Confessions of an Ordinary ME

Chapter 31

We drove back immediately to Paris after eating. I couldn't paint  the expression on his face; i am not sure if he is upset or angry. But come to think of it, why would he be angry? We're nothing like special or exclusive - are we? 

Joe's aura felt a lot like the first time I met him; null and contained - it scares me. The whole 3 hours drive went by too fast, he didn't spoke another word. Not even when we stopped at a gas station to refuel. He was cold, colder than ever before. I don't know what to do, I feel guilty, uneasy. Why am I feeling guilt?

 We're home and he still hasn't said a word - he stopped right in front of our house, got down to open the door for me.

"Look, Joe, if you're upset..." 

"Doesn't matter." As soon as I got down he shut the door and hurriedly went back in and drove off. 

"Hope!" Gabbie ran outside while I was standing still by the sidewalk, looking at the direction he went. 

"Where have you been?? W're all worried sick!" She added. Esme and Manuelo followed her. 

"Hija, where did you go? You're father..." -Esme.

"What happened to him?!" I ran inside expecting to see him. 

"He took the first flight yesterday back to Ireland. Hope, he needs you." Gabbie ran behind me. 

"Alright. I already planned on going back too anyways, I'll arrange everything." My heart ached again. Suddenly, it felt heavier that it ever was. With everything happening at once; Mikhail, and Joe, I can't even figure out what's going on, and father - is he ill? 

The day passed by quickly, and I haven't heard from Joe. I constantly check on his house to see if his car is parked upfront, but he hasn't come home. I stood by my balcony as the sun starts to set - Gabbie came in. 

"Hey." 

"Hey." 

"Are you okay?"

"I guess." 

"Mikhail called to check on you."

"Its Michael Gabbie, and would you tell him to not do that again? We're technically cousins now too." 

"Alright I will. But what's upsetting you?" 

"Its nothing." 

"I know you Hope, I know you well, and I know its not Michael that's bothering you." 

I looked at her coldly, trying my best to hold my tears back as they well at the corner of both my eyes. I don't want to cry for two reasons: one, I don't even know why I feel sad, and two, I don't even understand what I feel. Why do I feel like the universe hates me so much? Why am I getting through all of this. Gabbie walked slowly to me.

"Everything will be okay Hope, in the end everything will fall into place." 

"I don't think so. Its never ending." 

"Just think of Faith for now. Have faith when you feel like you've ran out of hope." That is what our father used to say all the time.

We were quiet for a while as Gabbie and I watched the sunset. The radio downstairs was on and it played a song, a song that brought back thousands of memories; memories that hurt.

"The next song you're gonna hear is an original song played at the Barcelona Music Festival. I believed this was a hit, sang by a famous lead singer and a princess. Now playing: Everything has changed." Gabbie looked at me, and I looked back at her - this time, I couldn't hold it in any longer. 'Let them go' a voice in my head whispered to me. 

Gabbie hugged me so tight that I sobbed even more, I felt like I could never stop.

"Oh Hope. I'm sorry you have to feel all this pain." 

Crying while listening to the song we wrote, now I realized why; that no matter how happy and in love I was feeling that day I was writing, it still sounded like a sad song. Maybe I knew, deep inside, its a tragic love story after all. 

---

(The next day)

The cold breeze that sneaked in through the tiny opening of my balcony door woke me up. It was too cloudy that the sun couldn't even shine brightly. Have you ever woke up and felt exhausted? Like, your body felt worn out and frustrated? I feel that way now. 

"Hey Hope. Are you coming to school today?" Gabbie knocked and opened the door. 

"Yeah I guess." 

"Alright I'll come with you. The breakfast is ready by the way." 

"Okay, thanks." 

She closed the door and I felt like I was glued to my bed. Its one of those days that I woke up feeling lonely. Joe hasn't called nor texted me at least. I'm starting to feel worried. 'He'll probably show up to class today' I tried convincing myself to think positively. So I got up and prepared myself to go to class. 

I arrived at school, everything felt normal, I should at least pretend that everything is normal too. I walked the hallways holding my papers and transfer documents that I need to submit to the director. I can actually just give it to the secretary but I specially want to go directly to her, its an excuse for me to see her and ask how Joe was. But I was running late so maybe I'd attend my first period, since he's my classmate, he might show up. 

Right at the moment I arrived in front of my class, our musical director just arrived. 

"Ms. Mullins?"

"Oh its Vaugn right?" 

"Yes. Hmm, its my last day at school, I'm transferring, I thought I should just let my professors know." 

"Is that so? How unfortunate. You're one of my top bests. Lets go in."

I looked around and he was nowhere to be found; not at the corner, not at the back row, nowhere. I took a deep sign and hurriedly sat at the corner seat, his favorite seat. I'm starting to feel bad of what I did, I should have approached the topic nicely, at the right time. 

"Good morning everyone. So I would like to congratulate everyone for their successful pairing introduction last week. I've had a few of my favorite pairs, but unfortunately one of my top pairs will dismember. So I would like her to sing one last song for us. Vaugn?" That's unexpected but whatever. 

I grabbed a guitar and sang another original song that I wrote.