Loved For Once (Levi x Reader)

•Chapter Sixteen•

Levi opened the door and went to the side, allowing me to go in. I was quite surprised, if I'm being honest. He really has a heart. Those stories in the magazines are just made up.

..And I actually believed them.

I heard him close the door. He then passed me and walked to his desk. He sat down in his chair and got comfortable. "This is a formal event. Later, you can go to the uniform shop to get the clothes. Carla has them ready." Levi then gets out a file. "I'm guessing you already have yours?" I ask, not thinking too much into it. "Correct. Take this file and scan it. You may bring it to your office." He hands me the file and I take it.

"You are dismissed." He waves his hand. I make my way to the door. Before I open the door, I hear him get up from his chair. I turn around and see him walk over to me. "It's okay if you don't want to go on this job. I mean, I'm not forcing you..I—" I smile at him, making him look away from me. "I promise I'll be okay. Don't you worry." I assure him. He then puts his hand on my shoulder. I look up at him, confused.

Does he really have feelings for me? What if Armin and Hange are right about what he thinks of me? I mean..if they said he hasn't acted like this before then..

(Edit: I decided to change his height. He is 5'6, not 6'0. (Y/N) is..ur height)

"We need you alive, (Y/N). If you die, the Mafia is screwed." He tells me.

Oh okay. And I thought he was a decent guy. What a joke.

Why the hell would I think that he wasn't self centered. That selfish bastard only needs me for my skill. I thought he thought of me as a good person. Something more than a doctor. I suppose I thought wrong. "Is that all you think of me? Just another member of your organization?" I ask in a whisper. Levi looks at me confused, then his face goes back emotionless.

"Are those rumors really getting to you, (Y/N)?" Levi asks, stone cold as usual. I don't know what to say. Of course he knows about the rumors about him and I. He talks to Hange everyday for crying out loud. My smile disappeared, but I still looked at him dead in the eyes. "Who knows." I say. I turn to the door and leave, leaving Levi by himself.

Why do I feel..sad? My heart hurts really bad. Am I dying? Surely not, you're overreacting, (Y/N).

I arrive at my office and slam the door behind me. I throw the files at my desk, which landed on the floor. I sat in my rolling chair and laid my head down and sighed.

This sucks. If I didn't get kidnapped, then I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't feel like shit. I would be somewhat happy and not fall for that stupid man!

You're gonna end up on the streets like a homeless person!

I reached the drawer that contained that contained the surgical instruments/equipment. I reached for sharpest scissors I could find.

If you just left for good no one would notice.

Maybe they're right. Maybe all those dreams from my past is telling me something. Telling me to move on and just..end it.

I looked at the scissors once more. I slowly went for my wrist. But then there was a knock at the door. I quickly put the scissors back in the drawer and closed it. I then went over to the door and opened it.

"What's up, Armin?" I smile.

I see his eyes widen. "(Y/N) why are you crying?! You look terrible!" He quickly slides in the room and closes the door. "I was..watching a sad puppy video. You know..those are always.." I stopped talking, knowing that he wasn't buying it.

That's when I started crying harder. "Life is hard..being here is..so painful." I try to avoid the truth, but half of that was the truth. It was painful being here.

"I know..you have to get used to it, I guess." He then looks at my arm. "Why is there a red mark on your wrist?" He asks. I guess I was gripping my wrist too hard. No matter, I'll just— "(Y/N)! We're you trying to..it isn't like you to..tell me the truth or I'm getting Levi in here!" Armin gets up, telling me he isn't joking.

"No—please! Don't get Levi! Anyone but him.." I grab Armin's arm, pulling him back. "Why not?! Is this because of him?" He asks me, pinching my arm, making me let go of his arm. "I uh.." I didn't know what to say. It was about him, but I didn't want to say anything. I finally gave in, having no other choice but to confess.

"I kinda..got butt hurt." I muttered. Armin raises an eyebrow and tilts his head in confusion. "..because he told me that he needed me as a doctor. He only cares about my skills as a doctor. Nothing else." I didn't care anymore. I had to say it.

"He's a self centered jerk!" I tell Armin, who just nods in response. "Did the rumors get to you, (Y/N)? I'm sorry.." he apologizes.

My face feels numb from crying so much. My tears resembled so many emotions. Mostly fear..fear that I've fallen for the man that I shouldn't have fallen for.  I was also angry. Angry at myself for thinking I had a chance and angry at Levi for being such a jerk. Sad because I was disappointed in myself.

He has every right to reject me. I know that.

But he didn't reject me. But it felt ten times worse than a rejection. I'm such a fool.

Stupid! Idiot. No one likes you. Loser!

After that thought, I quickly go to the drawer and grab the scissors. "(Y/N), don't do this!" Armin reaches his hand out.

"But..I'm an idiot, aren't I?" I press the scissors softly on my skin. Not piercing it yet.

Numb tears are always an old friend.