Book 2 Season's Change Spring's Revenge

Part 13 Confusion

Katana remained where he left her sitting. She was more stunned and confused by her Stupid Human than she had ever been. She could not understand why Avriel was behaving the way he was. Why did he act that way? Was it necessary? Why did he ask for forgiveness for words he said? What words? She did not know. Why did he walk away? Was she to follow? Something inside her told her that the answer to that question was a resounding 'NO'. Whatever his reason for leaving the room his purpose was to be alone.

She struggled with that thought and found emotions she did not know she could possess or even have names for. The idea that he wanted to be where she was not hurt her more than a little. She felt her throat tightening. This confused her more than anything. She did not know where the emotions came from or how he could cause her to feel such strange things. But she knew he made her feel them. What was that stupid human doing to her? Why did she let him do it? Could she even stop him? Did she want to? No matter how hard or deeply she searched herself for them, she could not find the answers to those questions. If the answers were there, she did not see them. So, rather than sit there and remain locked in a hopeless internal battle she let the events leading up to his departure replay in her mind.

She closed her eyes and took a long, deep, steadying breath. She let it out slowly and let it take with it the things that clouded her mind. That included her Stupid Human and his strange, almost violent, reaction to what she had said earlier. She did this several times in an attempt to clear the vision of his wet eyes --tears, they were called tears-- from her mind's eye.

The vision refused to leave her in peace, but her mind cleared enough for her to focus on her memories. The day had started simple enough. They broke their fast after a long training session, then ran in the trees just to feel the air on their skin and the sound of the wind in their ears. The run turned into an outdoor training session as they flitted and chased each other like two birds zipping between the branches of the trees. They called on all of their senses except their eyes to locate one another. Kotas had learned how to use his ears, his sense of smell and his sense of touch very well. He was fully versed in the use of scent, sound, and sensation to locate her anywhere. It did not matter if they were in their cave, the boughs of their trees or on the fields below them. He always found her. It was as if he had an innate ability to sense her.

He had also grown quite adept at hiding in every environment they encountered. Unless he chose to be heard, his movement had become imperceptible. He had learned how to use his surroundings to mask his own scent and discovered how to move with the current of the wind so as to not disrupt its flow. He was a most impressive human. What he learned in the short time they had spent together would take a Drow years to master, yet he mastered it. Until she met Avriel she thought all humans were stupid, brutal, incapable of learning, clumsy in all of their ways, stinky, short-sighted, small-minded, ugly beings. He was not stupid. He learned faster than any male she had ever encountered or trained. He did not stink, likely because he bathed every day. His mind seemed as vast as the stars above. He was far from clumsy in the ways she knew him. He moved with fluid, easy grace and speed she had only ever seen an elf possess and there was absolutely nothing ugly about him. He was graceful, elegant, handsome and very intelligent. He knew things she could not fathom.

On the occasion they walked the Forrest's floor, he left no trace of his passing. Not even when he ran. This she did not teach him. He just seemed to know how to do it. She called up an image of his eyes, so bright and clear in the filtered sunlight the day she inquired about that. His reply, if you could call a shrug a reply, only served to confuse her more. He seemed to do that to her quite often. A bit too often. Even in her memories, he distracted and confused her.

She took another deep breath and tried again to redirect her thoughts back to earlier that day. By the time they were done running around and chasing each other through the trees, he had captured her at least three times. She only caught him once out of several attempts, and they were both hungry again. They returned to their cave and cooked while they talked. She couldn't remember what they talked about, just that the conversation was pleasant and light. He smiled. She smiled. They laughed as they prepared then ate a small meal. His cheeks changed color on several occasions. His eyes took on a light of their own when they did. That made her smile.

But then something in him changed when they started talking about the brigand. His eyes grew dark, cold, and distant. They lost all of their blue, and most of their green, leaving them a brownish color she discovered made her feel sad and her heart hurt. His eyes lost their shine and soft edges which made her feel something else entirely. The line of his mouth straightened. The corners did not turn up again. His cheeks changed color. In fact, his whole face did. Then when she mentioned her idea, he fell silent for a moment and looked away from her. When he turned his face up so she could see it, his eyes had hardened, the line of his mouth straightened more, then turned into a grimace as he actually leered at her. She felt his anger lash out at her then recede from her, yet it remained an entity all its own in the room with them. Coming off him in waves, his fury was palpable and real. She did not understand his anger. She could see his veins on his forehead and neck. His nose flared and he stumbled over his words as he tried to form them. Then "NO" came out of his mouth and he started shaking his head. His expression changed again. His shoulders slumped, his eyes softened and filled with tears. His face returned to its normal color, but his eyes remain that sad, sad brown.

Her idea: it had upset him on a level she did not understand. But it was clear to her that at first, it was the source of his anger, then fear. Everything changed when she made her suggestion for capturing the brigand. Everything. He said words. Words he clearly thought he should not have, but she did not know what those words were or why he should not have said them. What did he say? She tried so hard to remember what he had said, but his reaction to her made her stop listening to him. He was angry but calm until he had said the words he regretted saying. She squeezed her eyes tightly and tried to focus past watching his tears fall. It was very hard for her to do that. His tears pulled hard at her heart and made it impossible for her to concentrate.

All she was left with was, why? Why did his tears make her heart hurt? Why did he get so angry with her? Why did he get so angry with himself over words he thought he should not have said? Why should he not have said them? What were the words?

She was still lost in her memories and confusion when her Stupid Human returned to the room. He made noise as he entered and gently called her name. She opened her eyes to acknowledge him. "You confuse me Stupid Human."

"I confuse me too."