Breathing Your Love

Chapter 17: "I'm so sorry..."

"Baby? Your bath is ready.." I mumbled to Justin, who was sitting on the bed completely naked. He nodded and stood up before walking into the bathroom with me. He walked over to the tub and slowly sank down into the water, letting out a little moan as he did so. "You're not getting in?" He asked as I sat beside the tub. I shook my head before laying it on the side of the tub. "Nope. Because as soon as my clothes come off, you turn into a horny little fucker and you need to relax." I replied. He chuckled and reached over to grab my hand. "Thank you for this." He whispered. "I already feel better." He added. "You deserve it." I replied.

"So.. How come you never talk about your parents?" I asked quietly while rubbing the back of his hand. "They live in Canada so I don't really hear much from them. I try to talk to my brother and sister at least once a week." He mumbled. "How long has it been since you've seen them?" I asked. "Mmm.. About 8 months, I think? My parents got divorced when I was just little, but I think deep down they'll really always love each other." He smiled. "They still talk a ton. I know that my dad know's he fucked up, but he's already fallen in love with Erin. My brother and sister's mom. Still, Jaxon and Jazzy are like my mom's step kids in a way. We're all just extremely close." He smiled. I nodded. "You should go visit them soon. Take some time to relax."

He shrugged. "I guess I could. It's just a lot of travel and all. I do miss my family though. And I want you to meet them." He mumbled. I smiled. "You want me to meet them?.." I asked quietly. He smiled and nodded. "Yeah, of course. I'll introduce you as my girlfriend. Tell them that you live with your aunt or uncle or something and that I met you at one of my business dinners." He nodded. "Girlfriend?" I giggled. He smiled and turned his head to mine. "I mean.. I was thinking somewhere along the lines of that, yeah." He whispered. I nodded in a agreement. "Yes. That sounds lovely.." I smiled. He chuckled before leaning over and gently kissing me.

"You think your family will like me?" I asked. "Are you kidding me? They'll love you. It's impossible not to love you. You're like this cute little ball of happiness and just pure joy when you're around other people." He replied. "What am I when we're alone then?" I asked. "Then you're passion. Feelings. Romantic." He smiled. "Around other people you're strong. You're the tough guy." I replied with a giggle. "With me.. You're a softy. You spoil me and you loooove me." I sang. He chuckled and nodded. "Guilty." He mumbled. "But I love you either way. My tough guy and my softy." I smiled and rubbed his cheek with my thumb. "I don't like being known as a softy but... I can't help it around you. You give me butterflies and make me blush. You make me blush." He said and shook his head. "No one has ever had that effect on me."

"I feel like I've known you my entire life. Like.. I don't know. I was happy before I suppose, but I'm so much happier now that I'm with you." I whispered. He smiled. "Do you uh.. Do you want to tell me the full story of what happened to your parents?" He asked. "I've just been sort of confused about it all. I don't understand how you went through something like that so young.." I nodded in understanding. "It was.. still is.. extremely hard.." I felt tears already coming to my eyes.

"I was staying at my grandma's house the night it happened. She had been sick for a while and so I was sort of taking care of her. I talked to my mom and told her that I love her on the phone and we talked about how the next day we could go and do something together. Go shopping or something.." I gulped and took a deep breath. "That night I woke up to my phone ringing, around about 3 am. It was my best friend that lived next door to me. She told me that my house was on fire and that everyone was swarming around my house, but she couldn't find my parents. So I just ran. I ran as fast as I could to my house, which was like 10 minutes away."

I took a little break, letting myself calm down. "When I got there, I looked everywhere for my mom and dad. I didn't even look at my house. I finally found a fire fighter and told him who I was and his face just.. I don't know. He went pale. He couldn't look me in the eyes and he stuttered with almost every word. I kept just yelling.. Begging someone to help me find my parents. Then I finally looked at the house." I felt him gently kiss my knuckles.

"When I looked over.. The house was just... Gone." I whispered. "I mean, there was nothing other than a giant pile of ashes." I felt a tear slip down my cheek, but I quickly wiped it away. "My parents never made it out. I guess the fire must have started in their bedroom or something. My mom had a habit of forgetting to blow out candles. We only had smoke alarms downstairs, so by time they realized it, it was probably too late." I added. I felt more tears fall, but I didn't bother to wipe them away.

"To this day.. I just wish that I would have said something more when I was on the phone with my mom. I wish I would have asked to tell my dad goodnight. I wish I would have been there because honestly.. When they died, I died too. I'm still here, but I died that night. I lost my parents, the two most important people in the world to me. They were all I had and all the sudden, my world was gone. Before I knew it, I was thrown in a foster home. My grandma was too sick to take care of me. She died almost a week later."

I took a deep breath and wiped my face. "I just miss them so much.." I sobbed and hid my face in my hands. "I don't know what I ever did to deserve losing both of my parents. I just wish that I was there that night. I could have done something, maybe I would have smelled the smoke I just-" "No, Hannah. Don't do that.." He whispered. "There's nothing that you could have done. I can't imagine what you went through, but blaming yourself isn't going to do anything. Your parents knew that you loved them, and I'm sure that they loved you so much more. They brought this.. This perfect, beautiful, smart, amazing girl into the world.. I can only imagine how proud they were." He replied.

I scoffed and shook my head. "Proud? I dropped out of school at 15 because I could barely get myself out of bed. I tried-" I stopped myself from saying anything else. "Tried what?.." He asked. I quickly glanced over at him before shaking my head. "Nothing, I just.. Come on, the water's getting cold." I stood up and grabbed him a towel. He stood up and wrapped the towel around his waist before following me into the room. "Hannah." He grabbed my arm. "It's me." He whispered and shook his head. "I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. Tell me." I took a deep breath before closing my eyes, not wanting to see the disappointed look on his face. "I tried to kill myself." I whispered, feeling my eyes well up again. "How?..."

I lifted my sleeve, showing Justin the three long scars that laid across my wrist. "I slit my wrist then went to sleep." I whispered. "When I woke up, I was in the hospital. Completely alone." I cried, feeling more tears fall. "I tried to kill myself and I still had no one there." I whispered, shaking my head. "But yeah.. I'm here. I'm okay now." I finally looked up at him, surprised as I saw a tear rolling down his cheek. "Justin, no don't-" "I'm so sorry.." He whispered and pulled me into him. "You're never going to feel like that again, okay? Ever.."