Love In Sadness

TWENTY EIGHT

CHAPTER 28:
Love You Right

I'm now here alone in the house. Nakapahalumbaba, iniisip kung paano sisimulan muli ang paghahanap ng trabaho. Matagal na akong wala sa restaurant na pinagtratrabahuhan ko noon at ngayon naman ay natanggal ako sa kompanya na pinapasukan ko dahil hehe madalas akong nag hahalf day o di naman kaya ay hindi pumapasok sa trabaho. Eh pano kasi I'm busy supporting Starlight for almost all of their activities. It's not that I'm blaming them dahil ginusto ko naman iyon ang suportahan sila. 'Yon nga lang ay napabayaan ko ang trabaho.

Halos patapos na rin ang buwan, na patingin ako sa aking cellphone na wala pa ring text o tawag mula kay Raizen. It's not that I'm still waiting for him.. because right now I'm gathering a lot of courage to stop dating him anymore.

I've been texting him about this matter actually. Tinanong ko siya kung kailan ba siya uuwi at may importante akong sasabihin sa kaniya. How many times did I send him a message about it? I even told him na I am entertaining another guy right now and still have no reply from him. Ilang beses din akong tumatawag pero walang sumasagot. And that was my last hope with Raizen. I thought I could talk about this matter with him immediately, since I still care for our relationship.

Pero ano pa nga bang magagawa ko? No matter how much effort I give, I still got no response from him. I wonder, is he really that busy or he just doesn't care at all. Sabagay diba? He has Melissa Mendez there with him to entertain. Kaya bakit pa mag eeffort sa akin kung busy naman sa iba?

Huminga ako ng malalim. Somehow this is making me feel mixed emotions. Na giguilty ako sa part na hinayaan ko na ientertain ako ni Hiro habang nag dedate kami ni Raizen at the same time I feel so much relief na busy din sa ibang tao si Raizen. So I've been thinking deeply about this matter. Tinakal ko lahat at sa huli ang desisyon ko ay tuluyan ng itigil ang pakikipag date kay Raizen. Dahil ang relasyon namin dalawa ay isang bagay na walang patutunguhan.

He asked me to date him out of pity and sympathy. Siguro na awa sa akin dahil sa ginawa ng kaibigan at kabanda niya. Or might be because he's just really a womanizer. Really, I don't know why he asked out of the blue to date him. I thought it's good to give it a try. Mahirap din naman kasi 'no makahanap ng guwapo lalaki tulad ni Raizen after all.

But seriously speaking, I wouldn't mind at all. I'm broken and I just wanted someone to ease my pain. I want to forget and I wanted to be embrace by any other man out there so I could forget about Ren.

Nagkataon na si Raizen, palagi na lang siya ang dumarating sa oras na kailangan ko ng makakasama, sa oras na kailangan ko ng tulong at sa oras na kailangan ko makaramdam ng pagmamahal.

That's why there's somewhere deep inside me, I know I'm scared of letting go of Raizen. Because I know more than myself he knew me. He completely know my soul wasn't so strong for temptation. He also know I am the kind of person who is easily to be swayed away by her own feelings.

I'm scared. If Hiro will learn to know about this about myself, his feelings for me will start to fade. I have those thoughts that, Hiro thinks of me being a decent woman when I'm totally nothing but a trash.

Sino ba ang gugustuhin ang babaeng marupok? Makakita lang ng guwapo ay magpapaalila na. Makaramdam lang ng kaonting espesyal na trato sa iba, mahuhulog na agad ang loob. Who would want to keep a woman like that right? No one for sure.

At kahit na ganoon, gusto ko pa rin maranasan ang pagmamahal na pinaparamdam sa akin ngayon ni Hiro. It's so new, refreshing and too good to be true. Tuwing nandiyan siya, pakiramdam ko lumulutang ako sa ulap. Panatag ang loob at mabilis ang pintig palagi ng puso. I know, you will think that this is too early to say that this is love.

I don't even know what is this. The only thing I understand for sure that Hiro makes me smiles and really made me feel the most special woman around the universe. I haven't experienced this kind of treatment, this kind of embrace and this kind of love. I'm used for being always been the one to give the effort and love to someone. So when I met Hiro, I feel like I wanted to be much more better version of myself. Why? Because this kind of love he's showing me makes me realize that I should be someone deserving of that love.