Loved For Once (Levi x Reader)

•Chapter Forty-one•

I want to defend myself. I want to fight without help. I want to be independent, not wanting to get in anyone's way. I'll prove that I'm not some woman. I'll kill Kenny. I'll fight until it's over.

Until everyone safe.

"You can't tell anyone we met up, okay?" Mikasa then puts her hand over her heart and smiles, "Of course, (Y/N)." I smile at her and get in fighting position.

I've been training with Mikasa secretly. Levi thinks that she's at Carla's but she made sure to tell Carla to lie if he asked. "You're getting better, (Y/N). You're a natural, I guess." She complements me. I bow out of instinct.

"Ah, sorry. It's a way to show respect in Japan." I explained. "Oh, then thank you." She pulled a strand of hair out of her face and got back into fighting position.

"So, why do you want to continue to fight?" She asked me. To be safe. To not worry that I might not die in my sleep. "I just want to be prepared. Who knows what's gonna happen to me, ya know?" That wasn't a lie. It is true I want to prepare for the worst, but I'm not telling her anything else.

"Wow, you're good with the knife." She sounded surprised.

...

'That's how you cut a carrot. Now you try it.'

I remember when my father taught me to use a knife properly. Well, with food, of course. He was an amazing cook. Good with the knife.

'Don't grip it to hard. You'll hurt yourself that way.'

Those skills were useful for many things.

'Piece of shit! Come here!'

I once defended myself with knife. My mother was very hostile that day, I had no choice to threaten her with a knife. I of course didn't touch her, I just shakily pointed it at her, telling her to back off.

She got the memo.

'Threatening your mother with a knife? I'm all you have, you ungrateful brat! If you killed me you would hate yourself!'

I knew in my heart that I wouldn't. The reason why I would regret it is because it's not right. It's not right to kill. But this, this was an exception.

I made dinner every night. It was all for my mother. I hardly had any. I was very skinny at the point people started to bully me because of it. It was another reason to pick on me.

'Ungrateful brat.' She would yell at me every time I reached for some food. 'You're fat. Stop eating you slut.' She would say.

I hope she's burning in hell.

She would come home every night drunk. One time, she hit me with a glass bottle, causing me to bleed.

'Help my daughter!'

She would lie to the police and doctors every time. She didn't care. She never did.

'How did this happen, ma'am?"

The police would ask. She never told her truth. She knew if she did she would be sent to jail.

'She tripped.'

Liar.
Liar.
ℓ!ᾰԻ..

I used a knife all the time. You don't know how many times I used a knife to cut myself. Everyday I would cut. They told me to.

'Cut yourself and bleed to death. No one will miss you. Your dad is dead and your mother thinks your a disappointment. Kill yourself!'

Kill yourself, (Y/N).
End it.
Destroy it.
Rest In Peace.
Don't worry, no one will miss you.
You slut.

She was the slut. At the time, I was a virgin. Every night she would come home with a beer in hand. Her dress would be messy and she would touch herself.

I heard it.
I heard the disgusting noises of that slut.

She would bring random people home.

'Sweetie, were going to be in my room.'

'Sweetie'

That disgusting person people call my mother would lie to everyone. Sweetie? She never called me that. She called me a slut when she was the slut. She was the ungrateful hoe. She was the one banging every man she saw.

She was the bitch.

But what could of I done at the time? I was a teen. A girl that only had her abusive mother as support.

'Run away.'

I couldn't. I was locked in my room with my doors barricaded. It was like we were preparing for a hurricane.

No. Your wrong. She was preparing for me to stay locked in forever. And ever..and ever.

I lost everything when my father passed. He was the only one I had. The only one the protected me from the dangerous things in the world.

'Hey dad? You're my super hero!'

He smiled. When he smiled, it gave me a happy feeling. The feeling of being loved.

I miss you so much. Why did you have to leave me? Why did the world take you away from me?

Why....

-

"I'm back." Mikasa called out. "Welcome back." Levi stood there, leaning on his side on the wall. His arms were crossed and his eyes were emotionless. "What is it?"she asked.

"What took you so long?" He asked. Mikasa then knew he was suspicious. "Carla was talking quite a lot today. She has no one to talk to after all." She lied. Levi then sighed and walked towards her. "If I find out you were lying, there will be a consequence." He then walked away.

"You've changed." Mikasa muttered, hoping that he hadn't heard it.

Levi changed. He hated the fact that he needed her to function. He couldn't even speak her name. He was heartbroken. Then again, he was the one that messed up.

He was at fault.

"You idiot!'

It hurt him so bad. Even so, he hid it. He was the leader of the back. The one people fear but respect. He needed to stay strong. He needed to pull through. He didn't need some woman to live and function.

At least, that's what he wanted to believe.

But he couldn't.