's just been a very long day, but I don't need to tell you that. I apologize." She took a minute before speaking seriously, eyes focused intently into mine.

"Don't ever be sorry for something that is out of your control. You gave a natural reaction to bad news. It's not your fault, so don't apologize like you have something to be sorry for." My eyes shifted to my lap and I blushed behind my falling hair.

I felt her tuck the pieces covering my face, behind my ear. She then knelt down to my level and turned my chair to face her.

"Don't be embarrassed either. It's okay."
I still couldn't look her in the face.

"And I don't want you to just think of me as a student." My head shot up to face her curiously.

"What.?" She nodded.

"I'd like us to be friends as well." I breathed out.
I wasn't expecting that.

That's so sweet.

"Well yeah I think we can be friends." I grinned.

"This means that you can come to me whenever, with whatever, without judgement. Okay? Just because you're a little older than me doesn't mean that you don't have things you have to get off your chest as well. To a person rather than a cat"- I gasped realizing my Luna must be so scared all alone in my apartment.

"Oh I'm sorry, she just must be so scared all alone in my apartment. She was so clingy this morning and yesterday. But yes you are right talking to a cat isn't in the range of normal to some people." We both laughed then she looked at her watch and stood up.

"Time to go?" I looked at the clock hoping it wasn't.

"No actually we still have half an hour, was there any work you had for me?"

"Oh right yes I did." I spun my chair back toward my desk and grabbed half of the papers I was working on as well as a red pen and my sheet of corrections for their writing.
I handed them to her and told her to go by the sheet and her own opinion.
So we began to work quietly for the next 30 ish minutes and I watched her every once in a while.
She sat in the desk closest to mine, so right across from me.
I couldn't get myself to focus.