Confessions of an Ordinary ME

Chapter24

"What's this place?" I was in awe.

"Tuileries Garden. Its a public park, the open field used to be people's favorite picnic grounds, the rides used to have long waiting lines. During Spring, people used to come and visit the blooming flowers that surrounds the park and eventually it was called Tuileries Garden." 

"What happened then?"

"The Louvre was built on the other side and then the La Concorde on the other. This park was one of the oldest parks in Paris. It was already here during the French Revolution. With the modernization in the area with breath-taking architectures beside it, people tends to normally forget its here. Often, there will only be a couple of visitors, the usual were sometimes couples, but I bet they don't even know what is this place called. But most often was me." 

"You? What would you do here?" 

"Well besides having all of these all for myself to enjoy, I also enjoy the serenity and peace since I was the only one here." 

"Who would operate the rides then?" 

"The rides were not on operational anymore. Except for the Ferris Wheel. The operator once visited when I was here and taught me how to operate it. Come on." He grabbed my wrist again. My heart was beating normally - at a moderate and acceptable speed. But I feel different, its like I'm nervous, and excited, and curious, and happy, and who knows what else. 

I took a deep breath and willingly ran with him. He used to just pull me and I was forced to run. I don't know why this time, I am willingly doing as he says. I stood in front of the opened gondola while he was standing in front of the operating stand. 

 "Hop in." Joe flashed a smile. It was a very unique smile, a different one from when I saw him when the girls at school was asking for his photograph. This time its genuine. 

I checked my heart; it was still beating normally. Its weird, I know in my head I'm already thinking about all the weird thoughts I could ever probably think of. I would have already assumed of all things possible while he's acting this way. 

But why is my heart calm? If I'm being consistent, its around this time when I should already be admitting I like him, or my heart was dying from either beating too fast or too slow. What's wrong with me. 

"Come on!" I was only staring at him, I didn't even realized he was already inside the gondola. When did he walked pass me?

"Its safe don't worry." He was offering his hand. I'm sure when I take that hand, my heart would beat crazily. 

I took it. I held his hand and jumped in. 

I looked at my hand overlapping his. When I held Ethan's hand for the first time when we ran around Rome, I was a whole lot different person. I became that foolish little kid, lost in the city, finding something I don't even understand. Then eventually, that hand led me to where I met Mikhail, and when I held his hand, I became another different person. But that time I know I became someone who I want to be. He made me feel ordinary, he made me feel what its like to be ordinary. And now, holding this hand, I just feel normal. It feels more like me, like myself. 

"Go on, scream whatever you're feeling." He said while I was looking at him, wondering something else on my own. 

"I won't listen. Just let it out. Let all the pain run freely as we reach the peak. Cause by the time we reach the ground again, you should be alright." I bit my lip. But this time not because I was all giddy and in love, but because deep inside I wanna do it too, deep inside its what I wanna do ever since all this mess began. 

My heart escalated and I started screaming everything. The pain, the loneliness, how much tears I've cried at night, how much tears have dried on my pillow, how much I miss him, how much I love him, and how much I can't bring myself to hate him. I screamed with my eyes tightly shut, my tears run down my cheek. 

"Open your eyes." He whispered. 

I slowly opened them and this beautiful view kissed all my pain away. I was breathless for a moment. This lonely, quiet place holds the perfect view to this beautiful view. And I realized he was still holding my hand. 

We reached the ground and I feel frail - frail in a way like, I was carrying something so heavy on my back until I got used to it to not feel weak and tired at all, and now that I got rid of it, I felt more relaxed. My knees were trembling.

"Are you okay? You look pale." His gentle voice comforted me, as if he embraced my fragile heart.

"I'm fine. Did you write down everything I screamed?" 

"No why?"

"Recall it now and turn it into a song." 

"Why do I have to do it?" 

"I'll teach you how to write using feelings and emotions." I walked faintly away from him to seat on the bench. I felt so relieved and at the same time free - and pathetic also. I was so embarrassed, I wonder how I sounded while shouting, or how I look while my eyes were shut, or when I cried. 'Ugh its so cringey' I vaguely thought to myself.

In a while he followed me and sat beside me. 

There's something in him; something I am fond of, but I can't tell which is it. He makes me feel weird; weird but its familiar - almost as if its safe and sound.