Confessions of an Ordinary ME

Chapter 19

As I watched him passed by me, the judges and the director arrived and started immediately. I glanced at the audiences looking for Gabbie; she was already looking at me when I found her. 

"Good luck." She mouthed. I took a deep breath and went at the back. The people auditioning today was a lot more compared to yesterday. When I said waiting for the results were nerve wrecking, I realized this was so much more than that. I could feel my knees softening, my chest compressing, and I'm afraid that my voice might shake.

"Good morning everyone. I'd like all of you to sit here in the audience seats as you wait for your turn. When your name is called, only then you carefully get on stage." 

We slowly walked our way to the seats in the front row. Everyone sat in the first two rows, except for him. He was sitting far off to almost the end of the row, closest to the stairs. 

"Alright we'll call on the first person. The orchestral band is here, you may seek for their help, and you are also free to use the instruments available on stage. If you brought your own, you're also allowed to use it-- 

Joseph Kale Hart." 

After the name was called, we all looked around to see who it was - and it was him. 'Joseph' I repeated to myself. He went straight to the piano and from then on, I became curious of who he is. Why am I like this? I know I love Mikhail, but why do I keep thinking that he was him? This Joseph is nothing like Mikhail. And probably Mikhail is a better singer. 

He started slow and then escalated quickly as if his emotions flowed in uncontrollably. It was like he was telling a story through a song, like he was speaking using melodies and rhyming words. I assumed everyone felt overwhelmed; we were all speechless for a moment. Indeed he was better than Mikhail. 

Wait what?! No he's not better than Mikhail, not even close. He's just a little ahead by expressing so much emotion in the way he sings. 

He stood at the center of the stage, waited patiently for a comment. 

"Excellent Mr Hart." The director commented. Then he coldly walked back to his seat. People after people he seemed to have lost interest to further stay and listen. From his performance, I have finally made up my mind - I know what I'm going to sing now. 

I've been pondering for too long and did not realized that everyone else had performed. Obviously, I'm the last person to sing. I was partially thankful for not paying much attention cause I won't have to be pressured by the performance of the person before me.

"Vaugn Aislinn Shea." My heart stopped.

"I'd like to be called Hope if that's alright." I said as soon as I took my spot in the center of the stage. It was actually an excuse to sound-check myself whether what tone and volume I'll be using. 

"Alright Hope. You may start when you're ready." I would need the help of the band, so I walked slowly to the edge of the stage to give them my piece. I borrowed a guitar and a helper gave me a stool. From then on, I re-lived the moment - that moment when I sang with him on stage. He also took a stool for me. I closed my eyes, imagined he was with me, and I sang.

I still remember the look on your face
Lit through the darkness at 1:58
The words that you whispered
For just us to know
You told me you loved me
So why did you go
Away, away...

I do recall now
The smell of the rain
Fresh on the pavement
I ran off the plane
That July ninth
The beat of your heart
It jumps through your shirt
I can still feel your arms

But now I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is
I don't know how to be something you missed
Never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips...

I composed it sometime after I realized I'd never see him again, when I finally accepted the fact that what we had was forbidden love.

 You know when you're on a trip to find love, you get to define the different types of love. There was fake love, the one I had with Ethan. Then there's forbidden love, the one with Mikhail. I don't even know if these really do exist or it only happens to me. 

I really did remember that night he climbed to my balcony at 1:58. I remembered it all - those words he whispered and that kiss. Who would have thought that that was our last kiss.I always say I couldn't imagine that things would actually fall into place; but now, I can't believed we had to end like that. 

I know to myself, that there would always be a little part of me that would always belong to him - always. 

"Is that an original Hope?" The director asked. 

"Yes ma'am it is." 

"I wondered for a moment how could you sing such an emotional song, without failing to express them and hitting all the right tones at the same time."

"I always try communicating what I feel when I sing." 

"Then I hope you have moved on from that heart break, because you're accepted. Welcome to MAI." The director stood and then left. About seven were accepted including me and him. I was still frozen and still standing firmly at the center of the stage. I looked at Gabbie and she was smiling awfully at the audience. The people who got accepted happily rejoined their family or friend who came to watch them audition. 

Then I saw him. Still in his seat, staring curiously at me. I stared back at him. Our eyes were locked into each other for about four minutes. Then he walked out. 

 There was something in his stare that I can't pin point. Usually, when guys stare at me, my heart go all crazy, either beating like hell or barely beat at all. But his stare, it was a different stare - more like a glare. 'Yeah he glared at me' I convinced myself. 

But why.