Something Gained

Life is weird

              Cam picked me up and brought me up to my bed. I didn't say anything. I was just numb. I had no idea what even just fucking happened. How he could go from being so sweet and caring, to a cold heartless asshole. Was there something wrong with me that this happened. Who was Lana?  Cam laid me in bed and kisses my forehead. He excused himself out and I heard him make a very angry phone call. I didn't catch much but I heard him say James' name. I just curled up in a ball and went to sleep. I was over today.
                The next morning I groaned as I woke up. I felt arms around me. I looked and saw Cam sleeping next to me, holding me. I just sighed. I didn't want to be touched. For some reason I just felt depressed and sad today. Did James really have that much of an impact on me? I got ready for school. I didn't say much and Cam didn't pry. He knew I was upset. And he knew not to push. We parted ways. That's when I saw him. He was with some girl. He was ignoring her at first until he saw me standing there. He grabbed her and started kissing her in front of me! It hurt and I don't get why it hurt me. I stormed off. I looked back and he went back to ignoring the girl he was with.
            I went to go sit outside. Today was my short day. So I was done with my classes but I needed to make up what I missed yesterday. I was lost in my thoughts when Cam joined me. I weakly smiled at him. He sat down and took my hand. "Hey Angel. How are you holding up? He asked. "I'm not really sure. I saw James with some girl. He was ignoring her until he saw me, then he just kissed her." I said softly. Cam just sighed and held me. "That's Lana. His girlfriend now I guess or until he gets bored. Or he's done making someone jealous. That's usually how it works." I sat there in horror and disbelief. " She just goes along with it like a fucking puppet? " I said with disgust. " Yep. She thinks it's normal." Cam replied.
                 We sat there in silence for a bit. Cam clears his throat to get my attention, I just as he does. I blush realizing I was in my own little world. "Sorry" I mumbled. Cam chuckled and held me closer. "Angel, would you like to go out on a date with me? I know I have awful timing because of your feelings for my idiot brother." He said.  I tuck my hair behind my ear,I bite my lip as I spoke "I'd love too. It's just.      not James I have feelings for you know? I have feelings for you too. " Cam just smiled at me. "Yea I know you do. I understand this is hard for you. I'm okay with you using me to make James jealous. As long as give me a chance too." He said.
              I was puzzled as to why he was okay with it. I think he could tell. We made eye contact and I spoke softly "Why would you be okay with that?"  " James has never been in love before unless you count himself. I think he might be falling for you. And I think that scares him to give himself away like that to someone. Since he's never done it before. So he pushed you away, makes you jealous just so he can hide his feelings and pretend it's not happening." I'm sitting there in disbelief. " I don't believe he's never been in love before. Everyone has been." I say. Cam shakes his head at me. " Not James, he's the one who avoids feelings at any cost. I think you'd change that for him and that scares him. So,this how he handles it."
         I've never heard of anyone not being in love. Cam and I sat there in silence. I was trying to gather my thoughts. I did have feelings for them both. It's such a weird feeling that idk what I'm doing anymore. I saw James coming with Lana. I grabbed Cam and started kissing him, knowing James can see it. I hear James curse and then storm off. Whoa I just made him jealous. I felt using Cam like that. I cried a little bit.