BROKEN

chapter 30

EVERYTIME HE LEFT I DIED

I THOUGHT HE CARES IF I CRIED

SAY YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE ME AND IF YOU CAN'T STAY THEN LEAVE RIGHT NOW.

I scribbled one more of my stupid thoughts and i turned the notepad page .

I have spent three full days alone in my room . Not much interested in outside world . Lying here with my books and headphones . I realized I would be a singer if not a lawyer. 
These few days have been really beneficial for my studies . I have finished six chapters in three days,  that's quite an achievement , hopefully it  bear fruit .

GONE THE TIME I LOVED TO BE ALONE , ESPECIALLY AFTER THE WORLD HE HAS SHOWN TO MY NAKED EYES, 

I was really tired of writing those fucked up quotes and decided to break this  little process of isolation I am going through. 

I pulled out a white satin dress from back of my closet and decided to make a night out of this mess. I will definitely move in to my new house tomorrow,  promising myself the same thing for almost the tenth time I buckeled up and called les on my way .

I stopped in front of mid high bar . Its flashy  lights were flashing right to me , I wanted to go in and dance my ass off , but what I realized was not expected . Amelia and Brett were there too . It's only been a month to their wedding and what now , they are back to days of roaming in stupid bars and getting drunk . I cannot be alone anywhere , can i ?

I tried to make a move and help them ignore me by moving past them real quick , but this was the only time  it goes bad to let them caught me .

"Hey , how are you "brett asked when amelia interrupted him by asking me "leave how , where have you been  ? Hiding in your little cave , "okay,  so she's drunk too .

"Hey , why are you looking at me like that ? I am not drunk ."she squelled.  

Ya ya ,  you are not , but someone should really be ." I told myself and ordered a martini. 

It's been an hour , what changed was , i  was super drunk now . Les didn't show up , I was not  in a mood to dance . All these stupid people thinking of taking control of their life , then messing it all up and drinking on their failures , makes me wanna throw up . I decided to leave , when les entered with ...

He was as beautiful as the first day I saw him . I wanted to grab him and kiss him , wanted him to hold me , never leave me and .... . Oh my god , what is happening , I passed the cold look I have been preparing for him to les and was leaving . When les whispered something in my ear .

Jason begging me to give him another chance is not  something i will like to see. I am not that stupid bimbo  girl who makes her boyfriend beg to take him back .

"Why him ? "Starting a conversation with les , seemed an easy way to drunk eva and she started doing silly things . But don't blame me , it's not me , all her .

And the next thing we looked into , she was having her arms around a stranger and dancing like nothing can stop her .

Someone  grabbed her and kissed her , grabbing her by her arms and throwing her on his back,  out of the bar . Okay , who am I kidding , it was jason .

The last time i checked they were in his room , kissing , all over each other,. Having a little pieces of each other . Not listening to any other voice . I understood stupid Eva's action , but jason . Well, okay , I peeped out of stupid eva and she was not ready to stop . All over the place , a mess as she always is , I don't  think her virginity will be safe after tonight anymore .

I woke up in Jason's bed , checked for my clothes , there were none . Oh my god , what have I done.  That was not the thought in my mind rather I was glad it was him not somebody else after that stupid drunken night .

"I will forgive him now . "I said to myself stupidly , like this ain't a big proof that I already have .

I picked up one of his shirt from his closet  as quietly as possible, threw a belt on it ,  didn't wanted him to wake