Something Gained

Time jump

Time went by fast, it's been a few months now. Ella and Neo broke up. Sin up and left with no word. He quit his job. I thought maybe James scared him off but he told me that he didn't. James and I have been getting closer. We weren't dating but we weren't just friends either. We spent a lot of time together. We fucked a lot too. We were all very close like at the start of things. Things were okay or at least I thought they were.

One night, James and I were just hanging out. I could tell that he wasn't okay. "babe, I can sense your hesitation and frustration from over here. Are you okay?" I asked as I looked at James. He just held me closer. "I'm fine Jewels. I just need to relax or something." He said. I wasn't really convinced by it. I could tell that he wasn't okay. I know him very well and I know when he's keeping something from me."I could give you a blow job. Those always make you feel better." I said. He just shook his head no.

We went to bed like we always do. I woke up the next morning to an empty bed. I text Ella.
Me: Did you hear from James? I woke up and he's gone.
Ella: No I haven't. Let me text him and I'll get back to you unless you hear from before I do.
I go about my day as I normally do, but today is an extra hard day because I feel lost, and confused. I replayed everything in my head. I didn't understand why this was happening. Where did I go so wrong that he just up and left me. I felt funny this morning, I went up vomiting as soon as I got home. That's been happening a lot during the mornings. I decided to go test.

This was the longest wait to see if the stick was negative or positive. I had a feeling it was going to be positive but I was hoping it would be negative. I could feel the nervousness in my stomach as I saw the double line. Fuck I'm pregnant. I clutch my stomach and think. Oh god I'm gonna be a mom. James is gonna be a daddy. I sit down to process through this all. I hear my phone go off but I just sit there. I'm not sure how long time had passed. I heard Ella come upstairs. She looked at me and sat down by me. "are you okay?" She asked. I shook my head no and I hand her my pregnancy test. Her eyes grew wide. "I'm pregnant Ella and James is the father." I said quietly. We just sat there quietly.

I'm a mix of emotions with James departure. I'm hurt, I'm angry, I'm sad. I feel lost and unsure of everything in life right now. My life suddenly became so empty. I never knew how much I needed him until he left. Now I'd give up everything to have him back, to feel his kiss , to feel his embrace. I let the tears fall as I sit here and cry. I hold my stomach as it hits me our baby is in there. I love James with every ounce of my being.

        I've had Cam and Ella ask me how I'm feeling. Honestly I'm not sure. My feelings and emotions are all over the place. I'm hormonal from being pregnant. Emotional from James being gone. It hurts so much. I miss hearing him call me Jewels. I miss him being weird and difficult. I miss our time together. I'd do anything for him to come home to me. To our baby. The tears fell as my heart breaks.  The only way I'm gonna feel hole is having him come back. All of his stuff was still here. I put one of his shirts on. I crawled in bed and whispered I love you as I curled up and fell asleep.