Confessions of an Ordinary ME

Chapter 27

Its 10 at night and there were noise outside. Just before I got up Gabriella went in with Esme, both in panic. 

"Hope get up, we have to go home tonight. The bridal car backed-out. So Manuelo will be driving Lucinda tomorrow." 

"What? I haven't even packed yet." 

"Seriously?! Well get started." 

"No. You guys go on, I'll just go tomorrow. I'll take the train." 

"That's impossible. Travel by train would take 6 hours silly." 

"Really? Well, I'll ask Joe to give me a ride." 

"Let her Gabriella. I will just accompany her tomorrow." Esme convinced Gabriella. 

"No no, you go ahead too Esme, I know you gotta be there for Gabbie. I will be fine, promise." I probably convinced them, then they left. Now I have to worry about my transportation for tomorrow. It would be a little too embarrassing to ask Joe at this hour; in fact its too much to ask for someone who I even barely know. 

I was pacing back and forth in my balcony when suddenly my phone beeped - Joe messaged me.

"Hey, why are you up?" I wondered how he knew, so I looked over to his house, and he was standing in his balcony.

"Oh, cause they went home to Marseille. Something urgent." I replied. 

"Why did they left you?" I'm following them tomorrow. 

"Alone?" 

"Yea. I suppose." 

"I can drive you if you wanna." Its exactly what I want, but how do I accept the offer without sounding a little desperate or that I haven't thought of it? 

"Would that be fine?" I looked at his house again after replying, but he wasn't in his balcony anymore, so I went in too.

"Hope!" 

"Hope!" Why do I keep hearing my name. Its coming from afar, and its more like a whisper, but loud enough I guess for me to hear. 

"Hope!" This time it was a little louder for me to realize its coming from outside. Its probably Joseph again. 

"What! Go home Joe!" When I went over to my balcony, he was already climbing over our fence. So I hurriedly ran down. 

"I ran out of decaf." Joe cheerfully and effortlessly making an excuse - a stupid excuse. I was too annoyed to even say anything further so I let him in. He followed me to the kitchen and he sat on the counter chair. 

"Here. Now go home." 

"I might as well drink it here, I haven't put a water to boil." I glared at him.

"Its the least you can do for me since I'm driving you to Marseille." Smart. 

"This is blackmail." 

"Its merely a give-and-take situation. Fair enough? We both benefit from what we both want to happen, right?" He always gets his way out of situations, its one of the things I admire about it. Wait. When did I even started admiring something about him? 'Wake up Hope'. 

"Fine." I boiled some water and prepared two cups. I might as well drink with him, since I can't sleep anymore. While waiting for the water to boil, we talked about Marseille and everything related to it. Until we ended up talking about Mikhail; since he was kinda related to all of it. 

"So he's been your inspiration?" 

"Not him. Just the memories, I had with him." 

"Its the same to me." 

"Why do you care?"

"I don't know. I'm just really curious about you."

"Yeah, why?" For a moment, we were both quiet and were just staring at each other. I am annoyed, for sure. But I am also curious. Why do you keep tailing me? I'm sure I've been pushing him away, or at least I'm making him feel that I'm not interested in him. I clearly showed that I was just forced to hang out with him since he was partner in Music class. But him hanging around me too much makes me get used to it - which is why I am constantly annoyed. I don't wanna get used to having him around. Cause it feels like I'm using his presence to forget Mikhail. 

"Its too soon." He answered coldly.

"Thanks for the coffee. I'll see you tomorrow. Just text me the details, like if I'm just gonna drop you off or drive you back, and what should I bring in case and the time." He added as he stood up, right before he walked away. I kinda felt bad. 

"See you." And I watched him walk away again - I sighed.

This is what I hate about myself. I always try to push him away and when I succeeded, I will immediately feel bad about it - why Hope, why!

I went back to my room, and stood by my balcony door. I look at his house, waiting, hoping he'd come out again. I waited for minutes, but he didn't, he switched off his lights. I realized, I was being too harsh on him. I tried recalling why I hate him; actually I don't know either. Maybe because he reminds me so much of Mikhail; or maybe he was the exact opposite of Mikhail, but I preferred Joe's presence than Mikhail's,  and I can't bring myself to admit it. No that's not it, it can't be it. I liked everything about Mikhail, he was almost too perfect. There's nothing to hate about him.

As I sat on my bed pondering, I browsed through MAI's uploaded song covers by students. I played one song. 

I liked it, the song speaks a thousand emotions. I checked the profile of the student who wrote and sang it and that's when everything hit me like a rock. Joe wrote and sang it. That's what hit me the most tonight, the realization that I don't even know Joe that well to decide to hate him as much as how I'm making him feel. 

I didn't even realized that maybe he has his own problems that's he's dealing with. I realized that my pain is only as much as I think it is without thinking other people's own pain. I also realized that he lied when he said he's writing from nothing - he denied it. He wrote it from feelings and experience as well. I can feel him through this song. I didn't realized it earlier, that he's also dealing with his own kind of pain on his own. 

"I'm sorry". I didn't hesitated to send him a message. I hope he'll reply, I hope he'll say something. I hope he'll stay bubbly like he usually does, cause if not, tomorrow will be awkward, I don't know how to talk to him tomorrow. 

I can't let him do me this huge favor after just hurting him that bad, its just wrong. 

"What do you do with a broken heart..." I repeated one line from the song.