How Many dudes you know roll like me? Not many, if any

39 How many dudes you know roll like me? Not many, if any

Merry Christmas ya'll!

Super late but better late than never aye!

Enjoy...

Katary

x

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I can’t believe what just happened.

It was gone, taken away by the boy who makes me feel so ridiculously stupid.

And here he was, lying next to me, his hand entwined with mine, like it was nothing. I blushed at the movements that only happened just minutes ago.

Damien started laughing. I looked over and he looked so freaking happy I was kinda shocked.

‘What?’ I asked him when he finally quietened down.

‘Nothing.’

That really irks me when people do that. Like when they read something and then they laugh, and you ask them why and they just say nothing. What the hell? Don’t make a spectacle about it then if you’re not going to share I say.

The silence becomes awkward but I had nothing to say to fill the space.

Suddenly I hear a car pull in and realise it’s probably someone coming home. And they’ll definitely know that Damien’s here with me.

‘Oh shit.’ I murmur and notice Damien stirring beside me.

‘Someone coming?’ he asks. I only nod in response as I try and get out of the bed and get my clothes on as quickly and shamelessly as possible.

Damien does the same while I run to the bathroom just as I hear the house door slam shut.

I tie my hair up in a topknot and walk out to see Damien standing in the middle of room looking a little… flustered.

‘Come with me.’ I tell him, finding it hard to look him in the eyes as I walk out into the corridor to meet whoever’s home.

I look in the kitchen first, knowing that that’s pretty much where everyone in my house goes first when they get home.

I walk in to see J and Ben bursting a bag of nacho chips open and diving into them. Now it’s time for me to act as normal as possible.

‘Yo.’ I say and they both just give me the eyebrow lift, not even looking up.

Is it normal for me to be this uncomfortable right now? I don’t know what ‘acting normal’ entails anymore. What am I supposed to say now? Do I usually come down the stairs when the boys come home and say hi? I’m sure I don’t even bother, shit. I just made this look a little weird and now I’ve been standing here totally ignoring Damien’s presence.

Thankfully Damien manages to intervene in my thoughts by walking past me to say hi to the boys. I feel myself being a bit of a nuisance just standing around, so I walk back to my room.

The gravity of the situation at hand finally topples onto me.

My hands find my face as my heart pounds loudly in my chest. I feel like I want to cry but it’s like the water’s disappeared from my body. My eyes are dry and so is my mouth.

Why did I let ‘it’ happen?

How could I?

And now that it’s over what should I do with myself?

There’s a million questions racing through my mind and I can’t slow down to find the answer to any of them.

I know one thing’s for sure. Ma is not going to be happy about this. I mean, she won’t get mad at me, but I know she’ll be disappointed. And that’s so much worse.

And the funny thing is, is that it was not what I expected. Not at all.

I don’t know what I did expect; I mean how can you when it’s never happened? You can watch all kinds of movies and television programmes and all they do is glamorize it. It is nothing like the movies. It was a weird experience.

And I feel slightly violated. Not in a ‘he forced it on me’ violated, but my body’s been mine for as long as I’ve been alive, and now I’ve shared it with someone else.

God I hope he doesn’t tell anyone. I pray for it so much. I don’t want people to look at me the way I’ve seen people look at others. It’s not a very nice look. And Damien’s fans will certainly make sure I get the glare at all times.

But I can’t tell someone and expect him to not tell anyone, that’s just being hypocritical.  Well, I couldn’t just not tell anyone and no one will have to know. That sounds good, but I don’t think I could hide this huge experience from Jules and Ma.

Man, I really need to talk to Damien right now but then again I really don’t want to talk to him at all. I can smell the embarrassment seeping from my pores. How can I face anyone ever again?

And I feel really dirty. I really want to have a shower. I wonder if Damien won’t mind if I just have a quick one. It will at least give me more time to think a little more about the situation I’m in.

Someone starts to knock quietly on the door.

‘Come in.’ I say as I turn to face whoever it is.