Chain of Iron

Chapter Four

"You went and saw Grace?" Thomas' eyes widened in surprise.

The Merry Thieves all sat in the upstairs of the Devil Tavern and Matthew was trying not to lose his temper with James at what he had just told them. So that was who had really sent the note yesterday afternoon when they had been in the training room. He felt betrayed that James had lied to him but could not say anything as Matthew himself lied to his Parabatai every time he asked him if he was okay.

"Really, James, did you honestly think that that was a good idea?" Matthew's voice dripped with sarcasm.

"What did she say to you?" Christopher, who was writing notes about his latest experiment in his black notebook, asked.

James sighed as he ran his hand through his black hair. "She asked if I would still want her when my year long marriage with Cordelia is over."

"And what did you say?" Thomas pressed.

"I said that I would. I will always want Grace." James told them.

Matthew groaned and covered his face with his hands. Just when he had thought James was over that monster of a girl, he suddenly was more in love with her than ever. Grace was beautiful, Matthew would admit, but on the inside he knew that she had a heart of stone.

"What about Cordelia? I do not believe she would be happy if she knew you were still seeing Grace." Thomas pointed out. "It could ruin your whole fake marriage if someone saw you with Grace."

At the sound of her name, an image of Cordelia wearing the bronze dress at the Hell Ruelle came into Matthew's mind and made him feel a bit dizzy. The way her body had felt against his when they had been dancing at her James' engagement party came next and Matthew pushed it from his mind. This was how it always went when someone mentioned Cordelia or when he saw her. He became sick. Sick with love, which only made him sicker. He had tried to avoid her ever since that party, when it really became clear to him how he felt about her. Matthew had never felt this strongly about anyone before.

"Please do not make me feel guilty, Tom." James squeezed his eyes shut. "It was once and now it will never happen again. I only wanted to see Grace one more time."

Matthew hoped that this was true but he could tell that James was lying. Although he felt so strongly about Cordelia, a part of him wanted to see James happy with her. He knew that this was the side of him that wanted to see James happy even if it meant sacrificing his own happiness. Matthew knew this was what it meant to be Parabatai.

"What is it like being in love?" Christopher suddenly asked, still scrawling away in his notebook.

Painful. Beautiful. All consuming. It is like every time you see them you come up for air after being held underwater for so long.

Matthew could not help the words that jumped into his mind, but instead of saying them aloud, he only pulled out his silver flask of brandy and took a large sip.

"It is indescribable." James stated, looking a million miles away. "Every time I see her, I feel as if a missing piece of my body is coming back to me after being gone for so long."

Matthew looked up at James. "Will you really marry her after you and Cordelia are divorced?"

"I plan to but anything can happen within a span of a year." Worry crossed James' sharp face. "But I will wait for Grace no matter how long it takes."

Matthew knew that even when James and Cordelia did end their marriage, there would be no hope for him and Cordelia. He could never allow someone to love him; not after what he had done to his own mother. Matthew also did not believe that Cordelia would ever see him in that way. It seemed that all roads led to Matthew being alone. Good, he thought, I deserve it. Matthew looked at James and wondered why he had not told him about his feelings for Cordelia -- why he had not told him about so many of the things that plagued him. He was afraid, he knew, of what James would say about him if he knew the truth about what he had done.

Thomas sighed. "Just be careful, Jamie. Grace does not seem like she has a gentle heart."

But James was not listening, Matthew could tell. He was too busy looking out of the window, seeming lost in thought. Oh, James, Matthew thought to himself, what is swirling about in that head of yours? Sometimes his Parabatai was so hard to reach and Matthew wanted nothing more than to be able to follow where he went.

* * *

Matthew found himself stumbling up the steps to his front door late that night, quite drunk. He had left the Merry Thieves at the Devil Tavern a while ago and found himself wandering about London and drinking out of his silver flask. He had stopped at Blackfriars Bridge, stared down at the water, and finally acknowledged how unhappy he truly was. It seemed that no matter what happened in his life, the weight of what he done to his mother never left him. Matthew knew he ought to tell someone but he knew he would not be able to handle the disgust that would appear in their eyes.

He opened the front doors to his house as quietly as he could and slipped inside. It was dark inside the main hall and Matthew thanked the Angel that everyone was asleep. His gratefulness did not last long, however, when he reached the dining room and saw that his mother and Charles were both awake and were bent over a stack of papers. Charlotte looked up at her youngest son at once, a scowl on her small face.

"And just where have you been?" She demanded.

"With James." Matthew replied casually, trying to seem steady on his feet.

"You are fooling no one, Matthew. I can smell the brandy on you from here." Charles rolled his eyes, exasperated.

Matthew narrowed his eyes at his brother. He could always leave it to Charles to snitch him out to their mother. Matthew often found himself wishing he had a sibling relationship like James and Lucie's; they always supported one another no matter what.

Charlotte sighed, half in anger and half in disappointment. "I wish you would not lie to me, Matty, and I also wish that you would stop drinking so heavily. Is there something that plagues you? I will try to fix it, whatever it is."

In that moment, Matthew wanted nothing more than to tell his mother what troubled him. Wanted nothing more than to feel the comfort only his mother was able to give but he knew he could not tell her.

"I am perfectly fine, Mother." Matthew declared and then changed the subject. "What is all of this mess on the table?"

"I have to fill out many official documents saying that I imprison Tatiana Blackthorn to the Adamant Citadel." Charlotte explained, looking tired. "It seems like the work never seems to end."

"I will finish it for you, Mother." Charles said at once.

Matthew rolled his eyes. Charles was always trying to suck up to their mother as he hoped that one day she might make him the next Consul. For as long as Matthew could remember, being Consul was all Charles had ever wanted and he knew his brother would stop at nothing to get it.

"Thank you, my sweet." Charlotte smiled warmly and then turned that smile to her other son. "Matthew, tomorrow night we will be hosting an engagement party for Charles and Grace. I expect you to be on your best behaviour and for you to be sober."

Matthew only mumbled a "yes, Mother" and then took leave to his bedroom. Another engagement party? Matthew was already dreading it. Charles would be gallivanting around the room still trying to take credit for stopping the demon attacks and Grace would be trying to corrupt James more than she already had. There was only one aspect of the party that Matthew found himself looking forward to; it was the prospect of getting to dance with Cordelia again.

* * *

Billy Vandendooren as Matthew Fairchild.