Hopelessly Broken

11. Realizations

4.14.20

I stood in front of the mirror trying to figure out what to wear. I didn't want to be too formal or too casual, but I didn't really know my limits. I've never liked anyone other than her, so this is totally uncharted territory.

I ended up in a pair of black jeans and a navy blue t-shirt with a gray hoodie over it. The hoodie is an upgrade, people! I wandered down the stairs, and when I went into the kitchen, I was intercepted by Jamie.

"Dev, my husband and I have something for you," Jamie announced.

"What's up?" I asked. Jack was also in the room, and his miniature smile told me that he knew what they were about to give me. I was handed a box that was wrapped, and I just now remembered that it was my birthday. July 10th. "How did you know it was my birthday? I didn't even remember."

"Meg called us," Lincoln admitted.

"Now open it!" Jack pitched in. I swear it was like a switch flipped between us; we went from hating to being pretty good friends. I think it's just that I'm currently seeing the real Jack instead of the cold-hearted character.

I pulled the box out of Jamie's hands and carefully unwrapped the mystery item. When I saw what it was, the box almost slipped out of my hands. "Y-you didn't!" I shouted.

Between my very fingers was a brand new cell phone. It may not have been the newest model, but I didn't care. Anything could be better than my current piece of junk, and even just the gesture made me expload into a ball of happiness. "We did, Dev. I noticed how bad your old one was, and I just had to," Jamie responded.

I threw my arms around her shoulders and just began crying tears of joy. "No one has ever done anything like this for me!" I cried loudly. Half of the time people just forgot my birthday, so this was a major contrast to my usual treatment.

"You're family now, sweetie. Family helps one another," Jamie cooed. "Now come on or you're going to be late!"

We leapt into the car, and my smile was still burnt onto my face. I pulled the overly expensive piece of technology out of its box and began to slowly set it up. Even though I'm a young person, I'm still really bad at the most recent technologies, so operating this thing is not very easy. About the fifth time the thing asked me to put in my password I lost it.

"Why?" I randomly outbursted, "I've put it in five times!"

"Dev, the phone didn't kill you! It just keeps asking so that it knows it's secure," Jamie reasoned.

"Oh..." I murmured. Jamie started giggling at me, and I laughed along with her. "I wasn't allowed to have a passcode on my old phone."

The car pulled up in front of the best burger joint in town- what? It isn't normal to take your date to a burger joint- and I leapt our onto the sidewalk. I was slightly early, so I watched Jamie drive away while still trying to figure out this phone thingy.

When I looked at the clock again, I realized that it was well past 5:30 and Eveline still hadn't come. Maybe she's just stuck in traffic?

When the clock struck 6:30, I felt reality strike me. I was stood up by my crush of 8 years! I thought I had a chance, she gave me her number!

I walked down the street and decided to sit against a brick wall. My mind was a constant chant of 'don't cry's. Boys don't cry...

I picked up my phone and realized that Jamie had already put her number in. I dialed it and waited, and the ringing noise was making me more emotional by the second. Is she going to abandon me too? Like my parents, like Eveline, like Blake? "Hey Dev, is everything okay?" Jamie chirped from the opposite line.

"Y-yeah," stupid stutter, "can you just pick me up?"

"I'm sorry, Dev, I can't. We're having dinner," Jamie responded.

"Oh, no no, it's fine-" liar. "I just... Nevermind..."

"Right, well, I'll pick you up at 8 like we planned."

The line hung up, and I just couldn't anymore. I'm sorry world, but clearly I don't deserve to be happy. Clearly all of the people's lives would be better if I just disappeared tomorrow. No, I'm not going to kill myself... I'm just going to run away and never look back at this filthy place.

***

I was walking along some road branching between my town and the next when my phone started beeping. I looked down at the screen to see Jamie's name flashing across the screen. She's probably wondering where I am, but I'm not telling. It's just better this way, trust me.

When I didn't pick up for the fifth time, I started getting texts that I chose to ignore. I caught a glimpse of one that said she would call the police to track my cell, so I just chucked it into the ditch and kept walking. I still have my piece of shit phone, but the likelihood that anyone could track something that old is slim to none. I'm close to the town that would harbor my new life, so they'll just track my phone to that ditch then realize how not worth it I am.

I guess if I'm alone then no one can betray me. It's impossible to betray myself, so...

As soon as I reached the maze of streets that is the city, I felt a bit better. They'll never find me in here. Suddenly, I felt a sharp buzz in my front pocket and pulled out my sexy flip phone. It was Megan... Clearly Jamie is spreading this so they can all laugh at me. I always thought that Megan was super nice, but now that I think about it she was probably just doing her job. Her and creepy mustache man.

It was late enough that a lot of store fronts were black and it was kind of cold at night, but at least I had my hoodie to keep me warm. I wandered aimlessly through the streets without hearing any type of search crew for me. I just knew that I wasn't worth the trouble to them.

What am I to everyone in my life? To Eveline, I'm just a toy. To Megan, I'm the disastrous boy that she has to deal with. To Blake, I'm the gum stuck to the bottom of his shoe; he can't get rid of me so he puts up with me. To Jamie, I'm the only 16 year old boy left at the shelter that she had to take. To Jack, I'm an inconvenient punching bag. To me... I guess I hate myself just as much as everyone else hates me.

I'm as uninteresting as I can be, and now I'm getting burned by it. This is the world's big fuck you statement, isn't it? Well fuck you too, world! I'm just so tired if chasing meaningless relationships, so it's time to quit. It's time to disappear until I turn 18 and never have to see this place again.

I doubt anyone is up this late except me still procrastinating my English work, but heres ya goesies.