Inside My Head - A Loki Fanfiction

Chapter 41

Its been a year and you didn’t leave your room. Steve or Nat would come in and give you food to eat, and leave without speaking a word, as you hid yourself in a blanket and never showed yourself to anyone. You wouldn’t eat it always, but only when you're frustrated and angry. There was no sign of Thor or Loki on Earth. You were on your bed with knees upon your chest, as usual, and a book with a pen, to scribble on. You even damaged your phone by continuously throwing it on the wall and broke the mirror as well. The only thing not broken was your bed and wardrobe.

You took the book and began tearing pages from it, shredding them into pieces until you felt the ground shake. From the window, you could see a bright light come and disappear. You knew what it was and went in the bathroom. You opened the shower, letting the water pass through your tied hair and dressed body. You sat there, letting tears fall from your swollen eyes.

You remembered everything; how S.H.I.E.L.D experimented on you and Sigyn, and extracted her powers into you, how she refused to work for them and you were innocent, how they manipulated your brain and forced you to kill your father.

Someone knocked on the door loudly, snapping you out of your thoughts. As usual, you didn’t answer. The door opened and you pulled your legs towards you, placing your head in between.

“Y/N- oh my god what are you doing?” it was Thor. He ran towards you and held your foot. You looked up and didn’t even notice that it was bleeding. He picked you up and called Nat. She came in running and undressed you, drying your hair and dressing you back again. You sat there emotionless, without any movement or voice.

Nat looked you in the eyes and her own were filled with tears. She hugged you before Thor came back in. “Nat, I need some time with her. Please.” Thor spoke and Nat left you on your bed. Thor sat beside you and held your hand, squeezing it gently. You hadn’t eaten in months, that explained your lean, almost lifeless body. he forced your face up towards him, and your eyes met his own.

“Y/N, what have you done to yourself?”

he whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. You weakly smiled before speaking.

“I did nothing. I'm totally fine.” You finally spoke after a year, and your voice cracked.

“Look at yourself. You have lost weight and your eyes are swollen. Everyone said you never left you room in a year, nor did you eat anything. You’ve created a mess in your room, your feet are bleeding because you step on the broken mirror every time you walk. What have you done to yourself Y/N. why?”

“Why? Oh because I was bored. I had nothing to do. I had no one to confide to, no one to love, no one to feel loved, no one to trust, no one to soothe my pain which is not possible, no one. So I played with myself, you know. And I like being this way. I got used to it. So if you're here to show me sympathy, or bring me back or something like that shit, I'm sorry but that is not possible.”

You broke out, feeling all the pain over and over again, feeling that you're heart had just been pulled out again, trying to hold your tears back. Thor was at the urge of crying, for the very first time. His eyes were filled, and he pulled you into a hug. You felt his tears on your bare shoulder, as he hugged you tighter.

“I'm sorry Y/N. I truly am sorry.” He sobbed slowly and pulled back, looking at you.

“you don't need to apologize Thor. I'm already broken. Nothing can change me.” you weakly answered.

“Loki misses you.”

That was the last thing you wanted to hear. You couldn’t hold them longer and let the ocean of tears flow out of your eyes. That name broke you more and more. You still had the necklace he gifted you on your birthday on your neck. “Y/N, please come back.”

“I cant Thor.”

“you can. You're the strongest girl I've ever seen.”

“I am not. And these powers aren’t mine either. I'm just a mere mortal. Nothing more.” As soon as you finished your last sentence, Thor was now angry. He picked you up and took you out of your room. You didn’t have the power to protest, and laid on his shoulder like a dead fish. You looked around the tower for the first time in a year. There were many changes. You passed by Loki’s room and your heart broke into million pieces again, the memory of him making you weaker than you already were.

You were brought into a room which looked like a renovated living area. You heard everyone gasp when Thor carefully placed you on a chair. He didn’t let go off you because he knew you were weak and would probably fall off the chair. You didn’t look up, and stared on the ground.

“oh my god Y/N.” Steve’s voice was shaky and cracked as he ran towards you. He held you so protectively and kissed your forehead. You tried looking up at him and gave him a weak smile. Everyone rushed towards you but Thor stopped all of them.

“And now you care for her. What were you idiots doing while she was dying inside her room for a year? Couldn’t you comfort her? This is such a disappointment, especially you, Stark.”
Thor’s voice had anger raging in it.

“Cut it Thor. I was mad at her, and I still am. And you know why.”

“TONY SHUT UP! DON'T YOU SEE HER CONDITION RIGHT NOW?” Bruce screamed as he hit Tony. You looked around and saw something that you never wanted to see again.

Loki.

His jaw was dropped and his eyes were wide, looking at you. You clenched your jaws and looked away from him.

“Oh Y/N…” he whispered and walked towards you.

“Stay.Away.From.Me.You.Poisonous.Creature.” you snarled at him and he didn’t care. He held your hand gently, kneeling in front of you and the next thing you did gave you a bit relief.

You hand flew to his face and you slapped him hard. The room fell silent and Loki’s gaze were low. He didn’t speak, nor did he react. He held a hand on his cheek and just knelt in front of you, silently letting a tear escape his eyes. You managed to gain strength and tried to stand up, walking away from everyone and towards your room. Thor held you by his side and led you back. He helped you lay down slowly and slipped a blanket on you.

“I’ll get your room cleaned by a servant. Get some rest dear.” He spoke, leaving a kiss on your forehead and walking out of the room. You cried silently and fell asleep in no time.

It was painful...

Everything hurts...